- Mine is prettier.
- It is. No doubt it was a very beautiful
choice.
- I’ve decided for a more modern design and I
think I got it so right.
- Definitely yes. It’s very well done and with
a beautiful colour effect... I wouldn’t have made a better choice.
He looked at the picture once again and kissed
the etched dragon intentionally tattooed between the two dimples in the lower
part of my back. My skin was warm and reacted when his lips touched that
strategic point located at the base of my spine.
- I love your curves.
These two dimples are so incredibly sexy... And now there is also this dragon
so well made and meaningful...
I bent slightly up, as if submitting my body to
more welcome displays of affection and he accepted the offer so eagerly, it
triggered an almost involuntary and almost irreversible reaction. I could feel he
did not want to worry about control over anything, anyway. He just lay down on
top of me, kissing every part of my body. I felt so loved and so desired by
him, my whole body opened for his caresses and for his so welcomed yearning.
- Uhm ... What was
that?
No answer. He just kept on kissing me all over.
I cringed as he rubbed his lips behind my ear, triggering waves of goose bumps
running all over the extension of my skin. He giggled and took advantage of the
discovery. It was his chance.
***
- We are marked
forever.
- As if we were genuine
soul mates...
- Ahaha! There you
come, again, with that soul mate thing...
- We're matching souls
and bodies, then.
- We're people who
like to be with each other and our bodies know that. Isn’t that enough?
- "May it be
eternal while it lasts"?
- Maybe that's more
than enough...
I laughed, pretending I was happy with that,
but my mind accepted things quite different from his. He always tried to keep
his emotions under controlled loss of control. He used to say that nothing in life
would be eternal and that having high expectations could lead to big
disappointments. He did not want our "friendship", so to speak, to
lead to anything other than the good things we already had.
I knew things could be more complicated than the simplification he tried to imply about the situation. I was not afraid of
being romantic or giving myself in and letting myself go ahead, in the name of
a feeling I would want to grow stronger. That was how I was. My head was always
in the clouds, my body always ready, when we were together. I wanted that to
last forever, although I knew it would end… eventually…
- Let go. Let go. Don’t
hold back. Be entirely here with me… Give yourself in to this moment… Don’t be
afraid…
I knew the risks involved. I knew the pleasures
that relationship had brought to our lives... and I liked the whole thing...
but I was not sure about him. He seemed to have his mind so far away sometimes…
so untouchable. Maybe I was only being paranoid. Maybe I was right…
***
- Do you like it this
way?
- I do, but move a
little further up, please.
- On here?
- Yes. That’s it.
I examined him carefully, with opportunistic
lascivious eyes, my cheeks flushed with desire, and hummed softly, next to his
ear:
"You’re
on my heart just like a tattoo"... (Jordin Sparks – Just Like a Tattoo)
I ran my fingers lightly over the drawing,
which had been etched in pain on the left side of his waist. I kissed, not only
there, but in several other parts of his body, as I used to do, when desire
surpassed control.
Our tattoos were almost committed to each other.
Two dragons so dissimilar, representing two very different meanings, printed on
the skins of two very unalike people. But even so, they were two dragons: two creatures
of the same species... or maybe not...
***
- Hug me.
- What happened?
- Shhh.
My body was warm, as if it were burning coal. He
had no idea what was going on, so he just stood there, not saying a word,
listening to my panting breath and feeling my heart pound against his chest. He
sensed something was wrong, but he did not know what it was.
- Tell me what's going
on.
- Shhh. Just stay like
this, a little longer...
We stayed, what seemed like an endless time, in
that tight embrace. When, at last, I released him, I said only in an almost
desperate whisper:
- Make love with me…
Don’t make love to me: make love with me!
He did not say anything, just let himself go...
completely... like an inflatable boat, down the rapids, without oars and
without rudder.
We made love as if madness had taken over us.
Our bodies burned as if they were suffering from a high fever and we had our bloods
running, like hot lava in our veins, ready to erupt at any moment. We sought to
satisfy an insatiable thirst, while we drank from the same venom, or its
antidote, mixed erratically in our mouths and pursued a comfort that did not
exist. We let ourselves be taken by the insanity that made that moment unique
and intense, in waves that came and went inside us, like the sea throwing
itself on the sands of the beach, in that rhythmic, sometimes languid, sometimes
energetic back and forth. We sailed in dark deep waters, like a boat without a
helmsman, who ran the risk of wrecking the hull on the reefs and the sharp
banks of multi-coloured corals.
He closed his eyes, trying to refrain the
distress that was taking hold of him, and let out a scream, like an animal in
the forest. His whole body convulsed, in repeated spasms. Then that feeling of
abandonment and relaxation followed. Our bodies were inert for a few moments,
overcome by fatigue.
We stayed in silence, listening to our breaths,
which were slowly going back to their natural rhythm.
We lost track of time and fell into a deep
sleep. I had a dream I would never tell him about. I was drowning in the dark chilly
waters of doubt and I could not do anything to avoid it. I was choking and
there was no one else around to give me a hand. I was so alone and cold…
When I woke up, he was still sleeping. That bed
looked huge and cold despite the heat outside.
Something seemed out of place. There was a
strange atmosphere and for a moment I felt sad. Anguish tortured my chest. That
dream made me think of what was happening between the two of us.
My mouth was very dry. I needed fresh water. I
got up and went into the kitchen. It was late at night, and there was a
pleasant breeze coming through the open door onto the porch, so I went outside.
***
- Hey.
- Hey.
His voice was almost a whisper. I was about to
scream in despair. I tried to stay calm. I thanked the night, for my face was
hidden in its darkness.
- What are you doing?
- Thinking...
- Do I bother you?
- Of course not.
He came closer and kissed my back and neck, then
rubbed his lips, very lightly, all the way down my back to stop at the tattoo,
almost invisible in the shade. My skin shivered and I let my body curl toward him
in a reaction of agreement. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
- I love your smell.
- Hmm...
- You're an
addiction... I feel like I cannot live without you.
I turned to him, my face neatly hidden in the
gloom.
- I'm going away.
- Are you? Why?
- It must be. You're right.
This became a real addiction. I'm losing control.
- But that's good, isn’t
it?
How I wished that was the whole truth about it, but I had to keep it simple.
- I don’t know. I'm
suffocating. I cannot go on like this... I need space for myself... I have a
lot to think about...
- I don’t understand…
- I do not even know
if I understand, but... I must do something... and it has to be urgently... If
I stay, I will make you unhappy...
- Unhappy? How come?
The answer was a lot more complicated than the question,
so I stayed quiet. His idea of happiness was so different from mine. He was
happy with that situation and I needed more. I just wanted it to give me more peace
of mind, more composure, more security. I had to leave before becoming sad and
tired of trying to always be there for him and his physical desires.
I looked at him with a mixture of sadness and
anticipation in my expression.
He was silent for a few minutes, not knowing how
to react. I don’t think he knew what to think. His mind searched for reasons
and reasons to justify that decision and could find none.
- I know I must
respect your will. There's nothing I can do to change that, is there?
- I really must go.
- Okay then, but this
is all very sad...
- We will have so many
beautiful memories to keep, will not we?
- Many... We will
always have our tattoos, vivid in our skins, to bring them to the memory every
time.
- Well, dragons always
come back in the spring...
- Do they?
- Uh-huh... With the
first full moon...
- I've never thought
of that.
He looked me in the eyes and saw my decision
was made. I could not smile, as my soul
was torn in pieces. There was nothing else to be said. That was definitely
goodbye.
***
I still keep my precious tattoo. It reminds me
of great times with a wonderful man… who was never mine entirely. The pain I
felt when the needle pierced my skin to imprint that wonderful dragon on my
lower back was nothing compared to the sorrow I felt by the decision I’ve made to
leave him, despite so many times regretting that...
Who knows how strong I can be and what
decisions I still can make in the future, anyway…. Time can change everything…
so many times…
