Hyacinthus (Final)

“Down on my knees, down on my knees once again... 

  I'm down on my knees, down on my knees once again... 

  Breaking in tears, breaking in tears once again...

  It's hard for me, but I'm trying”… (Adam Evald; “That Day”)

***

- What have you done?

- If he’s not mine, he’s not anyone else’s either…

- Are you out of your mind? And what do we do now?

He revealed that maleficent smile again, while speaking very slowly and clearly.

- I won’t do anything… I have just done what I wanted to… You’re the one who has to do something now.

- Oh, my God! What do I do now?

- Take your medicine and I’ll disappear… and you’ll have to face a crime… alone… or you can call it an accident. Perhaps they’ll buy it, or else…

- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

***

- You’re delirious! There’s nothing in there.

- I promise you there was a body. A dead man! He was right there!    

   

- How long since you’ve taken your last pill?

- I’m not sure. I’ve lost track of time.

- Look at me. Focus. Now! How long?

- I don’t know. A couple of weeks, maybe.

- Weeks? Are you crazy? You know you must take it every day!!! How do you know you’re not hallucinating?

- I’m not. I mean, I don’t think so…

- You don’t think so? You don’t think so?!?!? What does that mean? Don’t you see you can be convicted as accessory to a crime? If there was really a crime!

- I’m not an accessory. I did not encourage or participate in that...

- You’ll have to prove it, if we ever find the body.

He kneeled on the floor, holding his head with both hands and cried, like a child, when they heard the sound of the siren coming closer.

***

There was silence in the darkness. There was darkness in that silence.

The man looked around. He seemed to be alone. He was not sure where he was. He heard a dry click and suddenly a door was opened. The light pierced his eyes. He tried to cover his face with both hands, but he could not move them. He was not alone anymore.

- How do you feel?

- What is this? Where am I?

- You’re safe now. We will take care of you…

The men dressed in white came closer. He had the impression he knew one of them. He saw his friend on the corner of the room, but that could be just an impression… his mind playing games with him.

A sudden sting in his left arm made him open his eyes wide, but he soon felt he could not keep them open for much longer. He could still hear the noises of people talking, but the words were vanishing in the confusing mix of different voices.

Then it was all dark again… and silent…

***

- How is he doing?

- He’s been in and out. He’s just coming out of another crisis. His case became more and more complex with the passing of time and the fact that he did not take the medication for months.

- I see…

The doctor was being as honest and practical as he could be.

- He needs to stay in intensive care for some time still, before we release him.

- Will he ever been cured? I mean, even with a lifetime prescription process?

- We’ll never know for sure… Life is full of surprises…

***

- Will you help me out of here?

- That’s what I’m doing…

- No. Not this way, no…

- It is the only way now.

- Please…

- You asked me once if I knew about your feelings for me and I said I was not good at speaking my heart out. Well, I thought a lot about that, and the only way out is staying in. And this is so because I really care about you. More than anything else… I’ll be here for you all the time.

His eyes were fixed on his loved comrade. There was a mix of pity, concern and true affection. He touched his friend’s face, very lightly.

- You are so kind…

- And you’re so stoned…

He closed his eyes and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

***

Patience, medication and a close vigilance proved to be the most effective treatment for his schizophrenia.

The doctors discharge him from the treatment centre after deciding he was ready to go back to his almost normal life and to the things and people he was used to, when the symptoms seemed to have disappeared completely.

He was relieved and so was his best friend and mentor. They needed a celebration. They had agreed they would go to the beach house, as he wanted to spend a time by the sea, far from doctors and nurses.

They drove to the beach so to spend more than just that weekend away.

***

- Don’t go away. I don’t want you to leave anymore.

- I’m right here. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.

- I feel sad when I think that he died that way. I still feel guilty about all of that…

- He’s not dead, silly!

- What do you mean?

- How could he? He’d never been real.

- You should not be here either. Not anymore… at least… but…

He smiled. That strange smirk again.

- Your mind is more powerful than you want to admit! Have you taken your pills today?

- I have, of course.

- Then?

- You’re still here.

- See? If after all this time you still see me… well, you know how to put two and two together. I’m glad you’ve kept our secret that I’ve never really disappeared. Now, look around. Don’t you see him? At that side of the beach, close to the rocks?

He walked some timid steps to that direction.

His perception of everything around him seemed more accurate and clear than ever before: the breeze… the raging sea... a sound he had known very well…

The discus fell at his feet. When he leaned forward to catch it, he heard the giggle. The man’s ginger hair was shining in the sun. He loved that handsome and masculine face and that bright smile, almost brighter than the sun.  

He looked at him, smiling and feeling relieved. They hugged each other in silence.

They both started crying, filled with a strange and authentic happiness.

The sky above was very clean and blue. The wind wafted around them and it felt like an embrace and a kiss blown on their faces. They heard a chuckle. 

He knew Zephyr was laughing at them from a distance.

***

The day was sunny and warm, and the breeze was really welcoming. His friend’s hand lay upon his shoulder and he felt protected, loved and, if that was possible, as free as a seabird.

- You’re the kindest and more loved creature of the Universe! I would never be thankful enough for the patience and care and attention and…

- Oh! Stop it! I really care about you. A lot… And I’m not afraid of saying that anymore.

Stripping off his t-shirt and getting rid of his training shoes and shorts, he walked straight to the sea, followed by his best friend, who was as naked and feeling as free as he was.

Two figures were observing them, sitting on the rocks, from a safe distance.

He pretended not to see them, but he sensed they were smiling, as if they were having fun with all that.

***

Earworm (Part 2)

- Are you an angel?

- No. Not really…

- Then?

- I am here to help you make it through…

- Make it through?

- To the other… Side…

- You’re scaring me.

- Please, don’t be afraid. You will be alright.

- Now I’m really scared. This is getting insane…

- A leap of faith?

- Another one?

He smiled. Funny how his smile made me feel so good and safe. Something in my mind was telling me I should trust him. He kept on looking at me with that kindness clearly shown in his eyes. My legs went weak and I felt I needed to sit. He just held my hand. My sight went black. My mind went blank. Then I disappeared… or everything else did…

***

- Come with me. The Canal must be pretty quiet by now. It’s late and no one is working on the gondolas at this time of the evening. I’ll take you to the other side…

The night was pitch dark, with no moon shining in the sky. He chose a new moon night very wisely. I could see the stars glittering way above our heads, but could not see much beyond our eyes. His hand was clenched in mine. His grasp was warm and firm. For a strange reason, my heart was blazing, in spite of the night being fresh, almost cold. I was being conducted by him through the night, skilfully through the dark waters of the silent canal. The lights of the town were behind us and he was leading the boat to the foggy side of the place. I felt tired, but was apprehensive at the same time, so I could not close my eyes for a second.

I trusted him and his abilities… I had to… but then he led the boat through the cellars of a very old building. Suddenly all the lights disappeared and I could only hear the sound of the rowing oar softly hitting the water around us. I lost his grip and held the side of the boat with both hands. I felt we were moving forward and a gentle e fresh breeze was still blowing on my face. He was silent and so was I, more for fear than for consciousness, keeping my ears in complete alertness.

- Where are we?

- Shush. Don’t worry. Trust me. We’re almost there.

- There? Where?

He never responded. The silence was almost unbearable. I gave up and kept my mouth apprehensively shut along that strange trip in the dark cellars, until I saw the very pale light that was shimmering right ahead. My heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to have a breakdown. My mind was completely uneasy and I felt shivers going up and down my spine. My thoughts became one, shouting in my mind that abnormal state of dread.

“Oh, God! I’m so undeniably scared now.”

And then it got even worse when I heard him say:

- Don’t be. There is nothing to be scared of.

He did that again. How could he know what I was thinking? I wondered if I would ever know.

Then he slowed the boat down and docked, jumping quickly to the path and helping me to step off to the firm terrain. His hand was warm and mine was terribly cold.

And then he smiled at me. For a strange reason, instead of feeling safe, I felt scared. What would his intention be? Why that strange smile?

My heart missed another beat. Then…

***

- What was that?

- A dream, I guess…

- You guess? You know what it was…

He just smiled, as if he knew more than he was actually saying.

- Man, this is crazy. What are doing to me? You’re scaring me to death.

- That’s not my intention whatsoever, my dearest. Not at all. I’m just preparing you.

- That ‘I’m preparing you’ thing again. Why don’t you say it all? I’m getting tired of this…

He simply responded the most soothing way he could.

- We have already spoken about this.

- Yes, we have, but that does not make me feel better.

My mind wandered in time.

***

- A reason?

- You will know when the time is due.

- And I guess I won’t know anything else about it beforehand…

- As I said, when the time is due, my dear… only then…

- This is pretty annoying, did you know that? And it is a bit scary…

- You won’t be hurt. Don’t worry.

- Hurt? Is that your concern?

- Mainly…

I punched his arm, trying to hurt him badly.

- Ouch!

But he just held my hand, kissed it and embraced me, laughing at my clumsy attempt to harm him.

- You will be alright.

For a strange reason, I felt he was trying to protect me, but could not define of what… or who… so I closed my eyes and snuggled in his chest. He touched my face so lightly, I thought of snowflakes brushing my skin, but so much warmer…

***

- I had that dream again.

- Did you?

He was smiling. I wondered what that crafty smile could mean. He knew it. I knew he knew it. He knew exactly what was going on in my mind… always.

- Why this funny look?

- You know everything. Guess it.

- I don’t know everything. Your impression of me is too far from reality.

- It is not. You’ve always been so mysterious and reticent. You get me confused and then you laugh at me, without any real explanation… and I wonder where this is going to take me, but I suppose you won’t tell me now…

- Maybe one day…

***

- Tell me your secrets… even the darkest ones… you can trust me.

- If you tell me yours…

He simply smiled, pretending he was kind of defeated. He would never tell me any of his hidden secrets. If he could really read my mind, many of my undisclosed wounds were still vulnerable, as far as I was concerned. He could touch them and either hurt me or heal me. It was his option or his call. He had me entirely in his hands.

And those hands… oh, God… they were so caring. His touch was so perfectly endearing, drawing his way around the curves of my body. His lips brushed on mine, then on my neck, my chest and my stomach. He then went down my tickling skin, giving me goose bumps as he kissed his way over it and holding my body firmly in his warm hands, as if to assure I would not fly away from his caresses… as if I would ever try to…

How could I think of anything else, but pleasure, when I was being touched and pampered like that? I could get addicted to that and to him, anytime and anyway.

No. In fact, I could not. The conditional case, here, should not be applied anymore. It was too late for that.

Thinking clearly and plainly, I was actually already addicted to him.

He could do anything he wanted to and take anything from me and I would certainly indulge without any sign of struggle. He was my lover and he mastered the art of seduction, making me forget about everything else when we were together. The world could turn around without us for a whole night or longer, if he wanted to. I was a toy in his hands, accepting openly what I could take from him, as if it was the last thing I would do in my life… Then he would take whole control and make me go to Heaven or Hell in seconds, until the whole world exploded from me and I would fall from the heights, attached to his body and soul, as if we were just one. 

Weary and happy, we would then fall asleep in each other’s arms, sleeping together and dreaming separate dreams.

***

- I have to go now.

- But it’s still early…

- I know and I don’t really want to, but I must.

- I wish you could stay a little longer, sweet man.

- I’m not going to be late tonight. I promise.

His eyes, then, wondered away. I knew that look. My body reacted immediately, getting tense and I shivered a little.

- This is not a goodbye. It is just a ‘see you later’…

- I know that…

He sat on the bed side. My eyes were trying to memorize the lines of his back and arms, while he was slowly getting dressed and ready to leave. I was busy observing his almost catlike manoeuvres, still amazed and enchanted, after so long together, by the way he moved. He was astonishing, in the most beautiful sense of the word. He was not only handsome, but also very masculine. I loved the way he cared about himself and kept his strong body in good shape.

He left a few minutes later. I still had about an hour before my time to get up, so I simple rolled over and fell asleep for another while.

***

I was wondering around after lunch, close to the Canal, half wishing I could see him around, but I knew it would be just a wish, as his schedule was not rigid. It would depend on the tourists and the season was almost over, with the weather cooling down and the number of customers dwindling every day. It was already past mid-Autumn. The air was fresher by the channel and most of the beggars avoided those spots, but needed to be closer to the restaurants and the streets. 

An old woman I used to see by the trattoria was sitting on the walkway by the sun and with her back on the wall. She seemed to be sleeping calmly and warmed up by the light and almost too pale rays of the early afternoon. For some reason I kept on watching her. Her body leaned a bit forward, as if she really fell asleep in the warm spot where she was. I think I was the only person looking at her. It’s funny how old beggars turn into totally invisible people to the passers-by. 

I got into the trattoria and ordered a cup of coffee, then sat by the window. The old beggar lady was still there, in the same position, leaning a bit forward while sitting out in the sun. My mind was almost empty. I was just watching the movement of people and observing the old woman.

A known silhouette appeared from I don’t know where and stopped by her. My eyes brighten up and I was ready to get up and go outside when the waiter brought my coffee. When my attention was away from him and I looked out of the window again, I saw the man was stretching his hand out to the woman, who had woken up and put her wrinkled fingers inside the younger man’s palm, so to get up. He helped her standing up and the two followed the pathway, walking side by side. They seemed to keep silence, while they walked away from my sight. 

I decided I would follow them, just to see what he was doing. It was a mix of kindness, but at the same time very intriguing. As I walked out the door, I noticed the place where the woman was a few minutes back was as intact as if she was still around. Her few plastic bags and an old grey and red woollen shawl were still there. It seemed time had congealed, and I thought something was wrong, so I just got the shawl in my hands and walked away with quick steps, trying to reach them, as if I really could.

They could not be seen on the street ahead, but I followed my heart and the path I thought they would be taking, going to the direction of the Canal. For a change, I was right. By the time I turned the corner, I saw he was helping her into the gondola. They were alone, and I could not see the usual line of tourists forming up by the boat. She slowly sat on the back of the gondola and they travelled through the Canal, before I could reach them. I would not shout, as I knew he would not hear me anyway.

I decided to follow them for as far as I could, even knowing that would not make much sense. My heart was beating fast. My mind was uneasy. I followed the gondola for many streets, trying to be as close to them as possible.

Suddenly they left the Grand Canal and took one of the narrow streams. As the boat floated along, I noticed the place was quieter and quieter. In my mind I recognized the place. The boat went through a passageway and they got into the cellars of a very old building. I thought I saw him turning around and looking back at me, but I was not sure it really happened or if I just imagined it. I simply froze. Then, they disappeared into the shadows. 

I could not follow them anymore, but I recognized that was the same place I kept dreaming of.

My heart missed a beat... or even two.

What was he doing?

And me?… What was I doing?

***

The Thirteenth (Part 4)

Leona looked at her father and David, the thirteenth clone, who ran along with her to the edge of the forest, worried about nothing else but to save their skins. She was faster and knew the way, so she took charge of their protection. Fortunately, the armed men had not detected them so far, but it could only be a matter of time.

They heard more gunshots. Leona kept thinking of her brother. As long as she heard the sound of those shots, as dangerous as it might be, she knew he was probably alive. The silence could be a bad sign however. She was afraid to think of the worst. Her immediate concern was to run for safety.

- We have to reach the tunnels. It will be easier to go unnoticed once we are in there. Be careful, but do not stop one second.

She knew she demanded too much from those two different human beings, but she had to be strong for the two, who were practically reaching the limits of their strength. A thought went through her head and she tried to tear it off her mind, but it was not easy...

“What will this outbreak of adrenaline cause to the body of the clone? He is already in a strange mutation. What if this speeds up some process to the point of no return?”

One more shot. This time it seemed to be closer to them. She heard hurried footsteps. They were almost at the entrance to the tunnels. Leona did not look back. She kept her father and David under her full attention and had to concentrate on keeping them safe, no matter what. The future and the past were running along with her, under her full responsibility.

As they finally passed the entrance, Leona did not hesitate. That entanglement of passageways in the various galleries was like a maze, but both she and her brother knew the place very well. They used to have a private joke about their favorite hiding place.

"If it's not right to go right, then it is right to go left."

As soon as she felt safe, she let the two men finally catch their breath. The three of them were quietly trying to figure out if they were alone in there. The sound of hurried footsteps told them that someone was coming in the same direction. It could only be her brother, but she told the two of them to be hidden and silent, until they were sure of it, while she would check it.

- Leona, I saved the diary. Don’t even ask at what cost. You'd better take it with you. I will divert the attention of those men so that they never come close to the terminal until you are safe to be transported back to the future.

- No. We have very little time. We must get out of here together.

- It's our only chance. Trust me. I will be here on time. Don’t worry.

Not to worry and trust him? She had her doubts... As much as he seemed confident of what he was doing, it was still extremely risky.

The woman did not realize that her brother tried to hide his difficulty in breathing normally. He pretended to be only tired and worried about getting them out of there and back to safety.

- We'll meet at the terminal in fifteen minutes. Don’t wait more than five more minutes for me. Now go.

Leona quickly articulated an emergency plan in her mind, but she needed time to carry it out before her brother rejoined the group.

She called her father and the Thirteenth up. They followed her, saying nothing. The younger character could not hide how scared and afraid he was. The older man, used to sudden departs and a very unsafe life for long just followed his daughter, without complaining and in apprehensive quietness.

The woman was agile and knew the way through like no one else. The two of them made an extra effort to follow her, blindly and confidently. All the other sounds, besides their footsteps, had been completely left behind, making it easier for them to be attentive to the place and noises around.

- It's right over there. We’ve finally arrived.

***

Leona reprogrammed the transport terminal, as she had decided mentally, for the return of four travelers, rather than the three who had gotten in at that point in the past. Despite the risk of that action, and even knowing that she was going against all the security procedures and orders of the Supreme, she had no doubt she had taken the right decision.

She, her father and the Thirteenth clone were anxiously waiting for the fourth traveler, but time ran out too quickly and the terminal sent the transfer signal. The three of them placed themselves in the center of the capsule and waited a fraction of a second for it to begin the process.

The woman felt tired and sad, but she had to follow the procedure, especially in the name of the safety of her father and the clone. When they’d reach the future, she would try to get around the situation, probably by sending another signal, so that her brother would receive it and return. He would know what to do.

The sound of a burst of gunshots was not noticed by any of the three as they were being transferred back into the future because of the buzzing sound the machine emitted and the speed of the process. The Thirteenth felt a jerk in his foot, but did not realize what was really happening.

They heard an intermittent ringing a few seconds later.

The transfer had been effectively completed. They were now inside the transportation terminal of the main building in the year 4697.

Leona looked down, at the feet of the Thirteenth, and then realized the clone had his legs and feet stained with blood.

- What is it?

- It's… blood. Are you hurt?

- I don’t know…

The clone’s nose was also bleeding. He rolled his eyes and fell at the woman’s feet, apparently unconscious. She hurried to him, but then she saw that behind him lay the wounded and unconscious body of her brother. His hands were also covered with blood.

The two scientists arrived at that moment, together with the Supreme, who approached and spoke, before she had time to explain herself.

- I hope you have a very good explanation to this. I told you not to interfere with anything in the past. Your task was precisely to prevent that from happening.

- I know. But we were being chased by armed men and I could not leave anyone behind. It was the only alternative.

- The only alternative? The only alternative was to have avoided this whole mess...

- I know, but we have a more serious problem right now...

The Supreme looked over Leona's shoulders and understood what she meant. Although he was an extremely severe man, he was also consistent and fair.

***

- But we managed to save the diary, after all. Even after everything that happened... and...

- Yes. That's right. But at a very high price.

- This is no longer relevant. What matters now is that we have managed to protect our future and the living of all these people...

- But we messed with the past. It should not have happened. It was a very serious risk... and invariably every intervention has its consequences.

- But you were not going to live for long, back there, anyway... The attack may have been anticipated by our arrival at that time in the laboratory, but for all intents and purposes, you'd be dead that night and that's what happened. No one will ever know the truth... What difference could it make, now?

- Never underestimate the effects of the small things or those that seem to have little importance... How do you know that nothing has remained untouched in this future? Even if you have not noticed yet... there has been a change!

- Are you sure?

- I am, yes...

Leona looked at her father with concern. His brother's death had been a sacrifice, in the name of the future and science, which had not been foreseen, nor could it be prevented or reversed. Time is cruel and does not forgive... That new finding, however, was quite worrying.

Her father pointed to the laboratory. From there, David, the Thirteenth cone, looked at her and the old scientist.

Leona frowned. He seemed calm, but the anomaly was more and more evident. The woman pulled her father by the arm and they entered the immaculately white room.

The chief scientist seemed to be tremendously stressed and in despair.