Stares (Part 4)

- Let’s talk about serious things.

- It's more than time for us to talk seriously...

He leaned forward and began to speak. I was listening attentively and could not help but be impressed by what that red-haired man said.

***

- We're all prisoners here.

- What do you mean? Prisoners?

- Haven’t you realized that everything we do has a consequence? We are prisoners of our wills, our vices and our fears.

- That's just rhetoric...

- Is that so? I know you like that phrase. And it's the truth.

- Which one?

He smiled. I knew what phrase he was talking about but, as usual, I wanted him to be clear and specific. I always needed a confirmation on such things.

- You know... ah, you know... and you know it very well!

I smiled. He would not be fooled at all.

- What harm is there in wishing? If the desire is really strong... if we truly believe it...

- That's where the danger lies... Luckily, not everyone believes hard enough to make things happen... "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed” …

I laughed, somewhat disconcerted. I did not expect him to quote a sentence like that.

- You must know that I do not support transcendental things, nor follow any religion. This phrase, however, makes more sense than you can imagine.

- Just like my favourite one, I guess... But I did not expect a quote like this from someone who calls himself a "non-follower" of religions.

- We both know that it was men in their early days who created their gods, to compensate for their ineptitude in explaining the natural phenomena, giving them romantic names, and thus attributing superpowers to the forces of the universe.

And he started a long lecture on how religions were created and how the manipulation of knowledge, by the most erudite, rich and clever men was able to cross the ages and impose fear on those who could not - or should not - become aware of the truth.

- Men have been deceived all this time, led to believe the biggest lie of all, trying to find a reason to live their insipid lives and save their sinful souls. If they knew how powerful they were, above this whole bunch of lies, they would have changed the course of history for once and for all...

- On the other hand, not believing in anything can be even more dangerous. See what happens to the world, when people have nothing to believe in or are simply lost, without faith and without direction. They are not afraid of any impunity, they have no conscience and feel no guilt at all. See the chaos the world ended up becoming, with the most absurd and heinous crimes being committed not only by one man against the other but also against their own selves. We have never had so many homicides or suicides like we have nowadays. Our world has changed for worse…

- In a world where access to information is so easy and immediate, the false truths and the meaningless news with no depth at all are spread with the speed of a wind-blown fire in the dry grass. Few people still have patience to read newspapers, but everyone believes in what they read on these so celebrated and famous social networks. Something needs to be done urgently.

- But I'm too small to bring about any change that might be considerable...

- Are you really that small?

***

I'd never thought of those things that way. It was rather sad, complex and profound, though very true and credible.

The sound of a strange and intermittent beep began to annoy my head as he held out his hand to me and said:

- It's time to get back to the other side...

I looked at the end of that tangle of tunnels, in a very bright gallery, each with a different kind of exit, where people dressed in black were coming and going. He led me to one of the crossing terminals and told me that from then on I had to go alone, but that everything was going to be alright...

I confess I was somewhat afraid when I saw the shiny black car parked outside, but when its door was opened, I had the sensation I was being drawn out, with unexpected violence, by the powerful suction of an immense vacuum cleaner, in the direction of a very bright light.

The beeps sounded louder, more intermittent and in faster pace.

I kept my eyes shut, but I knew I had to face the facts. I felt a strange heat flushing my face and I slowly opened my eyes. A very strong light still seemed to blind me, but as I blinked, the misshapen figures around it slowly went into focus.

A few seconds later I heard a pleasant voice I knew already. The sweet beautiful shape of the woman in white became clearly visible, to my contentment.

‘Ah… a familiar face after all’...

I smirked and she smiled back at me, as I said:

- It's good to see you again.

She looked at me with patient caring eyes and spoke very gently.

- You've just gotten out of the coma you've been in since you had the car accident. You had been in that state for several months.

- But I left the hospital, right after then... We had met after that and we had even talked quite a bit...

- Maybe in your dreams. It is normal to have very realistic dreams in some unconscious states. But now everything's going to be all right. You just need to take the medications and do the physiotherapy very strictly. In a short time you will return to your former normal life...

'This is impossible! This cannot be happening. I think I'm in a recurring nightmare...'

- And how about my friend? Did he come and visit me, at least?

- What friend? You did not have any visitors.

- The one who always dresses in black clothes...

She laughed and pulled the sheet over my body, covering me up to my chest. She adjusted the intravenous drug flow, asked me to stay calm and quietly left the room.

I closed my eyes, half numbed by the effect of the painkillers. I felt like falling into a bottomless well, in slow motion, I do not know for how long.

***

From the corner of the room, a man dressed in black kept his stare set on me.

- I left an important message for you inside the drawer. You will recognize the symbol drawn on the folded paper.

I tried to think, but felt very tired suddenly and then I simply closed my eyes.

***

When I opened my eyes again, there was no one but me in the small hospital room. I tried to hear through the silence, to be sure I was really alone.

With a little effort, I opened the drawer at the bedside and searched for anything left there, but found nothing but a grey covered New Testament left by the Missionary Gideons. I thought I was in constant hallucination. I should have known I had another dream...

I was thirsty and needed some water and looked around. There was a plastic bottle of mineral water on the table. Beside it, there was an ordinary glass. I tried to move and reach both, but as I could not hold the bottle tightly, it fell off with a dry roar, rolling along the floor.

- What the hell!

- Calm down. I can help.

- What? How did you…?

She picked up the bottle and kindly poured me some water, which I drank with unusual pleasure. I had the impression I had not drunk pure water in a long time.

She then sat in a chair, crossed her legs and adjusted the coat of a modern, very elegant, dark grey tweed suit she was wearing. She ran her hand through her hair, bringing a lock of dark hair behind her right ear and making sure the bun was securely tied back at the top of her head.

I was still astonished, staring at her, who spoke to me, smiling:

- You can close your mouth now... You look very surprised to see me here.

- Of course I am. I did not see when you came in... I thought I was alone here.

- You are never alone.

She grinned. Impressive how she looked so full of herself... and, depending on what she was doing there, she was maybe, too, the mistress of my destiny...

- You did not search hard enough. You should have opened the book...

At that right moment, the door was opened and the nurse came back in. Visibly annoyed, she spoke firmly and directly to the other woman.

- The visit hours are over. He needs to rest now.

The woman got up and approached the bed, patting my hand with a friendly gesture.

- I'll be back another day, with more time. We still have a lot to talk about...

She scrutinized the nurse, looking into her eyes and left without saying another word. The nurse however did not seem to be upset by the confrontation, especially because the other woman complied with the set hospital rules.

- If you’re okay tomorrow, we'll take the Intravenous off and start with the physiotherapy sessions.

- OK.

When she left, I opened the drawer and fetched the grey covered booklet, freely distributed by the missionaries, with the intention of providing spiritual comfort to the illnesses of body and soul. I searched through the very fine pages to confirm the information I had just received. A small folded note had been left in the middle of the book, where the Psalm 91 was printed. I recognized the symbol drawn from the outside, as soon as I laid my eyes on the paper.

I began to open the note with trembling fingers. My heart missed a beat and I felt a discomfort in my stomach, like the sensation we have when we are scared or when we must go through an unpleasant situation.

It was time to face the truth...

Stares (Part 3)

‘This time it seemed so real... What could that possibly mean?’

The day had barely begun, and I was already unusually confused. That dream seemed more like a realistic vision, so vividly intense it had been.

I looked out through the large glass door that led to the balcony, with a cup of hot coffee in my hand. I noticed that it was rainy and windy, as if it were a winter day, although spring had already begun a few weeks before.

I thought about going back to bed, but I soon gave up, because I did not want to risk falling asleep and dreaming again. It was better to occupy myself with something more fruitful, until I understood what was going on with my head... or forget, for once, the dream I had had.

***

Sitting next to a large window, in the Café at the corner, I was distractedly gazing out when the phone rang. Not surprisingly, I heard the same hoarse, monotonous voice, already familiar to me. I listened attentively and quietly without answering more than a few grunts. I got up, paid the bill and went off to the garage, got into my car and headed out to the beach. I wanted to get over with it or I would not have peace of mind.

Avoiding thinking too much, during the drive of little longer than fifteen minutes, I put the sound louder and sang at the top of my lungs until I reached my destination. Deep down, I had a certain fear flying around my head and upsetting my reason.

When I got to the parking lot of a small restaurant, the rain was still falling heavily. I thought it was a bad day for any kind of meeting, especially at the beach.

I was neither happy nor very patient. I waited a few minutes and, as no one showed up, I decided to leave and go back to my life. I switched the engine on, pressed the clutch and engaged the rear gear. When I turned the steering wheel, and was going to leave the parking lot, the passenger door opened and he got into the front seat, by my side. I was sure the door was locked from inside, but did not say anything

***

- Speed up and go straight forward...

- But that's suicide!

- Don’t be a coward! Do you believe it or not?

I do not like to be challenged, nor to be called out a coward. I did not look away. The car was running up the road and I should take a turn to the right, but I did not move the wheel. I pushed the throttle harder and drove ahead.

I thought I was going to wake up as the car ran over the edge of the cliff, breaking the little wooden fence and flying toward the sea a few dozen feet below us, but that was not a dream. It was the harsh reality. The man sitting next to me, however, was smiling contentedly.

The sound that followed was abnormally deafening. I felt a strange taste in my mouth and then I lost conscience.

***

- It was quite a fall. It could have killed you. If we think about it, seriously, the result of the accident was not as serious as it might have been, considering the height of the cliff... If it were not for the surfers who saw the accident and went to your aid very soon...

- Oh, really? And the man who was with me? What happened to him?

I barely even recognized the sound of my own voice, which seemed just an echo of what it used to be. The doctor looked at me, without hiding a manifest concern.

- There was no one with you in that car...

I stared at the man dressed in white. A strong anguish nested in my chest. I heard the sound of the the beeps in the device attached to my body speed up, almost at the same time.

- Calm down, please. Now, it is better, first, to take all medicines, strictly. I added some tablets with Lithium salts, just to test a theory. At first it cannot be anything very serious, but it is convenient to be sure before diagnosing anything...

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, thinking of what I had just heard.

'Theory ... Theory, my ass!'

I knew for what kind of disorders Lithium salts were used to. It was inconceivable that was happening to me.

When I reopened my eyes, the doctor was already walking down the aisle, toward the X-ray room, with a large envelope containing my X-rays in my hand.

My head ached.

The nurse gave me a plastic cup with a mouthful of pills and asked me to swallow them all at once with a little water. Until then, I had not even noticed she was in that room. She watched me carefully, making sure I swallowed the drugs and then she left.

I could still hear her talking softly to someone, but I could not make out what she was saying, or whom she was talking to. It seemed to me, however, that it was something like:

'Everything will be fine'...

She pulled the door behind her, leaving me alone, lying almost motionless, in the hospital bed, on account of two broken legs and some fractured ribs.

I heard a very light knock at the door and waited, but my eyes closed down and I could not see if someone was coming in. The effect of the painkillers was very powerful and I fell asleep very quickly, in a sound and dreamless sleep...

***

A few months later, with lots of therapy and the very strict use of medication, I left the hospital and went back to my life again. I fetched the cat, who had stayed at my niece's house and brought him back with me. That simple act meant that my life was going back to normal, gradually, and that I could resume my routines and my job.

I still had to undergo physiotherapy until I recovered my normal movements and had to visit the hospital at least once a week.

On one of those visits, I ran into the nurse who was in the room the day I first woke up after the accident. She recognized me and greeted me with a broad smile.

- I see you're feeling better. How's your friend? He was very worried when he saw you in bed, all plastered...

- What friend?

- The one who always dresses in black...

I must have shown a very strange expression, for she soon completed.

- He came here several times, until the day you regained consciousness. That same day, he said he was going to travel, for a while...

- Of course. I have not seen him for ages. Thank you for your concern.

***

Saturday morning, I was at home, organizing my clothes, when I noticed that, in one of the pockets of a coat, there was a piece of folded paper. I recognized the small symbol drawn in black, as soon as I held it in my hand. I again unfolded that little message delivered to me by a restaurant clerk a few months before and read it with new interest.

It was like my head was traveling back in time. I stayed there, I do not know for how long, with the note in my hand, thinking about what had happened...

The cat came in, reminding me that it was his time to eat and I went to the kitchen, served him a portion of his food, but he stopped in front of the bowl of water, which was empty. I was sure I had it filled right after breakfast, but I filled it again, to his satisfaction. He thanked me with a slight butt and brushed his body against my legs. I stroked his back and head, hearing his satisfied purr.

I decided to go out and have something to eat somewhere else. I put on my coat and left, intending to go to the subway station. I still could not drive normally, and besides, I did not have the car. When I reached the lobby of the building, I saw that there was a symbol drawn on the dusty glass of the front door, which I recognized immediately. I looked for some trace of the author of that feat, outside, but there was no one around.

'Someone's kidding me.'

***

I was sitting on the terrace of a small restaurant by the beach, with my thoughts wandering far away. A glass of a fresh green white wine, halfway down, rested beside the fish dish I had just finished.

- I thought you preferred red wine...

I recognized the tone of that voice as soon as I heard his first words. The same monotonous and hoarse timbre, typical of him, denounced the interlocutor.

- And I really do, but given the heat and the lightness of the dish, I decided on the white. Sit down, please.

He sat in front of me and in the shade of the parasol. Dressed in black, like that, was not common at lunchtime or on the terrace of a beachside restaurant. I considered it in my mind, but did not comment anything.

His blue eyes rested on mine, in that staring and provocative way, which was characteristic of him and which annoyed me terribly. I felt a shiver going down my spine. He soon noticed and smiled.

- I see you look much better...

- Hopefully, in a while, I'll be one hundred percent... I saw the sign you left at the door.

He smiled again.

- I did not leave any signal.

- Oh, did you not? And who did it, then?

- When are you going to believe me? Have you not had enough evidence yet?

- Believe you? I almost died, for the sake of believing you... Do you expect more than that? Look how I broken I am now. Get out of my life for once. This must end... for once and for all…

- Even if I wanted to, that would no longer be possible.

He waited for my reaction, still staring at me. He probably noticed the confusion in my eyes, by the way he frowned.

- Let's get out of here.

He got up and waited for me to pay the bill and to go outside, where the sidewalks were crowded with people walking happily in the sun. His hair gleamed in the early afternoon light and his head seemed to be on fire. Mine felt like it was going to explode...

We walked on for a few minutes, without speaking, when a black car, with the windows protected by dark layers, stopped at the curb side and he said:

- Let's go!

- But this is the car that nearly hit me some time ago!

- But you were well protected. Were you not pulled back at the right time? We are always very attentive...

- That woman…

He laughed and opened the door. I followed my instinct and got into the car with him. Sitting in the backseat and with my eyes on the driver, I still felt a little stunned by what I had just heard... and saw...

***