The Big Rocks (Part 1)

- What do you mean, big rocks?

- Itá, in Tupi-Guarani, means rock and gûasu, means big...

- Was it named by the Indians then?

- I'm not sure, but it makes sense. But my favourite thing about the place is the funny local legend.

- What legend?

- About the witches...

Her interest increased.

- Oh, tell me, please. I want to know everything about the legend.

- It is said that the witches of the island wanted to have a big party and they chose that beach because it was the most beautiful in the area. They invited all the fantastic beings...

- Who were those?

- The werewolves, the vampires, the headless mule and even the Curupira, Boitatá and all the other beings of the local folklore...

- Wow!

- But they did not invite the devil deliberately.

- Why?

- Because the devil smelled of sulphur, and because, in his arrogance of superiority, he always made the witches kiss his tail to show submission to him.

- Ugh! Disgusting!

- Yeah.

I laughed and continued. I loved that audience of one person only.

- When the party was at its best and everyone was enjoying themselves, guess who shows up, very angry, and thundering his disapproving resentment...?

- The devil?

- Exactly. He was very enraged indeed, and to punish the witches, for having left his majestic person aside, he cast a curse and turned them into rocks... big ones... that have been stuck there ever since. Those are the ones you still see today…

- Oh!

- That is why the place was named Itaguasu, or big rocks.

- That's not true, is it?

- It's a legend... It's mythology. Of course you believe what you want, but it's a funny and interesting story anyway.

I heard the sound of thunder. Apparently we would have rain that hot night.

With the flash of lightning, her eyes grew wide, half lost, as if she were imagining the story she had just heard in detail. I let her imagination run free.

Another lightning. That one fell closer, for the thunder was louder and the time between lightning and thunder very short. I remembered the science classes at school.

- Let’s go back in. The rain does not take long to fall.

- Yes. Let's go inside.

She hurried in, as if she were afraid. I laughed.

The thunder continued, and in a short time we had a summer storm, one of those powerful ones. I, to say the truth, liked the summer storms, for they cleaned the air and refreshed the earth.

Another lightning was followed by a very loud bang. That one fell very close to us and took the electricity of the whole street off. It had probably hit a utility pole, in the neighbourhood. It was not too early, so I decided I would go to bed, instead of waiting for the electrical energy to come back. Everything would be normal again in the morning after all, so I did not have reason to worry.

I fell asleep almost immediately as soon as I laid my head on the pillow. I did not think I was so tired.

I had a strange dream, about the big rocks on the beach. In my dream, one of the rocks had been struck by a powerful lightning and had opened in two halves. The rock was hollow and shaped like a person had been dug into it. I found that very peculiar. I was still examining the inside of the boulder when I heard someone behind me saying,

- I waited so long for this moment.

I turned around and saw a very thin woman, dressed in black, with her misaligned white hair half hidden by a black headscarf. I thought of one of those figures I had seen, as a child, of a mourner. Her skin was so wrinkled it looked like an old parchment.

- What moment?

- It wasn’t fair. It was not fair at all.

She repeated the sentence, not answering me, but squinted her dark eyes, as if to see me better. She lifted her skinny hand and touched my face. Her fingers were frighteningly cold.

- It was not fair at all. No, it was not.

She shook her head and turned away, walking down the beach in the opposite direction to my house. I could still hear her mutter that strange phrase as she walked away, absorbed in her own world and shaking her head in a disconsolate way, her body slightly bent forward.

- Not fair... not fair at all...

***

- I had a strange dream.

- Me too…

- It must have been that talk last night and the storm.

- Probably…

Her eyes seemed to wander away. She must be remembering her dream.

She picked up the mug with newly-brewed coffee and walked over to the porch, watching the beach from the distance. The water was placidly reflecting the blue sky above. She stared for a few minutes in one direction, as if she were watching closely what was happening. I walked over to her side and looked in the same direction.

A group of men, close to the place where the boulders were, seemed to be busy with something at the water's edge. They were standing in a circle, around what I thought was a dead animal, probably dragged by the sea to the beach after the storm last night.

- It must be some animal brought by the tide.

- Yes. But it's not what I'm looking at. Look a little farther ahead at the figure behind the other rock, as if hiding from the men.

- Where?

She pointed her finger at the area behind one of the immense boulders, the one that looked most like a human shape, with a head, formed by a round stone that lay on top of a larger one, which seemed to be the body. One of the so called Itaguasu witches.

- Over there!

Behind the big rock there was a person, half bent and dressed in dark clothes. The impression we had was that she was hiding from those men for some reason. What impressed me most was the resemblance to the character I had dreamed of the night before. But my surprise was still to become greater, from the moment I heard:

- She looks like the old woman I dreamed of last night...

- What?

How could it be possible that the two of us had dreamed of the same character in the same night?

- Seriously? I also dreamed of a woman like that...

- This is all very strange! Or, it's a big coincidence. Let's go down there!

- OK. Let's go!

***

- Something is not right.

- What?

- I don’t know. I feel such a painful sorrow...

- You still got the amulet?

- Yes, why?

- Throw it away. Throw it into the sea.

- But she said…

- It does not matter what she said. Throw it away. That's what's influencing you. It is the power of suggestion.

- We helped her and she gave it to me as a gift. I cannot do this.

- Then I will. It was a poisoned gift, that’s what it was. She filled your head with her bullshit.

I plucked the amulet from her hand and, going to the water's edge, I threw it out into the sea. From the strength I used, it would be practically impossible to rescue it if for some reason she wanted to. The waters of the bay were calm and the fact of throwing the object way beyond the zone where the waves formed, would make any search very difficult, if there were any. I went back inside, with an air of satisfaction stamped on my face.

- It wasn’t fair. It was not fair at all.

- What?

She looked at me very strangely, as if her mind was not really there. She shook her head disconsolately, looking through me, her body slightly bent forward.

- Not fair... not fair at all...

***

As Pedras Grandes (Parte 1)

- Como assim, pedras grandes?

- Itá, em Tupi-Guarani, significa pedra e gûasu, significa grande…

- Foram os índios que deram esse nome?

- Não sei ao certo, mas faz sentido. O mais engraçado é a lenda local.

- Que lenda?

- Das bruxas…

Seu interesse aumentou.

- Conta, vai. Quero saber a lenda.

- Diz que as bruxas da ilha queriam fazer uma grande festa e escolheram aquela praia por ser a mais linda da região. Convidaram todos os seres fantásticos…

- Quem eram estes?

- Os lobisomens, os vampiros, a mula sem cabeça e, até, o Curupira, Boitatá e todos os outros seres do folclore local…

- Uau!

- Mas não convidaram, de propósito, o diabo.

- Por quê?

- Porque o diabo cheirava mal, a enxofre e, porque, na sua arrogância de superioridade, o bicho sempre fazia as bruxas lhe beijarem o rabo, para demonstrar submissão a ele.

- Uff! Que nojo!

- Pois é.

Dei uma gargalhada e continuei. Eu adorava a plateia de uma pessoa só.

- Quando a festa estava em alta e todos se divertiam a valer, adivinha quem aparece, de surpresa e muito irritado, a trovejar sua ira desaprovadora…

- O diabo?

- Exatamente. Ele estava muito enfurecido mesmo e, para castigar as bruxas, por terem deixado de lado sua majestosa figura, lançou uma maldição e transformou-as em pedras… grandes… que ficaram presas ao local, desde então.

- Oh!

- Por isso, o nome do lugar é justamente este: Itaguaçu, ou pedras grandes.

- Isso não é verdade, é?

- É uma lenda… É mitologia. Claro que acredita quem quiser, mas é uma história engraçada e interessante.

Ouvi um trovão. Aparentemente teríamos chuva naquela noite quente.

Com o clarão dos raios, seus olhos ficaram meio arregalados, assim meio perdidos, como se estivesse a imaginar a história, em detalhes. Deixei que sua imaginação voasse solta.

Outro raio. Aquele caiu mais perto, pois o estrondo foi maior e o tempo, entre o raio e o trovão, muito curto. Lembrei das aulas de ciências, na escola.

- Vamos entrar. A chuva não tarda.

- Vamos.

Entrou com pressa, como se estivesse com medo. Eu ri.

Os trovões continuaram e em pouco tempo tivemos uma tempestade de verão, daquelas poderosas. Eu, para falar a verdade, gostava das tempestades de verão, pois elas limpavam o ar e refrescavam a terra.

Um clarão, mais forte que os anteriores, foi seguido de um estrondo muito forte. Aquele caiu muito próximo de nós e levou a energia eléctrica da rua inteira. Provavelmente havia atingido um poste, ali na redondeza. Já não era tão cedo, por isso decidi que iria para a cama, ao invés de esperar que a energia voltasse. Pela manhã, já estaria tudo normal.

Adormeci quase de imediato, assim que deitei a cabeça no travesseiro. Não pensava que estivesse com tamanho cansaço.

Tive um sonho estranho, com as pedras grandes da praia. No meu sonho, uma das pedras havia sido atingida por um raio e havia aberto ao meio. A rocha era oca e tinha o formato de uma pessoa escavado por dentro da mesma. Achei aquilo muito peculiar. Eu ainda examinava o interior da pedra, quando alguém, atrás de mim, disse:

- Esperei tanto tempo por este momento.

Eu virei-me e vi aquela mulher muito magrinha, vestida de negro, com os cabelos brancos desalinhadamente presos por um lenço de cabeça, também negro. Lembrava uma daquelas figuras eu havia visto, quando criança, de uma carpideira. A pele era tão enrugada, que parecia um pergaminho.

- Qual momento?

- Não foi justo. Não foi nada justo.

Ela repetiu a frase, sem me responder, mas apertou os olhinhos escuros, como para ver-me melhor. Ela levantou a esquelética mão e tocou-me a face. Seus dedos eram assustadoramente frios.

- Não foi nada justo. Não foi, não.

Ela balançou a cabeça e virando-se, começou a caminhar pela praia, na direção oposta à minha casa. Eu ainda a ouvia murmurar aquela frase estranha, enquanto ia-se embora, absorta em seu mundo próprio e a balançar a cabeça, de forma desconsolada, com o corpo levemente curvado para a frente.

- …Nada justo… nada justo…

***

- Tive um sonho estranho.

- Eu também…

- Deve ter sido por causa da conversa de ontem e da tempestade.

- Pois…

Seus olhos pareceram viajar. Devia estar a lembrar-se do sonho.

Pegou a caneca de café recém-passado e foi até a varanda, a observar a praia. Ficou por uns minutos a olhar numa única direcção, como se observasse, atentamente, algo que se passava. Eu fui até ao seu lado e olhei na mesma direcção.

Um grupo de homens, ao longe, parecia ocupado com algo na beira da água. Eles estavam de pé, formando um círculo, à volta daquilo que eu julguei ser um animal morto, provavelmente arrastado pelo mar até a praia, depois da tempestade da noite anterior.

- Deve ser algum animal, trazido pela maré.

- Pois. Mas não é para aquilo que eu estou a olhar. Olha mais adiante, um pouco, aquela figura atrás da outra rocha, como se estivesse a esconder-se dos homens.

- Onde?

Apontou o dedo para a área atrás de uma das grandes pedras, justamente aquela que tinha o formato mais humano, com uma cabeça, formada por uma pedra redonda, que jazia em cima daquela maior, que parecia constituir o corpo.

- Lá!

Por detrás da grande rocha, estava uma pessoa, meio encurvada e vestida com roupas escuras. A impressão que tinha era que estava a esconder-se dos homens, por algum motivo. O que tornava a figura mais estranha era a semelhança com a personagem com a qual sonhara na noite anterior. Mas minha surpresa ainda estava por tornar-se maior, a partir do momento em que ouvi:

- Parece com aquela velha que eu sonhei na noite passada…

- O quê?

Como seria possível que nós dois tivéssemos sonhado com a mesma personagem, na mesma noite?

- A sério? Eu também sonhei com uma figura assim…

- Isto é tudo muito estranho! Ou, então, é uma grande coincidência. Vamos até lá!

- Vamos!

***

- Algo não está certo.

- O quê?

- Não sei. Sinto uma tristeza tão grande…

- Ainda tens o amuleto?

- Sim. Por quê?

- Joga fora. Atira-o ao mar.

- Mas ela disse…

- Não interessa o que ela disse. Joga-o fora. É isso que te está a influenciar. É o poder da sugestão.

- Nós a ajudamos e ela deu-mo de presente. Não posso fazer isso.

- Então eu faço. Foi um presente envenenado, isso sim. Ela encheu tua cabeça de sandices.

Arranquei-lhe o amuleto da mão e, indo até a beira d’água, atirei-o mar adentro. Pela força que eu usei, ia ser praticamente impossível resgatá-lo, se por algum motivo quisesse. As águas da baía estavam calmas e o facto de atirar o objeto para além da zona de formação das ondas, iria dificultar qualquer busca, se houvesse, mais ainda. Voltei para dentro, com um ar de satisfação estampado no rosto.

- Não foi justo. Não foi nada justo…

- O quê?

Olhou-me de uma maneira muito estranha, como se uma possessão tivesse tomado conta de seu corpo. Balançou a cabeça de forma desconsolada, olhando através de mim, com o corpo levemente encurvado para a frente.

- Nada justo… nada justo…

***

Tattoo (Part 2 of 2)

- Mine is prettier.

- It is. No doubt it was a very beautiful choice.

- I’ve decided for a more modern design and I think I got it so right.

- Definitely yes. It’s very well done and with a beautiful colour effect... I wouldn’t have made a better choice.

He looked at the picture once again and kissed the etched dragon intentionally tattooed between the two dimples in the lower part of my back. My skin was warm and reacted when his lips touched that strategic point located at the base of my spine.

- I love your curves. These two dimples are so incredibly sexy... And now there is also this dragon so well made and meaningful...

I bent slightly up, as if submitting my body to more welcome displays of affection and he accepted the offer so eagerly, it triggered an almost involuntary and almost irreversible reaction. I could feel he did not want to worry about control over anything, anyway. He just lay down on top of me, kissing every part of my body. I felt so loved and so desired by him, my whole body opened for his caresses and for his so welcomed yearning.

- Uhm ... What was that?

No answer. He just kept on kissing me all over. I cringed as he rubbed his lips behind my ear, triggering waves of goose bumps running all over the extension of my skin. He giggled and took advantage of the discovery. It was his chance.

***

- We are marked forever.

- As if we were genuine soul mates...

- Ahaha! There you come, again, with that soul mate thing...

- We're matching souls and bodies, then.

- We're people who like to be with each other and our bodies know that. Isn’t that enough?

- "May it be eternal while it lasts"?

- Maybe that's more than enough...

I laughed, pretending I was happy with that, but my mind accepted things quite different from his. He always tried to keep his emotions under controlled loss of control. He used to say that nothing in life would be eternal and that having high expectations could lead to big disappointments. He did not want our "friendship", so to speak, to lead to anything other than the good things we already had.

I knew things could be more complicated than the simplification he tried to imply about the situation. I was not afraid of being romantic or giving myself in and letting myself go ahead, in the name of a feeling I would want to grow stronger. That was how I was. My head was always in the clouds, my body always ready, when we were together. I wanted that to last forever, although I knew it would end… eventually…

- Let go. Let go. Don’t hold back. Be entirely here with me… Give yourself in to this moment… Don’t be afraid…

I knew the risks involved. I knew the pleasures that relationship had brought to our lives... and I liked the whole thing... but I was not sure about him. He seemed to have his mind so far away sometimes… so untouchable. Maybe I was only being paranoid. Maybe I was right…

***

- Do you like it this way?

- I do, but move a little further up, please.

- On here?

- Yes. That’s it.

I examined him carefully, with opportunistic lascivious eyes, my cheeks flushed with desire, and hummed softly, next to his ear:

"You’re on my heart just like a tattoo"... (Jordin Sparks – Just Like a Tattoo)

I ran my fingers lightly over the drawing, which had been etched in pain on the left side of his waist. I kissed, not only there, but in several other parts of his body, as I used to do, when desire surpassed control.

Our tattoos were almost committed to each other. Two dragons so dissimilar, representing two very different meanings, printed on the skins of two very unalike people. But even so, they were two dragons: two creatures of the same species... or maybe not...

***

- Hug me.

- What happened?

- Shhh.

My body was warm, as if it were burning coal. He had no idea what was going on, so he just stood there, not saying a word, listening to my panting breath and feeling my heart pound against his chest. He sensed something was wrong, but he did not know what it was.

- Tell me what's going on.

- Shhh. Just stay like this, a little longer...

We stayed, what seemed like an endless time, in that tight embrace. When, at last, I released him, I said only in an almost desperate whisper:

- Make love with me… Don’t make love to me: make love with me!

He did not say anything, just let himself go... completely... like an inflatable boat, down the rapids, without oars and without rudder.

We made love as if madness had taken over us. Our bodies burned as if they were suffering from a high fever and we had our bloods running, like hot lava in our veins, ready to erupt at any moment. We sought to satisfy an insatiable thirst, while we drank from the same venom, or its antidote, mixed erratically in our mouths and pursued a comfort that did not exist. We let ourselves be taken by the insanity that made that moment unique and intense, in waves that came and went inside us, like the sea throwing itself on the sands of the beach, in that rhythmic, sometimes languid, sometimes energetic back and forth. We sailed in dark deep waters, like a boat without a helmsman, who ran the risk of wrecking the hull on the reefs and the sharp banks of multi-coloured corals.

He closed his eyes, trying to refrain the distress that was taking hold of him, and let out a scream, like an animal in the forest. His whole body convulsed, in repeated spasms. Then that feeling of abandonment and relaxation followed. Our bodies were inert for a few moments, overcome by fatigue.

We stayed in silence, listening to our breaths, which were slowly going back to their natural rhythm.

We lost track of time and fell into a deep sleep. I had a dream I would never tell him about. I was drowning in the dark chilly waters of doubt and I could not do anything to avoid it. I was choking and there was no one else around to give me a hand. I was so alone and cold…

When I woke up, he was still sleeping. That bed looked huge and cold despite the heat outside.

Something seemed out of place. There was a strange atmosphere and for a moment I felt sad. Anguish tortured my chest. That dream made me think of what was happening between the two of us.

My mouth was very dry. I needed fresh water. I got up and went into the kitchen. It was late at night, and there was a pleasant breeze coming through the open door onto the porch, so I went outside.

***

- Hey.

- Hey.

His voice was almost a whisper. I was about to scream in despair. I tried to stay calm. I thanked the night, for my face was hidden in its darkness.

- What are you doing?

- Thinking...

- Do I bother you?

- Of course not.

He came closer and kissed my back and neck, then rubbed his lips, very lightly, all the way down my back to stop at the tattoo, almost invisible in the shade. My skin shivered and I let my body curl toward him in a reaction of agreement. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

- I love your smell.

- Hmm...

- You're an addiction... I feel like I cannot live without you.

I turned to him, my face neatly hidden in the gloom.

- I'm going away.

- Are you? Why?

- It must be. You're right. This became a real addiction. I'm losing control.

- But that's good, isn’t it?

How I wished that was the whole truth about it, but I had to keep it simple.

- I don’t know. I'm suffocating. I cannot go on like this... I need space for myself... I have a lot to think about...

- I don’t understand…

- I do not even know if I understand, but... I must do something... and it has to be urgently... If I stay, I will make you unhappy...

- Unhappy? How come?

The answer was a lot more complicated than the question, so I stayed quiet. His idea of ​​happiness was so different from mine. He was happy with that situation and I needed more. I just wanted it to give me more peace of mind, more composure, more security. I had to leave before becoming sad and tired of trying to always be there for him and his physical desires.

I looked at him with a mixture of sadness and anticipation in my expression.

He was silent for a few minutes, not knowing how to react. I don’t think he knew what to think. His mind searched for reasons and reasons to justify that decision and could find none.

- I know I must respect your will. There's nothing I can do to change that, is there?

- I really must go.

- Okay then, but this is all very sad...

- We will have so many beautiful memories to keep, will not we?

- Many... We will always have our tattoos, vivid in our skins, to bring them to the memory every time.

- Well, dragons always come back in the spring...

- Do they?

- Uh-huh... With the first full moon...

- I've never thought of that.

He looked me in the eyes and saw my decision was made.  I could not smile, as my soul was torn in pieces. There was nothing else to be said. That was definitely goodbye.

***

I still keep my precious tattoo. It reminds me of great times with a wonderful man… who was never mine entirely. The pain I felt when the needle pierced my skin to imprint that wonderful dragon on my lower back was nothing compared to the sorrow I felt by the decision I’ve made to leave him, despite so many times regretting that...

Who knows how strong I can be and what decisions I still can make in the future, anyway…. Time can change everything… so many times…