Hyacinthus (Part 2)

- Of all the mythological legends, my all-time favourite has always been Apollo’s.

- Oh! Mine is Narcissus!

- It figures! I would have never guessed…

They looked at each other, seriously, for a while and then burst into laughter.

***

The summer holidays were almost over and he was getting ready to go back to his normal life. He had decided to pack his things and put them in the trunk of his car, while it was still early in the morning, but changed his idea, as soon as he opened the door.

It would be a nice sunny Saturday and although he intended initially to leave the place by lunch time, he thought it would be better to postpone it to the end of the afternoon, so he could have a relaxing last day at the beach.

The sun was slowly rising up in the sky. Soon it would be warm enough.

A quick sprint by the shore would be good to prepare his mind and body for the week ahead and the routines he was used to, including the therapy sessions. He had so many things to talk about.

It was not the right time to think about the week affairs, though. He needed to keep an easy mind for that last day, at least.

He jogged for some minutes along the beach and when he was back, he looked at the inviting sea, stripped off and went for a swim. The water was cold but the day was warm already. He thought he was a lucky man after all.

He smiled when he thought about his friend.

(- Funny name!)

They had known each other for some time and still kept the same sympathy they had since the beginning. Better saying: that feeling grew stronger with time and with the intimacy they shared. Besides that, there was a true respect for each other and that made the whole difference.

- How long are you going to be in the water still?

- Uh? What?

- You’re gonna freeze. This water is so cold!

He did not respond, but realized he had forgotten about the water and how cold it was, so distracted he was with his own thoughts. He felt his muscles going rigid. It was time to go off the sea and head home.

***

- You know my feelings about this, don’t you?

- I do. And you know I’m not good at speaking my feelings out…

- What will you do?

- I can’t do anything other than what I’m already doing. I’m deeply and fully in this, but this is the farthest I can go... at least for now.

- I understand.

- Do I disappoint you?

- Not really. I try to have my two feet set firmly on the ground.

- I’ve never made any promises, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep them.

- I know what you mean. It was just…

He stopped in the middle of the sentence. He almost said it and he knew he would have regretted it soon after if he did.

The other man simply looked at him with a sudden gloom in his eyes. He knew exactly how that sentence could end. Sadly.

They sat, quiet, for quite a long time. That was a moment when words would mean nothing, because they knew the language their feelings spoke. Silence weighed heavily between the two.

They avoided looking into each other’s faces and eyes. Their tears would not allow them to see clearly anyway.

***

“I'll never forget what happened that day,

 The fear in your eyes, the cutting away

 You left to my world fine memories,

 But I've turned them into sworn enemies

 That day”... (Adam Evald; “That Day”)

- This song again? Don’t you ever tire of listening to it?

He ignored the irony.

- Why do you come here only when you know I’m alone?

- I feel you need me.

- How can you?

He smiled. That meant he would not reply. The man was so used to that already, he did not even try to argue.

- I’m seeing a therapist today.

- That’s stupid and a waste. You don’t need any.

- Is that what you think? You’re the reason I need to see one.

- Bullshit! You don’t need anyone but me.

- Arrogance? Now? You must be kidding me.

He smiled again.

- Go, if you want to. I think you’re wrong. I know you won’t listen to me anyway… until you realize you don’t really need that help from a stranger.

- I know and you know that I know.

- Playing with words now? That’s so much you.

The man simply smiled back. Like his counterpart, he did not want… or need… to riposte to that baiting.

***

The man was offered the seat in the brown leather armchair on the left side of the room and waited. The therapist had asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee.

The buzz of the machine backgrounded his thoughts and he was trying to find a way to start the conversation. He knew how the therapy worked and he needed to go straight to the point for many reasons. The quicker he would do it, the better it would be for the results. Besides that, there were pecuniary reasons to be taken into consideration too.

- I need help. Urgently! Don’t think it is easy for me to say it, but it is the only way.

- Well, that’s a good beginning. What kind of help are you talking about?

- I don’t want to come with a ready diagnosis and tell you what I need to do, but you will agree with me that I will need to go under medication as soon as possible.

- And what leads you to think anything like that?

- I confess I’ve been through that before and did not take it seriously. Now I see I really need to or else I’ll go on a one-way trip to my end and completely out of control. And I don’t like that and don’t want that either. I thought I could live with that and could go over it, but I can’t. I simply can’t.

- What are you talking about? Go straight to the point, man. Please!

- I hear voices in my head all the time and I see people who do not exist in reality.

- How do you know they don’t exist?

- I was already diagnosed as schizophrenic!  

***