The Ginger Fox (Epilogue)

The rented house, in the outskirts of the city and close to the woods, not far from the ‘Ost Autobahn’, was especially chosen so we could have a nice week-long-staying in Vienna, with a different type of the luxury we would have at a hotel, but being intimate at the same time and free to have our privacy and our meals at any time, without any tight schedules. It was cheaper than a hotel anyway and it was a bargain I found on the internet.

- We really need to talk.

The conversation had been postponed due to the movement and noise of the crowd in and out of the Café at the station and our tourist visit agenda.

Now, that we were back home and had a light meal, he came back to the point where we had stopped some hours before.

He held both my hands in his. I looked into his green eyes. His pupils dilated as he returned the stare. I took it as a good sign.

- We cannot go on like this for much longer.

My heart missed a beat. ‘What is he talking about? I must have misread the signals. How did I…?’

I tried to understand.

- Like what?

- Like this… (He hesitated…) situation… relationship... whatever you would call it.

‘Oh, my sweet Lord. What is this now? Is he trying to say he is leaving me? Why?’

I felt a punch in my stomach.

- What are you trying to say? You’re scaring me.

- Don’t be scared. I’m trying to be as clear as possible.

- Well, you’re not succeeding and I’m more than just scared to death now. What is it?

- Calm down, please.

I took a deep breath. That was not supposed to be happening… He kept on holding my hands firmly, although I tried to escape from his grip a couple of times.

A strange sound on the outside interrupted that very awkward moment. I pulled my hands out of his and went off the back door, feeling relieved for a moment. My head was aching. I needed to breathe…

***

- It seems we are always being led to meet foxes in our ways, for some strange reason.

He was trying to catch up. I was not comfortable yet and small talk was not my thing at that moment.

- Yes. The poor animal was just trying to eat. Funny it was a ginger fox…

He missed that hint.

- Well, now it’s going to enjoy your gift, anyway. It was very sensible of you to give it a piece of meat…

- It was the least I could do…

I was not facing him. I wanted everything to be OK. I was afraid of what that serious conversation was going to be lead to and was not sure I wanted to hear what he was going to say. I had a demon on my back, whispering in my ear, telling me I was going to be seriously hurt.

‘For how long can one pretend not to listen to the obvious?’

- We really need to conclude this talk.

‘Oh, man… it is now!’

- I’ll try to be as clear and brief as possible.

- I hope you can.

- I thought a lot about us and our situation and I think we need to change it. We should not go on like this anymore…

- What’s wrong with this situation, anyway? We are happy.

- Yes, we are, but…

- There’s no but… if we are happy, why do we need to change it?

He gave up. He knew me and he knew I would not listen to his arguments, once I was in a very unsettled state of mind.

- OK, then. You’re not being reasonable. We talk later.

***

I smiled when he lit the match and then the little candle, having both hands around the tiny flame that progressed from diffident to stronger in a few seconds, painting his face with an amber tint. I was watching him closely. Then he blew the  flame out of the match and looked at me in awe.

- Now, what?

I sang the song.

“Anyone can light a candle

But not the way that you do

For if we look too close

Pure magic we would see

Pure magic we will be” (*The Candle Song – Jon Anderson & Vangelis)

He laughed at me.

- You’re funny. Sometimes you’re practical and sometimes so romantically silly. It’s just a candle. How can one light it another way? Now, let’s dine.

My time to give up. He was still smiling… that lovely grin of his. I was still worried.

- Ok. It’s just a candle, but I love the way you light it. It’s so unique, as if you were protecting it from extinguishing with such care. That makes my heart warm up.

- Yeah. Right. Will you pour me some wine now, please?

He was, in general, so adorably and sharply shy, especially when he pretended to be nothing but practical. I knew that was a defensive behaviour, only, so I let it go softly, took the bottle of dense red and poured him some, pretending I was saying, just casually:

- Of course.

He looked at me very serious and fired:

- You did not want to listen to my talk, but I need to tell you, anyway. I had a formal phone call not long ago and I was offered a very good opportunity, coincidentally here in Vienna and I am prone to accept it, so good it is to my life and career.

- Oh...

Caught in surprise, I was speechless. I kind of knew it was a very serious thing and I was right.

- But the reason I told you we cannot go on like this anymore is that I don’t want to be here without you. I know you can move as well, if you organize some things the right way.

- Yes, but it’s not that easy…

- I know, but I want you to consider marrying me. That can make things easier.

- What? What are you talking about?

- Don’t you want to?

- No. I mean, I don’t know. I never thought about it that way.

‘Oh, man… I was so awfully wrong’…

- Then don’t give me a definite answer now. Think about it…. For a while, at least.

***

- I’m so sleepy. I think that wine got me knocked out. I can hardly stay awake.

He giggled. Then he kissed me.

- It was a very good wine, my dear. Not like back home but very good anyway. Now you have some rest. Or maybe don’t… even… bother… to…

I did not open my eyes. He started unbuttoning my shirt and kissing my body… slowly and tenderly, finding his way all over my naked skin, front and back.

I surrendered to him… completely, feeling the heat coming up and down my body, my mind absolutely disconnected from everything else but his gentle caresses and his warm kisses.

He found the spot behind my ear and rubbed his ginger beard up and down, kissing it provocatively, covering my skin with uncontrolled goose bumps. Then he whispered in my ear.

- Think about the proposal I made, will you?

- The answer is yes…

- You’re drunk.

I giggled.

- I am.

***