One More Night (Epilogue)

We heard the doorbell ring. My daughter got up and walked on to the door, checked the door viewer and immediately opened it.

- May I come in?

- Yes, of course.

I turned around without saying anything, when I recognized the voice.

- May we talk for a minute or so? I promise I won’t be long.

She grabbed her things up as if she was late for something and said:

- I have to go to the supermarket urgently. There are some things I need to buy. I’ll be right back. Please feel at ease.

That strategy was her way of showing how worried she was and that she wanted us to be alone and sort our things out without any interference. The wise girl knew how to do the things so we could catch up. I knew that would not be easy anyway.

He came closer, without smiling, showing some evident apprehension. I did not smile either. He rubbed his hands and said, very low:

- I know I’ve been an asshole…

***

He looked at me with his bright blue eyes. I could hold my stare for much long, as I was afraid of my own feelings about him. My head was spinning, and I felt confused about the things I had just heard.

- Are you not going to say anything?

- I don’t know what to say. I was not expecting to hear these kinds of things this way, anyway.

- But that’s what I feel. I know you must be thinking I have to be sure about my feelings before diving deep into it, but I believe in what I feel despite my insecurities. I’ve never thought something like that would happen to me, but I’d rather try and fail, than never try… and I want to try it… with you…

- This is not going to be at all easy; you know…

- I know. It never is. But this is only about us and no one else. We don’t have to explain anything to anyone anyway.

- I don’t know what to say. This is something new to me. I don’t even know how to react.

- I don’t either, but we can try together. We have nothing to lose…

He stood up and took my hands into his. I tried to avoid his stare, but could not, as the power his eyes had over me was too strong. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, embracing me without hesitation or worries. I did not think much. I just rested my head on his chest and let myself go. I barely knew at that time that our involvement would be a lot deeper than a simple embrace.

***

- After so long, why now?

- I thought I could be away, but I was wrong. I’ve never stopped thinking about you two.

- And what happened to your “new life”?

He noticed the irony and stress I referred to when saying that expression he used when he told us he was going back to his home place to take care of his family business. It sounded like a very poor excuse, but he said he promised his family he would take over the family business if his father passed away. He knew I would not follow him but there were always different acceptable ways to sort some things out. He decided to be away and we’d lost contact, as time went by, naturally.

Unfair, not committed, selfish and irresponsible were but a few of the words I used to refer to him, at the time, but I suspected there were a lot more behind that decision. He was afraid of commitments, as far as I could tell, and our relationship was getting too serious.

Anyway, we went on with our lives, my daughter and I, as it should be, without him, for as long as we could. She grew up, went to school and studied what she liked, became a very responsible and focused person. We had always avoided talking about the past. She was just a child when he left, but she could remember what was happening between the two of us and she missed his attention and care too.

- I’m all alone now. I don’t belong anywhere.

- I see. And what does it change?

- It doesn’t change anything, but I thought a lot about everything. I had plenty of time to do so.

- And you don’t belong to anyone either, do you?

- I’ve never belonged to anyone. You know it better than anyone. And there was no one else in my life since I left you. I was too busy with my work but missed you a lot and was always thinking about you two, believe me.

I looked at him without truly believing a man like him would be all by himself, without anyone, for so long. It was almost impossible. I decided not to argue, anyway. It was not important anymore and I was not into quarrelling about such things.

- How long are you staying around?

I was not sure I should have asked that. I was afraid of the answer.

- I don’t really know.

Perfect answer, being the same as no answer at all. As usual on similar occasions, he answered without answering.

- I see. What are you here for, after all?

- Because I missed you too much and not only...

I looked away.

- Look at me.

I tried to run away but could not.

- What do you want from me?

- Another chance. I know I’ve been stupid, and I’ve made lots of mistakes leaving you the way I did, but I thought a lot about it, and I regret making you suffer because of my non-sense. I want it to go right this time.

I wanted to beat him… hard…

I was tired, sad and angry for what we had gone through and did not know what to think anymore. I just knew I knew nothing about anything at all.

He stood up, held my hands and said:

- Come with me.

- What? Where to?

- Just come with me!

- And the girl?

- Leave her a message. She is not a child anymore and she will understand. We won’t be long, anyway.

***

- I love this place!

- Me too, but we did not come here to watch the sea, did we?

- Yes, we did.

I looked at him, trying to find out if he was being serious or not. He just looked ahead to the horizon, very serious. The ocean was wild as was my heart. He walked two steps behind me. Being taller, he stood behind, then pulled me closer to him in a sudden warm embrace. He laid his chin on my shoulder, his face touching mine. So he whispered in my ears:

- What I want most is to be with you here or wherever. I’m tired of fighting against myself. I want you so much and don’t want to waste another second of my life.

- I should beat you hard, do you know that?

- You can be sure I do.

From where we were, I could hear the old song coming from the loudspeakers on the porch of the restaurant I went to so often in the past, for a coffee and a chat. And it went on…

…” They say that love can move a mountain
      They say love can break your heart 
      They say love can make you forget 
      Things that happened in the past

      For I've tasted your love and
      I need to taste some more 
      So wave goodbye to heaven for me
      I've thrown it all away 
      Just to spend one more night with you”…  (*)

      (*) One more night with you: Ged McMahon 

***