The Ginger Fox (Epilogue)

The rented house, in the outskirts of the city and close to the woods, not far from the ‘Ost Autobahn’, was especially chosen so we could have a nice week-long-staying in Vienna, with a different type of the luxury we would have at a hotel, but being intimate at the same time and free to have our privacy and our meals at any time, without any tight schedules. It was cheaper than a hotel anyway and it was a bargain I found on the internet.

- We really need to talk.

The conversation had been postponed due to the movement and noise of the crowd in and out of the Café at the station and our tourist visit agenda.

Now, that we were back home and had a light meal, he came back to the point where we had stopped some hours before.

He held both my hands in his. I looked into his green eyes. His pupils dilated as he returned the stare. I took it as a good sign.

- We cannot go on like this for much longer.

My heart missed a beat. ‘What is he talking about? I must have misread the signals. How did I…?’

I tried to understand.

- Like what?

- Like this… (He hesitated…) situation… relationship... whatever you would call it.

‘Oh, my sweet Lord. What is this now? Is he trying to say he is leaving me? Why?’

I felt a punch in my stomach.

- What are you trying to say? You’re scaring me.

- Don’t be scared. I’m trying to be as clear as possible.

- Well, you’re not succeeding and I’m more than just scared to death now. What is it?

- Calm down, please.

I took a deep breath. That was not supposed to be happening… He kept on holding my hands firmly, although I tried to escape from his grip a couple of times.

A strange sound on the outside interrupted that very awkward moment. I pulled my hands out of his and went off the back door, feeling relieved for a moment. My head was aching. I needed to breathe…

***

- It seems we are always being led to meet foxes in our ways, for some strange reason.

He was trying to catch up. I was not comfortable yet and small talk was not my thing at that moment.

- Yes. The poor animal was just trying to eat. Funny it was a ginger fox…

He missed that hint.

- Well, now it’s going to enjoy your gift, anyway. It was very sensible of you to give it a piece of meat…

- It was the least I could do…

I was not facing him. I wanted everything to be OK. I was afraid of what that serious conversation was going to be lead to and was not sure I wanted to hear what he was going to say. I had a demon on my back, whispering in my ear, telling me I was going to be seriously hurt.

‘For how long can one pretend not to listen to the obvious?’

- We really need to conclude this talk.

‘Oh, man… it is now!’

- I’ll try to be as clear and brief as possible.

- I hope you can.

- I thought a lot about us and our situation and I think we need to change it. We should not go on like this anymore…

- What’s wrong with this situation, anyway? We are happy.

- Yes, we are, but…

- There’s no but… if we are happy, why do we need to change it?

He gave up. He knew me and he knew I would not listen to his arguments, once I was in a very unsettled state of mind.

- OK, then. You’re not being reasonable. We talk later.

***

I smiled when he lit the match and then the little candle, having both hands around the tiny flame that progressed from diffident to stronger in a few seconds, painting his face with an amber tint. I was watching him closely. Then he blew the  flame out of the match and looked at me in awe.

- Now, what?

I sang the song.

“Anyone can light a candle

But not the way that you do

For if we look too close

Pure magic we would see

Pure magic we will be” (*The Candle Song – Jon Anderson & Vangelis)

He laughed at me.

- You’re funny. Sometimes you’re practical and sometimes so romantically silly. It’s just a candle. How can one light it another way? Now, let’s dine.

My time to give up. He was still smiling… that lovely grin of his. I was still worried.

- Ok. It’s just a candle, but I love the way you light it. It’s so unique, as if you were protecting it from extinguishing with such care. That makes my heart warm up.

- Yeah. Right. Will you pour me some wine now, please?

He was, in general, so adorably and sharply shy, especially when he pretended to be nothing but practical. I knew that was a defensive behaviour, only, so I let it go softly, took the bottle of dense red and poured him some, pretending I was saying, just casually:

- Of course.

He looked at me very serious and fired:

- You did not want to listen to my talk, but I need to tell you, anyway. I had a formal phone call not long ago and I was offered a very good opportunity, coincidentally here in Vienna and I am prone to accept it, so good it is to my life and career.

- Oh...

Caught in surprise, I was speechless. I kind of knew it was a very serious thing and I was right.

- But the reason I told you we cannot go on like this anymore is that I don’t want to be here without you. I know you can move as well, if you organize some things the right way.

- Yes, but it’s not that easy…

- I know, but I want you to consider marrying me. That can make things easier.

- What? What are you talking about?

- Don’t you want to?

- No. I mean, I don’t know. I never thought about it that way.

‘Oh, man… I was so awfully wrong’…

- Then don’t give me a definite answer now. Think about it…. For a while, at least.

***

- I’m so sleepy. I think that wine got me knocked out. I can hardly stay awake.

He giggled. Then he kissed me.

- It was a very good wine, my dear. Not like back home but very good anyway. Now you have some rest. Or maybe don’t… even… bother… to…

I did not open my eyes. He started unbuttoning my shirt and kissing my body… slowly and tenderly, finding his way all over my naked skin, front and back.

I surrendered to him… completely, feeling the heat coming up and down my body, my mind absolutely disconnected from everything else but his gentle caresses and his warm kisses.

He found the spot behind my ear and rubbed his ginger beard up and down, kissing it provocatively, covering my skin with uncontrolled goose bumps. Then he whispered in my ear.

- Think about the proposal I made, will you?

- The answer is yes…

- You’re drunk.

I giggled.

- I am.

***

Stares (Part 3)

‘This time it seemed so real... What could that possibly mean?’

The day had barely begun, and I was already unusually confused. That dream seemed more like a realistic vision, so vividly intense it had been.

I looked out through the large glass door that led to the balcony, with a cup of hot coffee in my hand. I noticed that it was rainy and windy, as if it were a winter day, although spring had already begun a few weeks before.

I thought about going back to bed, but I soon gave up, because I did not want to risk falling asleep and dreaming again. It was better to occupy myself with something more fruitful, until I understood what was going on with my head... or forget, for once, the dream I had had.

***

Sitting next to a large window, in the Café at the corner, I was distractedly gazing out when the phone rang. Not surprisingly, I heard the same hoarse, monotonous voice, already familiar to me. I listened attentively and quietly without answering more than a few grunts. I got up, paid the bill and went off to the garage, got into my car and headed out to the beach. I wanted to get over with it or I would not have peace of mind.

Avoiding thinking too much, during the drive of little longer than fifteen minutes, I put the sound louder and sang at the top of my lungs until I reached my destination. Deep down, I had a certain fear flying around my head and upsetting my reason.

When I got to the parking lot of a small restaurant, the rain was still falling heavily. I thought it was a bad day for any kind of meeting, especially at the beach.

I was neither happy nor very patient. I waited a few minutes and, as no one showed up, I decided to leave and go back to my life. I switched the engine on, pressed the clutch and engaged the rear gear. When I turned the steering wheel, and was going to leave the parking lot, the passenger door opened and he got into the front seat, by my side. I was sure the door was locked from inside, but did not say anything

***

- Speed up and go straight forward...

- But that's suicide!

- Don’t be a coward! Do you believe it or not?

I do not like to be challenged, nor to be called out a coward. I did not look away. The car was running up the road and I should take a turn to the right, but I did not move the wheel. I pushed the throttle harder and drove ahead.

I thought I was going to wake up as the car ran over the edge of the cliff, breaking the little wooden fence and flying toward the sea a few dozen feet below us, but that was not a dream. It was the harsh reality. The man sitting next to me, however, was smiling contentedly.

The sound that followed was abnormally deafening. I felt a strange taste in my mouth and then I lost conscience.

***

- It was quite a fall. It could have killed you. If we think about it, seriously, the result of the accident was not as serious as it might have been, considering the height of the cliff... If it were not for the surfers who saw the accident and went to your aid very soon...

- Oh, really? And the man who was with me? What happened to him?

I barely even recognized the sound of my own voice, which seemed just an echo of what it used to be. The doctor looked at me, without hiding a manifest concern.

- There was no one with you in that car...

I stared at the man dressed in white. A strong anguish nested in my chest. I heard the sound of the the beeps in the device attached to my body speed up, almost at the same time.

- Calm down, please. Now, it is better, first, to take all medicines, strictly. I added some tablets with Lithium salts, just to test a theory. At first it cannot be anything very serious, but it is convenient to be sure before diagnosing anything...

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, thinking of what I had just heard.

'Theory ... Theory, my ass!'

I knew for what kind of disorders Lithium salts were used to. It was inconceivable that was happening to me.

When I reopened my eyes, the doctor was already walking down the aisle, toward the X-ray room, with a large envelope containing my X-rays in my hand.

My head ached.

The nurse gave me a plastic cup with a mouthful of pills and asked me to swallow them all at once with a little water. Until then, I had not even noticed she was in that room. She watched me carefully, making sure I swallowed the drugs and then she left.

I could still hear her talking softly to someone, but I could not make out what she was saying, or whom she was talking to. It seemed to me, however, that it was something like:

'Everything will be fine'...

She pulled the door behind her, leaving me alone, lying almost motionless, in the hospital bed, on account of two broken legs and some fractured ribs.

I heard a very light knock at the door and waited, but my eyes closed down and I could not see if someone was coming in. The effect of the painkillers was very powerful and I fell asleep very quickly, in a sound and dreamless sleep...

***

A few months later, with lots of therapy and the very strict use of medication, I left the hospital and went back to my life again. I fetched the cat, who had stayed at my niece's house and brought him back with me. That simple act meant that my life was going back to normal, gradually, and that I could resume my routines and my job.

I still had to undergo physiotherapy until I recovered my normal movements and had to visit the hospital at least once a week.

On one of those visits, I ran into the nurse who was in the room the day I first woke up after the accident. She recognized me and greeted me with a broad smile.

- I see you're feeling better. How's your friend? He was very worried when he saw you in bed, all plastered...

- What friend?

- The one who always dresses in black...

I must have shown a very strange expression, for she soon completed.

- He came here several times, until the day you regained consciousness. That same day, he said he was going to travel, for a while...

- Of course. I have not seen him for ages. Thank you for your concern.

***

Saturday morning, I was at home, organizing my clothes, when I noticed that, in one of the pockets of a coat, there was a piece of folded paper. I recognized the small symbol drawn in black, as soon as I held it in my hand. I again unfolded that little message delivered to me by a restaurant clerk a few months before and read it with new interest.

It was like my head was traveling back in time. I stayed there, I do not know for how long, with the note in my hand, thinking about what had happened...

The cat came in, reminding me that it was his time to eat and I went to the kitchen, served him a portion of his food, but he stopped in front of the bowl of water, which was empty. I was sure I had it filled right after breakfast, but I filled it again, to his satisfaction. He thanked me with a slight butt and brushed his body against my legs. I stroked his back and head, hearing his satisfied purr.

I decided to go out and have something to eat somewhere else. I put on my coat and left, intending to go to the subway station. I still could not drive normally, and besides, I did not have the car. When I reached the lobby of the building, I saw that there was a symbol drawn on the dusty glass of the front door, which I recognized immediately. I looked for some trace of the author of that feat, outside, but there was no one around.

'Someone's kidding me.'

***

I was sitting on the terrace of a small restaurant by the beach, with my thoughts wandering far away. A glass of a fresh green white wine, halfway down, rested beside the fish dish I had just finished.

- I thought you preferred red wine...

I recognized the tone of that voice as soon as I heard his first words. The same monotonous and hoarse timbre, typical of him, denounced the interlocutor.

- And I really do, but given the heat and the lightness of the dish, I decided on the white. Sit down, please.

He sat in front of me and in the shade of the parasol. Dressed in black, like that, was not common at lunchtime or on the terrace of a beachside restaurant. I considered it in my mind, but did not comment anything.

His blue eyes rested on mine, in that staring and provocative way, which was characteristic of him and which annoyed me terribly. I felt a shiver going down my spine. He soon noticed and smiled.

- I see you look much better...

- Hopefully, in a while, I'll be one hundred percent... I saw the sign you left at the door.

He smiled again.

- I did not leave any signal.

- Oh, did you not? And who did it, then?

- When are you going to believe me? Have you not had enough evidence yet?

- Believe you? I almost died, for the sake of believing you... Do you expect more than that? Look how I broken I am now. Get out of my life for once. This must end... for once and for all…

- Even if I wanted to, that would no longer be possible.

He waited for my reaction, still staring at me. He probably noticed the confusion in my eyes, by the way he frowned.

- Let's get out of here.

He got up and waited for me to pay the bill and to go outside, where the sidewalks were crowded with people walking happily in the sun. His hair gleamed in the early afternoon light and his head seemed to be on fire. Mine felt like it was going to explode...

We walked on for a few minutes, without speaking, when a black car, with the windows protected by dark layers, stopped at the curb side and he said:

- Let's go!

- But this is the car that nearly hit me some time ago!

- But you were well protected. Were you not pulled back at the right time? We are always very attentive...

- That woman…

He laughed and opened the door. I followed my instinct and got into the car with him. Sitting in the backseat and with my eyes on the driver, I still felt a little stunned by what I had just heard... and saw...

***