Homeward (Final Part)

I closed my eyes. He just pushed the speed pedal down harder and went up the ramp. I heard the noise of something being hit and the sound of breaking glass and the man blaring his curses against us.

I screamed in shock and fear. The rain fell heavy and hard on the car when we hit the street.

- We’re OK now. He was quick to jump aside.

- Where did he come from, for heaven’s sake? Was he stalking us?

- I don’t know…

- Fuck! I’m really terrified now.

- Calm down. We’ll be home soon.

- We should have called the police… a long time ago!

- We didn’t think it was necessary at the time. Maybe we should now.

- We must!

***

- What are you doing? Let me go!

- Say you’re going to have a coffee with me.

- You’re scaring me. Leave me alone… please…

He held me tighter in his grip. His eyes were like the ones of a madman. I tried to push him away, but he was stronger than me. Then he pulled me closer and showed me a knife. I could feel how strong he was by the way he held me, but I would not move an inch away anyway.

And then it happened so quickly…

***

- What if it did not happen?

- You could be dead by now or…

- I know… I owe you…

- You owe me nothing. I’m glad I was there.

- I will never be able to thank you enough. You were so quick and acted like a true hero.

- I just acted by instinct. And I am so glad I was there at the moment I saw him forcing the situation. When I noticed he had a knife, I just could not help but interfere. You were in danger. But it was risky, although I never thought it was, before later on. He could have killed you… or us. But he was a coward in the end, anyway. He ran away as soon as he was unarmed.

- And then you threw his knife so far away into the sea. It was like throwing the situation away from us. And then now he comes back into our lives. Why?

- I have no clear idea. But it’s known that he’s been following you since the day you almost bumped into him at your door. And he probably have not overcome the day I kicked his ass off. Revenge is, maybe, what he wants now. Let the police deal with him from this point on.

***

The police could do nothing in terms of security, as there was no evidence that we had been threatened by that man. It was us who tried to run over him, so he could have sued us for the attempt of murder, if he wanted to. Justice would not protect us in any case.

We decided we would have to protect ourselves on our own account and our safety and that could lead to extreme measures.

For some time, we were not threatened by him or anyone else though. He simply disappeared for long. We were still being careful, but not paranoid anymore, almost relaxing and coming back to our normal lives, wishing we were blessed by fortune.

***

- Are you photosynthesizing?

He laughed. With his face turned to the morning sun, he seemed to be having so much pleasure in that. He was shirtless, showing off his shaped torso. His hair was shining as was his pale skin. His eyes were as blue as the sky above us. I praised the summer for that lovely vision and thought of a Greek god… Apollo, maybe, for his fiery hair and beard, and…

He noticed my almost discreet smile and I assumed he was reading my mind.

- I think I am. It feels so good. It’s so good being home.

- I totally agree. Take this…

He knew I was playing with words, so he just accepted, smiling, the cup of fresh coffee I was offering him. We sat outside, listening to the sounds of birds chirping and the running water of the stream by the back of the house. It was a relaxing Sunday morning and we were enjoying the company of each other.

After the nice breakfast we had in the backyard, we decided to go for a walk in the woods before lunchtime. It was a pleasant morning and we wanted to enjoy it the best we could. Being in the woods would be fresher and we would not be exposed to direct sun. We knew our skins would get sunburned easily, even with the protection of sun lotion.

It took us about two hours to come back home. As we were getting closer to the gate I noticed his face changed.

- Did we leave the gate that open?

- I don’t think so…

- Shit! Be careful. Stay here. I will check this out.

I tried to protest, but it was of worthless. He was very serious and I knew why.

- Stay here. Keep the phone. We might have to call for help.

- Who…?

He crossed the gate and went inside. I waited out of the gate, as he told me to, but my mind was so apprehensive I could not think.

I heard him shout. I heard him shout again and then silence. Strange sounds.

‘Was that a fight? What the hell?’

My heart sank when I realised what was going on.

- Oh, no! Oh, no!

I heard a thud and then a shot.

- Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

I crossed the gate without thinking clearly. I felt as if my heart was in my mouth. Then I saw the worst vision I could at that moment.

The blood was still running fresh and sticky on the brownish tiles of the porch.

The two bodies were still on the floor. I knew the man who was on top of him… both bodies motionless.

Then I screamed. The body on top rolled over to the side.

- He came out from the house with my gun in his hand... and we fought… and…

- What? How? Are you…?

He was covered in blood but it was not his.

- Call the police! I just killed the guy!

- Oh, my goodness. This is horrible! We are so fucked! What do we do now? What are we supposed to do now? The police will not believe us…

- Don’t panic! Call the police! Now!

- And what if…

- For fuck’s sake! Call them! Now!!!

***

Voltar para Casa (Parte 1)

Quando eu saí pela porta da frente, com a cabeça tão distraída com um milhão e meio de pequenos problemas, quase esbarrei no homem que vinha passando pela calçada. Ele me olhou por menos de um segundo, como se me estivesse amaldiçoando ou me quisesse matar, mas não disse nada. Eu também não disse nada além de murmurar um envergonhado “desculpe” e continuei o meu caminho.

Havia algo de familiar naquele homem. Seu rosto pálido e a barba loira quase ruiva chamaram minha atenção, por algum motivo. Ele era um jovem alto, talvez por volta dos trinta e poucos anos, o cabelo loiro ficando ralo no alto da cabeça, um corpo bonito, sem ser atlético, mas muito longe de estar acima do peso.

Estava muito ocupado com seu telefone, por isso não me deu mais atenção que eu merecia: não mais que uns poucos milissegundos.

Havia uma parada de ônibus bem em frente ao prédio e foi ali que ele ficou.

Se eu não estivesse quase na hora de um compromisso importante, arranjaria uma desculpa qualquer para voltar e olhar para ele, apenas uma vez mais e um pouco mais longamente que eu consegui naquele curto espaço de tempo. Mas havia o compromisso e eu não costumava atrasar-me...

***

- Tenho vontade de chorar.

- Por quê?

- Não tenho certeza…

- Então quem poderia ter?

Ele me olhou, como se eu estivesse dizendo o maior absurdo de todos. Tentei segurar minhas lágrimas, mas não consegui. Meu coração estava, por algum motivo, tão pesado, que eu perdia o controlo das minhas emoções. Ele não disse mais nada. Ele me conhecia muito bem.

- Levas-me para casa? Por favor?

- Para casa? "Lar é onde teu coração está"…

- Tu sempre dizes isso.

- Eu sei... Digo, porque sei que tu gostas.

- E gosto. Mas hoje eu só preciso de um abrigo… e de um abraço apertado.

E ele me abraçou. Eu deixei cair todas as minha defesas e chorei desatinadamente.

***

- Vais-me dizer o que está acontecendo?

- Não sei se consigo.

Ele ficou de frente para mim e olhou-me nos olhos. Como eu poderia explicar que o que eu estava sentindo era, realmente, inexplicável? Será que ele alguma vez entenderia que às vezes meu próprio passado me assombrava sobremaneira?

- Queres ficar só? Por algum tempo?

- Não, não mesmo.

- Então vem comigo.

- Para onde?

- Para a praia. Eu sei como o mar te faz sentir bem. Acho que é disto que precisas agora.

Sorri e segui o homem, que nem esperou pela minha resposta. Ele tinha tanta certeza que eu o seguiria, que apenas assumiu que era a coisa mais certa a fazer... E então nós fomos até a praia, quase completamente longe da maioria das pessoas, para recarregar nossas baterias... ou melhor dizendo: para tentar recarregar as minhas baterias.

Caminhamos a certa distância ao longo da praia, com os pés nas águas frias. O ar estava fresco e, à medida que o tempo passava, a temperatura baixava lentamente. Era final de tarde.

Nós nos debruçamos sobre o parapeito do píer por um tempo, em silêncio, apenas observando o sol se pôr, apreciando a paisagem e absorvidos por nossos pensamentos mais íntimos. Minha mente vagou no tempo.

Lá estava eu, há muitos anos atrás, a observar, por um longo tempo, aquele movimento das ondas que iam e vinham, continuamente, acabar na areia branca da praia, em uma explosão de som e espuma. Minha mente estava em outro lugar, tão distante dali.

***

O tempo passou tão rápido. Eu via algumas pessoas a caminhar pela praia, distraidamente, enquanto os pescadores lançavam suas linhas ao mar, todos ocupados com suas próprias vidas e agindo como se eu fosse apenas parte de todo o cenário, como a areia, as rochas e o mar. Na verdade, para eles, eu era apenas aquilo: parte da paisagem. Olhei em volta e decidi que deveria ir para casa antes que escurecesse.

Algumas gaivotas ainda tentavam pegar alguns peixes, diretamente do mar ou de alguns pescadores mais descuidados. Um daqueles grandes pássaros, de repente, mergulhou no ar, quase me atingindo na cabeça, enquanto eu passava, brincando com meus pés nas águas frescas. Eu me abaixei o mais rápido que pude, mas perdi o equilíbrio. Fechei os olhos enquanto caía, na certeza de que ia terminar meu dia com as roupas todas encharcadas.

Por alguma razão inesperada, não aconteceu nem uma coisa, nem outra: nem eu caí, nem me molhei. Meu corpo ficou a meio caminho entre o ar e o mar.

- O que aconteceu?

- Eu vi que ias cair e vim em teu auxílio.

- Hã?

O homem, um loiro alto e bonito, segurava-me com as duas mãos. Senti suas pernas fortes entre as minhas e seus braços musculosos ao redor do meu corpo. Eu recuperei meu equilíbrio e ele aliviou o abraço.

- Eu sinto muito.

- Oh, não se preocupe. Eu já estava-me vendo indo para casa num estado lastimável. Agradeço mesmo… de coração!

Ele sorriu. Eu olhei para aqueles olhos. E eram tão azuis.

- Oh meu Deus!

- O que foi?

- Nada. Eu sinto muito.

- Está tudo bem?

- Eu estou bem. Não se preocupe. Desculpe se eu perturbei a tua pescaria.

- Sem problemas. Eu estava apenas passando alguns momentos sozinho, depois de um dia longo no escritório.

- Tens horas?

- Eu tenho… algumas… talvez… para que?

Eu ri.

- Eu quis dizer: que horas são agora?

- Quase oito da noite.

- Oh. Tão tarde. Não havia percebido que era tão tarde. Tenho que ir.

Ele segurou minha mão. Eu fiquei sem palavras. Por alguma razão, senti um calafrio na espinha.

- Não vá… ainda… Vamos tomar um café? Um dia? Hoje? Agora?

- Erm... eu... não... sei...

- Bem, então apenas diga que sim!

***

Eu senti seus braços em volta da minha cintura. Ele me puxou para perto dele e beijou meu rosto, de uma maneira muito espontânea. Por alguma razão, pensei que ele estivesse se lembrando da mesma ocasião que eu. Nossas mentes podem ser engraçadas, às vezes. Eu sorri e beijei aquele rosto amigo.

***

Decidimos jantar juntos em um restaurante chique, no centro da cidade. Ficava quase no alto da rua, em uma casa antiga, restaurada e modernizada para atender às necessidades de uma clientela ansiosa pela nova moda de alimentação vegan e vegetariana.

As paredes eram cobertas por decorações em gesso, onde folhas e frutos de videiras brancas em fundo azul, subiam do chão até o teto da sala dos fundos. O chão de madeira parecia ainda ser o original. As portas de duas folhas davam vista para um pátio iluminado por postes de luz, cuidadosamente escolhidos, em estilo do início do século passado. Uma grande buganvília fúcsia, um tom forte de cor-de-rosa quase púrpura, coloria o lado direito do jardim, perto de uma linha de móveis de ferro fundido, pintados de branco e provavelmente usados ​​em dias ensolarados, ou no começo das noites de verão.

O risoto de cogumelos havia sido primorosamente preparado e cuidadosamente decorado, sendo servido com exuberância exagerada. Eu detetei um toque de balsâmico no sabor daquele prato extravagante. Não havia saboreado nada parecido antes. Um vinho branco frutado, bem fresco, foi escolhido para acompanhar o prato e nós compartilhamos uma sobremesa delicada, chamada “Decadência de Chocolate”, seguida de café preto.

Pagamos a conta e descemos os degraus da escadaria na entrada, que dava para a larga rua. O vento soprava mais fresco e achamos que a noite estava agradável para um passeio a dois. Nós apreciávamos caminhar lado a lado, sem falar muito. A vida pode ser tão simples e boa ao mesmo tempo.

Pensei em gatos vivendo suas vidas simples, com prazeres simples e desejando não muito mais que aquilo. Mas nós somos apenas humanos, vivendo como humanos, da melhor maneira que conseguimos. Para que desejar mais que um bom prato, uma cama quente e um abraço?

O ribombar de um trovão, muito perto, fez-me estremecer um pouco.

- Tens medo?

- Não, não mesmo.

- Boa. Então precisamos ir mais rápido. Parece que vai chover muito em breve.

Antes mesmo de alcançarmos o estacionamento, a chuva caía pesada e fria sobre nossos corpos quentes. Quando chegamos ao carro, estávamos muito encharcados e quase congelando. Liguei o aquecedor e me livrei da camisa e dos sapatos molhados, antes que começasse a espirrar.

Foi então que nós o vimos, de pé, em frente ao portão, tendo a chuva pesada servindo de pano de fundo à sua silhueta...

***

Homeward (Part 1)

As I walked off the front door, I was so distracted I almost bumped into the man who was passing by. He looked at me for less than one second, as if he was either cursing me or intending to kill me, but said nothing. I did not say anything other than murmur an embarrassed “I’m sorry” and went back on my way away from there.

There was something familiar about that man. His pale face and the blond-almost-ginger beard called my attention for some reason. He was a tall young man, maybe around his mid-thirties, his blond hair getting thin on top of his head, nice average looking body, without being athletic, but very far from being overweight.

He was busy with his phone, so he did not pay me more attention than I deserved: a mere few milliseconds.

There was a bus stop right in front of the building and that was where he stood.

If I was not nearly on time for an important appointment, I would find an excuse to come back and look at him just once more and a little longer than I did. But I was almost late…

***

- I feel like crying.

- Why?

- I’m not sure…

- Then who could be?

He looked at me, as if I was saying the worst nonsense of all.  I tried to hold my tears but could not. My heart was, for some reason, so heavy. He said nothing else. He knew me too well.

- Take me home, please.

- “Home is where your heart is”…

- You always say that.

- I do… because I know you like it.

- I do. But today I just want to feel protected. Let me be quietly embraced by you.

He just hugged me. And I cried.

***

- Will you tell me what’s going on?

- I don’t know if I can.

He turned around to face me. How could I explain that what I was feeling was really unexplainable? Would he ever understand that I sometimes was haunted by my own past?

- Do you want to be left alone? For a while?

- No. Not really.

- Then, come with me.

- Where to?

- To the beach. I know how the sea makes you feel good. You need that now.

I smiled and followed the man, who did not even wait for my answer. He was so sure I would follow him, he just assumed that was the right thing to do… And so we drove to the beachside, almost completely away from most of the people, in order to recharge our batteries… or better saying: to try and recharge my batteries.

We walked some distance all along the beach, with our feet in the cool waters. The air was fresh and as the time passed, the temperature slowly went down. It was late in the afternoon.

We leaned on the pier rail for a while, in silence, just watching the sun go down, enjoying the scenery and absorbed by our own private thoughts. My mind wandered away in time.

I saw myself a long time before, sitting on the white beach sand and watching the waves coming up and down for a long while to finally die by the shoreline in an explosion of sound and foam. My mind was elsewhere.

***

Time passed by so quickly. There were some people still walking by and a few fishermen around, each busy with their own businesses and acting as if I was just part of the whole scenery, which I was, in fact… for them. I looked around and decided I should go home, before it got dark.

There were some seagulls still flying above, probably trying to catch some fish, either from the sea directly or from some careless fishermen. One of the big birds suddenly dove into the air, almost hitting my head while I walked past, playing with my feet in the fresh waters. I ducked as quickly as I could but I lost my balance. I closed my eyes while I was falling down, sure that I was going to get all wet. For some reason, the unexpected happened and I neither went down in the water nor did I get wet. I was held in the mid-air.

- What happened?

- I saw it was going to happen and came to your aid.

- Huh?

The man, a tall and handsome blond was holding me tight with both hands. I felt his strong legs between mine and his muscled arms around my body. I recovered my balance and he released his grip.

- I’m sorry.

- Oh, don’t be. I was seeing myself going home all soaking wet. Thank you.

He smiled. I looked into his eyes. They were so blue.

- Oh, sweet Lord!

- What?

- Nothing. I’m sorry.

- Are you OK now?

- I am, thanks. Sorry I disturbed your fishing.

- No problem. I was just having some moments to myself after a day in the office.

- Do you have the time?

- I do… some… maybe… what for?

I laughed.

- I meant: what time is it now?

- Almost eight in the evening.

- Oh. So late. I did not realize it was that late. I gotta go.

He held my hand. I was speechless. For some reason I felt a chill going up my spine.

- Don’t go… yet… Would you have a cup of coffee with me? One day? Today? Now?

- Erm... I... don’t… know…

- Well, then just say yes!

***

I felt his arms around my waist. He pulled me closer to him and kissed my face, in a very natural way. For some reason I thought he was remembering the same occasion I was. Our minds can be funny sometimes. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

***

We decided to have dinner together, at a fancy restaurant downtown. It was located almost at the top of the street, in an old house, remodelled and modernized to fit the needs of a clientele used to the vegan and vegetarian new fashion in food serving. The white and light-blue plaster vine decorations climbed up the walls to the ceiling of the back room. The wooden floor seemed to be still the original one. Double-leaf doors give view to a patio illuminated by carefully chosen old-fashioned lamp posts. A large colourful fuchsia bougainvillea grew on the right side of the orchard, close to a line of white painted heavy cast iron furniture, probably used on sunny days or early summer evenings. 

The special mushroom risotto was exquisitely prepared and served with flamboyant mastery. I detected a hint of balsamic in the rich and creamy dish. It tasted like nothing I had savoured before. A chilled fruity white wine was chosen to accompany the dish and we shared a delicate dessert called “Chocolate Decadence”, followed by black coffee.

We paid the bill and went down the steps of a staircase at the entrance and gained the street. The wind was blowing fresher and we thought the night was pleasant for a side by side walk. We were enjoying being with each other, without talking much. Life can be so simple and good at the same time.

I thought of cats living their simple lives with simple pleasures and desired not much more than that. But we are just humans living like humans the best way we can. What else for a nice plate, a warm bed and a cuddling?

We heard the thunder very close by. I quivered a little.

- Are you afraid?

- No. Not really.

- Good. Then we need to go faster. It seems we’ll have rain very soon.

Before we reached the parking lot, however, the rain fell heavy and cold over our warm bodies. When we got to the car, we were soaking wet and feeling very cold. I turned the heat on and got rid of the wet shirt and shoes.

Then we saw him, standing by the gate and backgrounded by the heavy rain falling down…

***

Home

They say “home

Is where your heart is”;

What I can truly say is:

You have a home in my chest,

In my mind

And in my soul;

A place you can,

Always,

Come back to,

When you feel homesick and tired,

Or need to be

Embraced

And kissed,

To feel safe…

And warm…

And, above all,

… Being cherished and esteemed…

(Dizem que "o lar
É onde está teu coração";
O que eu posso dizer, 
Verdadeiramente,
É que terás, sempre,
Um lar no meu peito,
Na minha mente
E na minha alma;
Um lugar, para onde 
Podes, sempre, 
Voltar,
Quando sentires saudades
De casa,
Ou cansaço,
Ou, até, necessidade de um abraço
E um beijo, 
De segurança
E calor,
Mas, acima de tudo, 
De amor e grande estima...).