Earworm (Part 2)

- Are you an angel?

- No. Not really…

- Then?

- I am here to help you make it through…

- Make it through?

- To the other… Side…

- You’re scaring me.

- Please, don’t be afraid. You will be alright.

- Now I’m really scared. This is getting insane…

- A leap of faith?

- Another one?

He smiled. Funny how his smile made me feel so good and safe. Something in my mind was telling me I should trust him. He kept on looking at me with that kindness clearly shown in his eyes. My legs went weak and I felt I needed to sit. He just held my hand. My sight went black. My mind went blank. Then I disappeared… or everything else did…

***

- Come with me. The Canal must be pretty quiet by now. It’s late and no one is working on the gondolas at this time of the evening. I’ll take you to the other side…

The night was pitch dark, with no moon shining in the sky. He chose a new moon night very wisely. I could see the stars glittering way above our heads, but could not see much beyond our eyes. His hand was clenched in mine. His grasp was warm and firm. For a strange reason, my heart was blazing, in spite of the night being fresh, almost cold. I was being conducted by him through the night, skilfully through the dark waters of the silent canal. The lights of the town were behind us and he was leading the boat to the foggy side of the place. I felt tired, but was apprehensive at the same time, so I could not close my eyes for a second.

I trusted him and his abilities… I had to… but then he led the boat through the cellars of a very old building. Suddenly all the lights disappeared and I could only hear the sound of the rowing oar softly hitting the water around us. I lost his grip and held the side of the boat with both hands. I felt we were moving forward and a gentle e fresh breeze was still blowing on my face. He was silent and so was I, more for fear than for consciousness, keeping my ears in complete alertness.

- Where are we?

- Shush. Don’t worry. Trust me. We’re almost there.

- There? Where?

He never responded. The silence was almost unbearable. I gave up and kept my mouth apprehensively shut along that strange trip in the dark cellars, until I saw the very pale light that was shimmering right ahead. My heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to have a breakdown. My mind was completely uneasy and I felt shivers going up and down my spine. My thoughts became one, shouting in my mind that abnormal state of dread.

“Oh, God! I’m so undeniably scared now.”

And then it got even worse when I heard him say:

- Don’t be. There is nothing to be scared of.

He did that again. How could he know what I was thinking? I wondered if I would ever know.

Then he slowed the boat down and docked, jumping quickly to the path and helping me to step off to the firm terrain. His hand was warm and mine was terribly cold.

And then he smiled at me. For a strange reason, instead of feeling safe, I felt scared. What would his intention be? Why that strange smile?

My heart missed another beat. Then…

***

- What was that?

- A dream, I guess…

- You guess? You know what it was…

He just smiled, as if he knew more than he was actually saying.

- Man, this is crazy. What are doing to me? You’re scaring me to death.

- That’s not my intention whatsoever, my dearest. Not at all. I’m just preparing you.

- That ‘I’m preparing you’ thing again. Why don’t you say it all? I’m getting tired of this…

He simply responded the most soothing way he could.

- We have already spoken about this.

- Yes, we have, but that does not make me feel better.

My mind wandered in time.

***

- A reason?

- You will know when the time is due.

- And I guess I won’t know anything else about it beforehand…

- As I said, when the time is due, my dear… only then…

- This is pretty annoying, did you know that? And it is a bit scary…

- You won’t be hurt. Don’t worry.

- Hurt? Is that your concern?

- Mainly…

I punched his arm, trying to hurt him badly.

- Ouch!

But he just held my hand, kissed it and embraced me, laughing at my clumsy attempt to harm him.

- You will be alright.

For a strange reason, I felt he was trying to protect me, but could not define of what… or who… so I closed my eyes and snuggled in his chest. He touched my face so lightly, I thought of snowflakes brushing my skin, but so much warmer…

***

- I had that dream again.

- Did you?

He was smiling. I wondered what that crafty smile could mean. He knew it. I knew he knew it. He knew exactly what was going on in my mind… always.

- Why this funny look?

- You know everything. Guess it.

- I don’t know everything. Your impression of me is too far from reality.

- It is not. You’ve always been so mysterious and reticent. You get me confused and then you laugh at me, without any real explanation… and I wonder where this is going to take me, but I suppose you won’t tell me now…

- Maybe one day…

***

- Tell me your secrets… even the darkest ones… you can trust me.

- If you tell me yours…

He simply smiled, pretending he was kind of defeated. He would never tell me any of his hidden secrets. If he could really read my mind, many of my undisclosed wounds were still vulnerable, as far as I was concerned. He could touch them and either hurt me or heal me. It was his option or his call. He had me entirely in his hands.

And those hands… oh, God… they were so caring. His touch was so perfectly endearing, drawing his way around the curves of my body. His lips brushed on mine, then on my neck, my chest and my stomach. He then went down my tickling skin, giving me goose bumps as he kissed his way over it and holding my body firmly in his warm hands, as if to assure I would not fly away from his caresses… as if I would ever try to…

How could I think of anything else, but pleasure, when I was being touched and pampered like that? I could get addicted to that and to him, anytime and anyway.

No. In fact, I could not. The conditional case, here, should not be applied anymore. It was too late for that.

Thinking clearly and plainly, I was actually already addicted to him.

He could do anything he wanted to and take anything from me and I would certainly indulge without any sign of struggle. He was my lover and he mastered the art of seduction, making me forget about everything else when we were together. The world could turn around without us for a whole night or longer, if he wanted to. I was a toy in his hands, accepting openly what I could take from him, as if it was the last thing I would do in my life… Then he would take whole control and make me go to Heaven or Hell in seconds, until the whole world exploded from me and I would fall from the heights, attached to his body and soul, as if we were just one. 

Weary and happy, we would then fall asleep in each other’s arms, sleeping together and dreaming separate dreams.

***

- I have to go now.

- But it’s still early…

- I know and I don’t really want to, but I must.

- I wish you could stay a little longer, sweet man.

- I’m not going to be late tonight. I promise.

His eyes, then, wondered away. I knew that look. My body reacted immediately, getting tense and I shivered a little.

- This is not a goodbye. It is just a ‘see you later’…

- I know that…

He sat on the bed side. My eyes were trying to memorize the lines of his back and arms, while he was slowly getting dressed and ready to leave. I was busy observing his almost catlike manoeuvres, still amazed and enchanted, after so long together, by the way he moved. He was astonishing, in the most beautiful sense of the word. He was not only handsome, but also very masculine. I loved the way he cared about himself and kept his strong body in good shape.

He left a few minutes later. I still had about an hour before my time to get up, so I simple rolled over and fell asleep for another while.

***

I was wondering around after lunch, close to the Canal, half wishing I could see him around, but I knew it would be just a wish, as his schedule was not rigid. It would depend on the tourists and the season was almost over, with the weather cooling down and the number of customers dwindling every day. It was already past mid-Autumn. The air was fresher by the channel and most of the beggars avoided those spots, but needed to be closer to the restaurants and the streets. 

An old woman I used to see by the trattoria was sitting on the walkway by the sun and with her back on the wall. She seemed to be sleeping calmly and warmed up by the light and almost too pale rays of the early afternoon. For some reason I kept on watching her. Her body leaned a bit forward, as if she really fell asleep in the warm spot where she was. I think I was the only person looking at her. It’s funny how old beggars turn into totally invisible people to the passers-by. 

I got into the trattoria and ordered a cup of coffee, then sat by the window. The old beggar lady was still there, in the same position, leaning a bit forward while sitting out in the sun. My mind was almost empty. I was just watching the movement of people and observing the old woman.

A known silhouette appeared from I don’t know where and stopped by her. My eyes brighten up and I was ready to get up and go outside when the waiter brought my coffee. When my attention was away from him and I looked out of the window again, I saw the man was stretching his hand out to the woman, who had woken up and put her wrinkled fingers inside the younger man’s palm, so to get up. He helped her standing up and the two followed the pathway, walking side by side. They seemed to keep silence, while they walked away from my sight. 

I decided I would follow them, just to see what he was doing. It was a mix of kindness, but at the same time very intriguing. As I walked out the door, I noticed the place where the woman was a few minutes back was as intact as if she was still around. Her few plastic bags and an old grey and red woollen shawl were still there. It seemed time had congealed, and I thought something was wrong, so I just got the shawl in my hands and walked away with quick steps, trying to reach them, as if I really could.

They could not be seen on the street ahead, but I followed my heart and the path I thought they would be taking, going to the direction of the Canal. For a change, I was right. By the time I turned the corner, I saw he was helping her into the gondola. They were alone, and I could not see the usual line of tourists forming up by the boat. She slowly sat on the back of the gondola and they travelled through the Canal, before I could reach them. I would not shout, as I knew he would not hear me anyway.

I decided to follow them for as far as I could, even knowing that would not make much sense. My heart was beating fast. My mind was uneasy. I followed the gondola for many streets, trying to be as close to them as possible.

Suddenly they left the Grand Canal and took one of the narrow streams. As the boat floated along, I noticed the place was quieter and quieter. In my mind I recognized the place. The boat went through a passageway and they got into the cellars of a very old building. I thought I saw him turning around and looking back at me, but I was not sure it really happened or if I just imagined it. I simply froze. Then, they disappeared into the shadows. 

I could not follow them anymore, but I recognized that was the same place I kept dreaming of.

My heart missed a beat... or even two.

What was he doing?

And me?… What was I doing?

***