Hyacinthus (Final)

“Down on my knees, down on my knees once again... 

  I'm down on my knees, down on my knees once again... 

  Breaking in tears, breaking in tears once again...

  It's hard for me, but I'm trying”… (Adam Evald; “That Day”)

***

- What have you done?

- If he’s not mine, he’s not anyone else’s either…

- Are you out of your mind? And what do we do now?

He revealed that maleficent smile again, while speaking very slowly and clearly.

- I won’t do anything… I have just done what I wanted to… You’re the one who has to do something now.

- Oh, my God! What do I do now?

- Take your medicine and I’ll disappear… and you’ll have to face a crime… alone… or you can call it an accident. Perhaps they’ll buy it, or else…

- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

***

- You’re delirious! There’s nothing in there.

- I promise you there was a body. A dead man! He was right there!    

   

- How long since you’ve taken your last pill?

- I’m not sure. I’ve lost track of time.

- Look at me. Focus. Now! How long?

- I don’t know. A couple of weeks, maybe.

- Weeks? Are you crazy? You know you must take it every day!!! How do you know you’re not hallucinating?

- I’m not. I mean, I don’t think so…

- You don’t think so? You don’t think so?!?!? What does that mean? Don’t you see you can be convicted as accessory to a crime? If there was really a crime!

- I’m not an accessory. I did not encourage or participate in that...

- You’ll have to prove it, if we ever find the body.

He kneeled on the floor, holding his head with both hands and cried, like a child, when they heard the sound of the siren coming closer.

***

There was silence in the darkness. There was darkness in that silence.

The man looked around. He seemed to be alone. He was not sure where he was. He heard a dry click and suddenly a door was opened. The light pierced his eyes. He tried to cover his face with both hands, but he could not move them. He was not alone anymore.

- How do you feel?

- What is this? Where am I?

- You’re safe now. We will take care of you…

The men dressed in white came closer. He had the impression he knew one of them. He saw his friend on the corner of the room, but that could be just an impression… his mind playing games with him.

A sudden sting in his left arm made him open his eyes wide, but he soon felt he could not keep them open for much longer. He could still hear the noises of people talking, but the words were vanishing in the confusing mix of different voices.

Then it was all dark again… and silent…

***

- How is he doing?

- He’s been in and out. He’s just coming out of another crisis. His case became more and more complex with the passing of time and the fact that he did not take the medication for months.

- I see…

The doctor was being as honest and practical as he could be.

- He needs to stay in intensive care for some time still, before we release him.

- Will he ever been cured? I mean, even with a lifetime prescription process?

- We’ll never know for sure… Life is full of surprises…

***

- Will you help me out of here?

- That’s what I’m doing…

- No. Not this way, no…

- It is the only way now.

- Please…

- You asked me once if I knew about your feelings for me and I said I was not good at speaking my heart out. Well, I thought a lot about that, and the only way out is staying in. And this is so because I really care about you. More than anything else… I’ll be here for you all the time.

His eyes were fixed on his loved comrade. There was a mix of pity, concern and true affection. He touched his friend’s face, very lightly.

- You are so kind…

- And you’re so stoned…

He closed his eyes and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

***

Patience, medication and a close vigilance proved to be the most effective treatment for his schizophrenia.

The doctors discharge him from the treatment centre after deciding he was ready to go back to his almost normal life and to the things and people he was used to, when the symptoms seemed to have disappeared completely.

He was relieved and so was his best friend and mentor. They needed a celebration. They had agreed they would go to the beach house, as he wanted to spend a time by the sea, far from doctors and nurses.

They drove to the beach so to spend more than just that weekend away.

***

- Don’t go away. I don’t want you to leave anymore.

- I’m right here. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.

- I feel sad when I think that he died that way. I still feel guilty about all of that…

- He’s not dead, silly!

- What do you mean?

- How could he? He’d never been real.

- You should not be here either. Not anymore… at least… but…

He smiled. That strange smirk again.

- Your mind is more powerful than you want to admit! Have you taken your pills today?

- I have, of course.

- Then?

- You’re still here.

- See? If after all this time you still see me… well, you know how to put two and two together. I’m glad you’ve kept our secret that I’ve never really disappeared. Now, look around. Don’t you see him? At that side of the beach, close to the rocks?

He walked some timid steps to that direction.

His perception of everything around him seemed more accurate and clear than ever before: the breeze… the raging sea... a sound he had known very well…

The discus fell at his feet. When he leaned forward to catch it, he heard the giggle. The man’s ginger hair was shining in the sun. He loved that handsome and masculine face and that bright smile, almost brighter than the sun.  

He looked at him, smiling and feeling relieved. They hugged each other in silence.

They both started crying, filled with a strange and authentic happiness.

The sky above was very clean and blue. The wind wafted around them and it felt like an embrace and a kiss blown on their faces. They heard a chuckle. 

He knew Zephyr was laughing at them from a distance.

***

The day was sunny and warm, and the breeze was really welcoming. His friend’s hand lay upon his shoulder and he felt protected, loved and, if that was possible, as free as a seabird.

- You’re the kindest and more loved creature of the Universe! I would never be thankful enough for the patience and care and attention and…

- Oh! Stop it! I really care about you. A lot… And I’m not afraid of saying that anymore.

Stripping off his t-shirt and getting rid of his training shoes and shorts, he walked straight to the sea, followed by his best friend, who was as naked and feeling as free as he was.

Two figures were observing them, sitting on the rocks, from a safe distance.

He pretended not to see them, but he sensed they were smiling, as if they were having fun with all that.

***

Hyacinthus (Part 2)

- Of all the mythological legends, my all-time favourite has always been Apollo’s.

- Oh! Mine is Narcissus!

- It figures! I would have never guessed…

They looked at each other, seriously, for a while and then burst into laughter.

***

The summer holidays were almost over and he was getting ready to go back to his normal life. He had decided to pack his things and put them in the trunk of his car, while it was still early in the morning, but changed his idea, as soon as he opened the door.

It would be a nice sunny Saturday and although he intended initially to leave the place by lunch time, he thought it would be better to postpone it to the end of the afternoon, so he could have a relaxing last day at the beach.

The sun was slowly rising up in the sky. Soon it would be warm enough.

A quick sprint by the shore would be good to prepare his mind and body for the week ahead and the routines he was used to, including the therapy sessions. He had so many things to talk about.

It was not the right time to think about the week affairs, though. He needed to keep an easy mind for that last day, at least.

He jogged for some minutes along the beach and when he was back, he looked at the inviting sea, stripped off and went for a swim. The water was cold but the day was warm already. He thought he was a lucky man after all.

He smiled when he thought about his friend.

(- Funny name!)

They had known each other for some time and still kept the same sympathy they had since the beginning. Better saying: that feeling grew stronger with time and with the intimacy they shared. Besides that, there was a true respect for each other and that made the whole difference.

- How long are you going to be in the water still?

- Uh? What?

- You’re gonna freeze. This water is so cold!

He did not respond, but realized he had forgotten about the water and how cold it was, so distracted he was with his own thoughts. He felt his muscles going rigid. It was time to go off the sea and head home.

***

- You know my feelings about this, don’t you?

- I do. And you know I’m not good at speaking my feelings out…

- What will you do?

- I can’t do anything other than what I’m already doing. I’m deeply and fully in this, but this is the farthest I can go... at least for now.

- I understand.

- Do I disappoint you?

- Not really. I try to have my two feet set firmly on the ground.

- I’ve never made any promises, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep them.

- I know what you mean. It was just…

He stopped in the middle of the sentence. He almost said it and he knew he would have regretted it soon after if he did.

The other man simply looked at him with a sudden gloom in his eyes. He knew exactly how that sentence could end. Sadly.

They sat, quiet, for quite a long time. That was a moment when words would mean nothing, because they knew the language their feelings spoke. Silence weighed heavily between the two.

They avoided looking into each other’s faces and eyes. Their tears would not allow them to see clearly anyway.

***

“I'll never forget what happened that day,

 The fear in your eyes, the cutting away

 You left to my world fine memories,

 But I've turned them into sworn enemies

 That day”... (Adam Evald; “That Day”)

- This song again? Don’t you ever tire of listening to it?

He ignored the irony.

- Why do you come here only when you know I’m alone?

- I feel you need me.

- How can you?

He smiled. That meant he would not reply. The man was so used to that already, he did not even try to argue.

- I’m seeing a therapist today.

- That’s stupid and a waste. You don’t need any.

- Is that what you think? You’re the reason I need to see one.

- Bullshit! You don’t need anyone but me.

- Arrogance? Now? You must be kidding me.

He smiled again.

- Go, if you want to. I think you’re wrong. I know you won’t listen to me anyway… until you realize you don’t really need that help from a stranger.

- I know and you know that I know.

- Playing with words now? That’s so much you.

The man simply smiled back. Like his counterpart, he did not want… or need… to riposte to that baiting.

***

The man was offered the seat in the brown leather armchair on the left side of the room and waited. The therapist had asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee.

The buzz of the machine backgrounded his thoughts and he was trying to find a way to start the conversation. He knew how the therapy worked and he needed to go straight to the point for many reasons. The quicker he would do it, the better it would be for the results. Besides that, there were pecuniary reasons to be taken into consideration too.

- I need help. Urgently! Don’t think it is easy for me to say it, but it is the only way.

- Well, that’s a good beginning. What kind of help are you talking about?

- I don’t want to come with a ready diagnosis and tell you what I need to do, but you will agree with me that I will need to go under medication as soon as possible.

- And what leads you to think anything like that?

- I confess I’ve been through that before and did not take it seriously. Now I see I really need to or else I’ll go on a one-way trip to my end and completely out of control. And I don’t like that and don’t want that either. I thought I could live with that and could go over it, but I can’t. I simply can’t.

- What are you talking about? Go straight to the point, man. Please!

- I hear voices in my head all the time and I see people who do not exist in reality.

- How do you know they don’t exist?

- I was already diagnosed as schizophrenic!  

***

All Along the Coastline (Part 1)

- By car?

- Yes. Why not?

- You know I hate to travel by car especially that far away. We could go by plane and get there in a few hours. That will take long boring days...

- Stop being a pain. The country is not even that big. It'll be fun. Take it as an adventure.

- That's what scares me. I remember very well what kind of adventure we had to go through the other times... and who had been screwed up in the end...

- How unfair. We always do well... at least in the end, anyway... Besides, going by car, we'll have more control of the whole trip. The intention is to rest and to have some fun. Let's drive all the way down just along the coast. We stop on the way, when we're tired, and we'll just do whatever we want.

The young man wearing glasses looked at his friend, not at all convinced that the argument was sustainable. It might have been a good idea, but he already knew what kind of adventures they were getting into. But the other man, totally thrilled with the idea, was not going to be demoted of it, so easily. He knew he was going to lose his argument, so he gave up without even saying it out loud.

- I've already received the confirmation of the permission to go on a leave. We will have two whole weeks, just to rest and do whatever we want to. I already rented a car... And, of course, we'll take the tent along with us, in case we need it, if we cannot find where to stay, anytime. It can be even cheaper if we camp sometimes and sleep in the tent for a night nor two.

- Why do you always do these things without telling me first?

- If I’d told you, you would start with unnecessary arguments and excuses, and it would take me much longer, until I got authorization and started the booking process and stuff.

- See?

- That's why I moved on. So you just have to pack your rucksack and enjoy it.

The other man threw himself into the bed of the room that they shared in the army barracks. He knew his friend was right, in a way. They needed holidays and a good and nice rest. Whenever they went out together, however, something unusual happened, leaving them with more action than they needed. This time, however, he did not feel that apprehension he felt on previous times, which seemed to be a good sign.

- I give up arguing with you! When are we going?

- In the morning. We must leave early to enjoy the day. The car is already available. 

The young man got up and looked at the other one with a desperate look. He would not even have time to get used to the idea. He would barely have time to stuff his backpack in. At least they'd have a break from the army life... And they deserved those two weeks of rest. Now, however, he had to hurry and get ready.

Amazing how his mind worked at high speed when he was under pressure.

All he had to do was put a few clothes in - they were going to be on the beach longer than anywhere else - sunblock, a hat, shorts and flip flops... What else?

The room seemed more vivacious and full of life, in that momentary burst of luggage packing.

The young soldier stood by the window and closed his eyes. A soft, cool night breeze brushed his cheek. For a moment it seemed he could already feel the soft white sand touching his toes and the refreshing water of the sea washing his legs...

***

A hot and dry day, as the summer days should be, dawned behind the hills in an explosion of warm colours. The two friends were all dressed up and ready to leave and their backpacks were placed in the back of the rented car. They would stop at the first service station down the road and have a quick breakfast, so they did not waste much time. They did not want to get to the beach too late in the morning. The first part of the trip should take around three hours to the coast, where they would start driving down the sea shore, going southbound.

A little more than three hours later, standing in front of the mouth of the river, the two young men inhaled the pleasant salty air of the sea and the river. Nature was calm and inviting. In fact, it did not even require a special invitation for the two of them to go down to the beach and dive into the water.

***

- That's what I call life! No worries about tomorrow... or the day after tomorrow...

- Ahahah ... you bet. And we do not have any type of schedules for anything. It's good to rest from the rigidity of the Army, at least once in a while.

- By the way, I'm hungry. Let's have a bite to eat and then take some time off before we hit the road.

- We can continue the trip later or tomorrow only. We are not in a hurry. It's so good here and it's quiet enough...

- Let's see if we can get a place to sleep at one of the local inns tonight then. We can enjoy the day, go to sleep when we want and go back to the road tomorrow morning.

- OK. Sounds good to me.

 ***

A nice plate of grilled fish, accompanied by a ripe white wine, very fresh, followed by a mango mousse and a strong coffee, were enough to leave the young men satisfied and in very good frame of mind.

The night was quite pleasant, with no wind, although it was not hot. The two had chosen a restaurant with a terrace facing the sea, not far from the inn, where they would spend the night before going back to hit the road next morning.

- It was a good thing deciding to stay here tonight. I like this quietness here. For me, we can even stay longer.

- I know. But if we do not continue the trip, we may miss seeing more interesting things on the way... We can come back earlier and spend another night or two here again anyway.

- That's not a bad idea at all...

- Let's go for a walk on the beach and enjoy this lovely evening. I need to walk a little after all this food and wine... I’m so full…

They paid the bill and got up. 

A white van stopped in the street outside the restaurant, unnoticed by both of them. On its side, painted in red, the three letters, N.M.E., called no more attention than the vehicle itself.

The two men went down the three roughly cut granite steps and began to walk along the shoreline, with their flip-flops in one hand and a newly purchased beer can in the other. Despite the pleasant evening, the beach was almost deserted, which was no impediment for a healthy walk.

A flash of lightning struck the sky from the front of them, drawing their attention, especially as the sky seemed clean and starry. It looked like a small comet, but it seemed to be very low. The sound of something hard hitting the sea, right behind where they came from, made them stop and look back.

The light from the poles reflected on the strange metallic object, floating in the salty water and swaying with the waves, still smoking, not far from where they were.

The two did not hesitate and dropped their flip-flops and beer cans, jumping into the water and swimming with energy, toward the smouldering object. A few meters away, other men also got into the sea at the same time and with the same intention. The two groups arrived together to where the metal capsule was and joining forces began to drag it to the beach. 

The two friends did not pay much attention to the other men who helped them in the rescue, thinking they were random passers-by, who noticed their efforts and decided to help, being as curious as they were.

They could not be more mistaken...

***

- Hey! Are you all right?

- I think so. What happened?

- You slept on the beach. You must have been very drunk.

- What? No!

The man wearing glasses was nauseous and his head was very sore. He looked like he had a horrible hangover, but he could not remember drinking that much.

The fishermen found the two young men asleep on the beach when they were on their way to the sea. The men were only in shorts and seemed to be cold because they were bent like babies. The sun was still a thin, pale band of light rising up on the horizon in the pleasant cool summer morning. Next to their bodies there were a few empty beer cans.

-What happened to the metal sphere we took out of the sea?

- Did you take drugs?

- Of course not! We took the ball out of the water, with the help of some men. We thought they were fishermen or tourists...

- You'd better tell another story, if anyone asks. This one will not get you out of trouble. Are you staying around here?

- At the boarding house.

 The men laughed.

- Then you have just lost the cost of the daily rate sleeping on the beach. If you're okay, better go back to the boarding house and take a good shower and dress clean clothes. You are covered in sand and stinking of sweat and alcohol.

The two guys picked up their belongings scattered on the beach, thanked the fishermen and went up the street, towards their quarters. A red mark on their backs went completely unnoticed until they were alone, after taking a good warm shower and getting dressed to continue the journey.

- What is it? There is a red mark on your back. It looks like it’s burned out.

- You have one too, but yours is closer to the side... How strange! It looks like an electric burn... something like a... a Taser, maybe?

 The two soldiers looked at each other and began to suspect that there was more mystery than they could have imagined in that story.

- We were knocked over and left on the beach. Those men…

- ... They robbed us ... They were thieves!

- Do you think they were mere thieves? And by stealing what they did, they took what was not ours... So why did they help us?

- We were used to help get that ball out of the water. Our help was used, because we were at hand. What was it that was so important in that metallic sphere?

- I do not know, but I do NOT want to know. Let's get ourselves out of here as soon as possible. I know this look... You're starting to think about putting us in big trouble. Let's go before it gets too late to come back.

The young man was frowning and his mind was working at high speed. He repeated the thought aloud.

- What could there be, so interesting or important, in that sphere, that led them to take us down and remove it from here, but not before making us look like two drunks lying on the beach? Why the concern in making us look like junky fools?

- Think. If we were drunk or drugged we could tell any story and that would be taken as a hallucination... no one would ever believe in us.

- It is true…

- But if for all intents and purposes we are only tourists on holidays, why would anyone be so concerned about making fools out of ourselves?

- That's what we need to find out.

- Oh! No, no and no! We are on holidays and we will not look for trouble. It's not right and it's not fair.

- What is wrong is to get out of here, leaving the idea that we are two junkies, who tell lies and sleep drugged on the beach... It's a matter of honour. Imagine if the army knows that...

***  

- The car's ready. I got my lunch and my backpack. We just need to check out and leave.

- I'll finish packing mine too. You can go down to the reception, to check out and I'll follow soon, then.

A few minutes later, when he came down with his backpack in hand, the man wearing glasses did not see his friend. When asked about him, the maid attending the reception informed that he was talking to two men and that the three of them went out in a white van.

- And he did not leave me a message?

- He did not say anything when he left with the two men after paying the bill. He still looked back, before getting into the van, but he did not look worried. For all that matters, I remember that there were three letters painted in red on the side: N.M.E.

- And now, this one! Where did he go?

As he walked out in the direction of the car, which was parked in front of the boarding house, the young man noticed that the front tire was flat. He looked around to see if he could see anyone. At that hour of the morning, even before the sun was any far above the horizon, the streets were still empty. He walked around the car and opened the trunk, taking out the spare tire, the wheel wrench and the jack, with feelings varying between the angry and the confused.

As he bent down to begin unscrewing the tire locking nuts, he heard a noise behind him and felt someone touch his arm. Even before he could see who was behind him, he felt a sting in the back of his neck and everything went black immediately.