- It's a dragon.
- I've seen better ones, but it’s not bad.
- I know... I should have it retouched... I
want to change the original figure a bit.
The image, the size of a clenched fist,
represented an old-fashioned dragon and was imprinted on the left side of his
waist. He said he had it for about ten years and the image no longer had the
same initial brightness, thus it needed to be remade.
I kissed it,
softly, as if kissing the head of a child... or a pet...
He looked at me, while I was trying to read his
reactions to my almost childish attitude, with curious, inquisitive eyes. I laughed
and it was so truly spontaneous. He seemed to be confused, initially, but soon
he too laughed loudly.
I hummed the verse of an old song, smiling,
with the clear intention of teasing him.
"You’re on my heart just like a tattoo"...
(Jordin Sparks – Just Like a Tattoo)
He laughed
again.
- This is such an old song...
- But still fits so well right now...
I looked at him not really trying to hide the
evident glow of desire that my lips had just revealed. All I wanted was to play
around with his libido and his reactions, tease him a bit and see what would
come from that. I simply loved his physique and looking at it and touching his
skin was enough to set my body on fire.
He turned around and hugged me, lying his head
on my chest. I let out a long sigh and played with his short soft hair, passing
the other arm around him, bringing him closer to me.
He closed his eyes. I felt I was holding a vulnerable
child in my warm lap and protecting him with my embrace. For a moment I thought
he was in need of that.
- I like the softness of your hair.
- I like you touching my head.
- They say it's proof of great trust.
- I know…
- Is there anything you do not know?
- Many, but I do not remember any, right now...
He laughed.
Who was teasing who, after all?
***
- Do you believe in
soul mates?
- I don’t believe in
souls, much less in soul mates. I believe, yes, in mates, in affinities, in respect
to the limits and...
- Don’t be like that.
We have many affinities, it's true, but I feel like we are actually soul
mates...
- Do you really think
so?
- You no longer
believe in anything that is not real and solidly palpable. You lost romanticism
and fantasy...
- But I did not lose
touch, did I?
I smiled. He looked at me as if analysing the
expression on my face. I really wanted to say more, but just said what I
thought, for the moment, and there was so much to say.
- No. Touch is one of
the things I love most about you... and not only...
- Oh, is it not? What
else do you like?
I did not answer that too specific question and
just laughed. My thoughts were running wild, just remembering our fun times
together in that king-size bed, where his perfectly fit body was so eager to
give me pleasure and comfort. I loved the way he touched me, the way he made
love with me, instead of making love to me, making me lose my mind and control
and then lie in my arms and fall asleep.
I was still looking at him with affectionate
attention, when his expression changed suddenly. By looking at his face and his
distant gaze, I felt like he was, sometimes, an impossible riddle to solve. He
seemed to be so distant then. I wondered what was going on in his mind. He never
seemed to open about his secrets or his inner feelings to me. Maybe he did not fully
trust me, after all. I tried to cool down, but my mind started playing heavily
with my insecurities.
Why is he so quiet?
Oh, God, I wish I could read his mind… ’
Maybe he was just daydreaming or recalling bad
memories. I wished I could help him, but he never allowed me in to that secret
portion of his life…
I decided to bring him back and kissed his cheek.
He came back to reality, with a funny smile on his face.
- Where were you? You seemed so far away.
He just
said.
- I was just enjoying
this moment. It's good to be here without having to think about anything else...
That did not convince me, obviously.
- Yeah, right...
Without thinking about anything else... I see…
He did not smile. Me neither.
- I'm glad you're here.
- Why so?
- Because you give me a sense of security.
- Ah...
- Don't doubt it. This is very important to me.
- Okay. Whatever you
say…
I kissed his lips lightly. He responded with a
kind of controlled desperation, but his entire body betrayed him with an
involuntary shake.
‘Something seems so
upsettingly wrong now. What is going on in his mind?’
- Are you OK?
- Uh huh...
That answer should be enough to put an end in
the conversation. It was, among us, a sign that it was time to say no more, in
spite of the doubts in my mind and my sudden lack of confidence.
We used to respect each other’s silences, when
our bodies were present, but our thoughts were not. We knew our own desires and
we cherished our needs to stay that way, quiet, without saying anything, just listening
to the music that came from the computer in the living room, each one with
their own thoughts and skeletons kept in separate cupboards.
I pretended not to see the teardrops rolling down
his face. They cut my soul apart like sharp blades, as they ran down. How I
wish I could do something to bring him back from that sorrow and to show him I
cared so much about him.
‘Why is he so sad and
distant?’
I looked at his face, then to his body and
again to his dragon tattoo and decided to call him back to life.
***
- I'm going to get a tattoo.
- Are you? And what will it be?
- I'm not telling you.
- Why not?
- I want it to be a surprise.
- OK, then. Whatever... you know the
consequences... and you know it’s painful...
I laughed,
as I had considered all the circumstances and was so decided to have my own.
- When?
- Soon... I don’t know yet, for sure...
He raised one of his eyebrows, as if suspecting
what was behind that half-explanation. I had my secrets. I knew exactly what to
expect and had my decision made. I was glad he accepted it so nicely. He’s had
his own tattoo, for his own reason. I decided I would have mine too. After all,
it was my body and my choice. I had my reasons too…
***
- I'll go out. I don’t
know what time I'm coming back.
- Really? How come?
-I simply don’t
know... I might take long. Who knows?
I avoided his stare. I would not wait for him
to say anything anyway. I just turned around and left, as happy as a bird.
Anticipation was filling my heart.
I couldn’t wait to do what I intended to. I
thought he would be so surprised…
***
