Long-lasting Dance

A long-lasting dance with the Jack of Spades was definitely not on the menu. I chose watching him from a safe distance, so I was not harmed by his fire… or the one that started slowly burning in my chest when I first set eyes on him.

There he was, standing tall on the background of the group, looking casually at me, who greeted everyone else and walked on to him, with a smile on my face and the hand ready for a handshake. I looked into his blue-greenish eyes for the longest briefest moment and introduced myself. He did the same.

I could almost hear my own thoughts shouting out loud in my head and I was afraid he would notice it in my eyes or could read my mind somehow.

I wondered if he would ever be aware of the effect he had on me. Little I knew of what was happening in his mind, when he smiled that way of his.

‘Please like me’.

That was quite an astounding first impression.

***

- It’s so good to be here. It feels like home.

He hugged me tighter. My head was on his chest and his arms were encircling my upper body. His strong muscled legs were all around mine, as if holding me so I would not fall away from him or from the sofa. We were listening to a bunch of my favourite songs, most of them he was just getting to know…

“You say you had your heart broken
 What a stupid little thing to do…

 Make no mistake
 I'll do whatever it takes
 To get over these walls
 High up in the atmosphere
 If I could catapult my heart
… To where you are”…*
(*Catapult, by Jack Savoretti)

When the song was over, he got up and so did I. He touched my face so lightly with both hands, I felt like feathers falling softly on my bare skin.

I smiled shyly. He kissed me and held me tight. I felt I was so small and, at the same time, totally protected by him and that was one of the best feelings I had in my lifetime.

I was slow dancing with the Jack of Spades and I was enjoying it with all my body and soul. I had the feeling he knew exactly what he was doing and that made me so happy.

The living room was quiet, the lights were low, but we kept on dancing to the songs playing silently in our heads, by an invisible band… for quite a while… feeling the soothing heat of our bare skins one against the other, our hearts at the same pace.

He, then, took my hand in his own and led me...

***

My attention was totally directed to how his pale hands were touching my skin, traveling along my body, very lightly and so warmly.

- I love your hands and the way you touch me. You’re such an affectionate man.

- I love touching you. Your skin is so soft.

- And I’ve never thought I would love someone the way I love you now.

- You have been neglected, my love…

There was a sudden pain in my chest. I turned around. I could not control myself. I got so emotional, I just closed my eyes and let my tears run silently warm and freely. And they were burning hot. My body shuddered a little.

He put his arms around me and held me. His chin was resting on my neck. I could feel he smelled my hair. I felt his body warming mine up, while I sobbed uncontrollably in his strong embrace.

***

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon. I had a walk by the seashore and sat quietly looking at the sea. A fresh breeze blew through my face and hair. The sky was so blue, it reminded me of him and his eyes.

My own eyes wandered away in the distance, and so did my mind, to the past. I shivered.

- How long ago was it?

I turned around. Besides some noisy seagulls flying above, there was no one at sight. I thought my imagination was playing games with me.

- How long ago? Do you remember?

I decided to speak out loud.

- You know very well how long ago.

I recalled the day we’d met, long years in the past, from the moment the sliding doors opened and I saw his sweet and welcoming smile, with the heart in his hands, to the blatant goodbye kiss he gave me, before I walked into the airport restricted area, on my way back home.

- I’m so glad your pain has gone away.

I did not respond, just got up and walked off, silently.

Warm tears insisted to blur my vision, while the wind blew colder, this time all through my body…

***

Watercolour Study