The rented house, in the outskirts of the city
and close to the woods, not far from the ‘Ost
Autobahn’, was especially chosen so we could have a nice week-long-staying
in Vienna, with a different type of the luxury we would have at a hotel, but being intimate at the same time
and free to have our privacy and our meals at any time, without any tight schedules. It was cheaper than a hotel anyway and it was a bargain I found on
the internet.
- We really need to
talk.
The conversation had been postponed due to the
movement and noise of the crowd in and out of the Café at the station and our tourist
visit agenda.
Now, that we were back home and had a light
meal, he came back to the point where we had stopped some hours before.
He held both my hands in his. I looked into his
green eyes. His pupils dilated as he returned the stare. I took it as a good
sign.
- We cannot go on like
this for much longer.
My heart missed a beat. ‘What is he talking about? I must have misread the signals. How did I…?’
I tried to understand.
- Like what?
- Like this… (He
hesitated…) situation… relationship... whatever you would call it.
‘Oh, my sweet Lord.
What is this now? Is he trying to say he is leaving me? Why?’
I felt a punch in my stomach.
- What are you trying
to say? You’re scaring me.
- Don’t be scared. I’m
trying to be as clear as possible.
- Well, you’re not
succeeding and I’m more than just scared to death now. What is it?
- Calm down, please.
I took a deep breath. That was not supposed to
be happening… He kept on holding my hands firmly, although I tried to escape from
his grip a couple of times.
A strange sound on the outside interrupted that very awkward moment. I pulled my hands out of his and went off the back door,
feeling relieved for a moment. My head was aching. I needed to breathe…
***
- It seems we are
always being led to meet foxes in our ways, for some strange reason.
He was trying to catch up. I was not
comfortable yet and small talk was not my thing at that moment.
- Yes. The poor animal
was just trying to eat. Funny it was a ginger fox…
He missed that hint.
- Well, now it’s going
to enjoy your gift, anyway. It was very sensible of you to give it a piece of
meat…
- It was the least I
could do…
I was not facing him. I wanted everything to be
OK. I was afraid of what that serious conversation was going to be lead to and was not
sure I wanted to hear what he was going to say. I had a demon on my back,
whispering in my ear, telling me I was going to be seriously hurt.
‘For how long can one
pretend not to listen to the obvious?’
- We really need to conclude
this talk.
‘Oh, man… it is now!’
- I’ll try to be as
clear and brief as possible.
- I hope you can.
- I thought a lot
about us and our situation and I think we need to change it. We should not go
on like this anymore…
- What’s wrong with
this situation, anyway? We are happy.
- Yes, we are, but…
- There’s no but… if
we are happy, why do we need to change it?
He gave up. He knew me and he knew I would not
listen to his arguments, once I was in a very unsettled state of mind.
- OK, then. You’re not
being reasonable. We talk later.
***
I smiled when he lit the match and then the
little candle, having both hands around the tiny flame that progressed from
diffident to stronger in a few seconds, painting his face with an amber tint. I
was watching him closely. Then he blew the flame out of the match and looked at me in
awe.
- Now, what?
I sang the song.
“Anyone can light a candle
But not the way that you do
For if we look too close
Pure magic we would see
Pure magic we will be” (*The Candle Song – Jon
Anderson & Vangelis)
He laughed at me.
- You’re funny.
Sometimes you’re practical and sometimes so romantically silly. It’s just a
candle. How can one light it another way? Now, let’s dine.
My time to give up. He was still smiling… that
lovely grin of his. I was still worried.
- Ok. It’s just a
candle, but I love the way you light it. It’s so unique, as if you were
protecting it from extinguishing with such care. That makes my heart warm up.
- Yeah. Right. Will
you pour me some wine now, please?
He was, in general, so adorably and sharply shy,
especially when he pretended to be nothing but practical. I knew that was a
defensive behaviour, only, so I let it go softly, took the bottle of dense red
and poured him some, pretending I was saying, just casually:
- Of course.
He looked at me very serious and fired:
- You did not want to
listen to my talk, but I need to tell you, anyway. I had a formal phone call not long ago and I was offered a very good
opportunity, coincidentally here in Vienna and I am prone to accept it, so good
it is to my life and career.
- Oh...
Caught in surprise, I was speechless. I kind of
knew it was a very serious thing and I was right.
- But the reason I
told you we cannot go on like this anymore is that I don’t want to be here
without you. I know you can move as well, if you organize some things the right way.
- Yes, but it’s not
that easy…
- I know, but I want
you to consider marrying me. That can make things easier.
- What? What are you
talking about?
- Don’t you want to?
- No. I mean, I don’t
know. I never thought about it that way.
‘Oh, man… I was so awfully
wrong’…
- Then don’t give me a
definite answer now. Think about it…. For a while, at least.
***
- I’m so sleepy. I
think that wine got me knocked out. I can hardly stay awake.
He giggled. Then he kissed me.
- It was a very good
wine, my dear. Not like back home but very good anyway. Now you have some rest. Or maybe don’t… even… bother… to…
I did not open my eyes. He started unbuttoning
my shirt and kissing my body… slowly and tenderly, finding his way all over my naked
skin, front and back.
I surrendered to him… completely, feeling the
heat coming up and down my body, my mind absolutely disconnected from
everything else but his gentle caresses and his warm kisses.
He found the spot behind my ear and rubbed his
ginger beard up and down, kissing it provocatively, covering my skin with
uncontrolled goose bumps. Then he whispered in my ear.
- Think about the
proposal I made, will you?
- The answer is yes…
- You’re drunk.
I giggled.
- I am.
***
