Hyacinthus (Part 1)

The morning air was still very fresh, almost cold, in spite of being high summer season.

The man ran his both hands along his well-groomed blond hair, trying to hold it tamed against the wind which was blowing from the sea. Assuming he was alone, he stripped off his t-shirt, running shoes and shorts and then managed to tie his hair up on a bun at the top of his head. He crossed the white sands, walking confidently towards the fresh emerald-green waters and dove into the breaking waves…

It felt great and refreshing, after the sprint he had along the beach, as he normally did while staying at the summer house for as long as a full high season month.

Some minutes later he came off the sea and only then he noticed he was not actually alone, after all. He looked at where his clothes were left on and walked upon the fine sand to that direction.

He did not try to hide or cover his naked body. He simply grabbed his t-shirt and rubbed it on his upper body, intending to dry it out a bit and put his shorts back on. It was only then he finally spoke, while picking up his running shoes, ready to go back home.

***

“Demons are back, demons are back once again,

Fighting them off, I’m fighting them off once again,

It's hard for me, but I'm trying”… (Adam Evald; “That Day”)

- The story in this video clip is so sad.

- It is, but I like the song… very much…

- A mood song. I wonder what happened to them. Why did she leave?

- Do you really need to know? When it’s over, it’s over…

- But two beautiful people… popular culture tells us their lives must therefore be perfect.

- No life is perfect… sadly.

- But all advertising is based on the belief that it’s possible. And we fall for it.

- Do you still fall for those? It’s been a long time since I last believed in any perfect relationship.

- It does work!

He thought about it for as long as a full couple of seconds.

- It might work… for a time… maybe…

He got up and walked off the living room towards the balcony. The night was pleasant and quiet. He could hear the ocean roaring from the distance, invitingly, so he decided to go for a walk. He needed to think, get some fresh air, and let himself go with the summer night and the sea breeze… in his own inner and private world.

***

- Don’t you see it doesn’t work like that? It’s not only my will that counts in this situation. I cannot hurt people who got nothing to do with this situation for my own sake.

- You will have to, eventually.

- I hope not.

- What will you do, then? What do you want to do?

- I don’t know. I’ve tried to come to an end and all I could see was a dead end.

- You’ll have to find a way. Or else you’ll go crazy.

- Don’t push me.

- It’s my job to push you out of this comfort zone. You’re getting too used to pain and guilt… and sadness… besides those escape moments once a week or so…

- It’s easy for you to say it, when you’ve got so much less to lose.

He smiled. He knew what the man was talking about and he knew it was not as easy as he was pushing him into, but that was what he could do to help.

- We need to go. I have another patient waiting already.

The therapy session was over. The man felt almost relieved. Sometimes those meetings were very stressful as they pulled some strings really hard.

When he walked off the analyst office he felt tired… and sad… There were lots of things to think over until their next appointment.

***

Jealousy is a very dangerous thing. It can blur one’s discernment. And sometimes it can lead to things one might do without thinking… risky and hot-headed acts.

- Zephyr?

- Yes. He is the one. I know him.

- That’s a horrible name! Who still name their offspring like that?

He laughed. They were playing throwing the discus on the field by the bigger lake at the city park. There were a couple of swans swimming in the calm waters close by and that felt like they were in a world all of their own.

He saw the man coming towards where they were. There was a strange smile on his face, as if he was coming with some intention.

For some strange and mystifying reason, as soon as the man got closer, an unexpected wind started blowing and the swans got uneasy and noisy, spreading their wings and craning their long necks ahead. 

- Zephyr, you said, uh?

- Yeah, right!

The two friends approached the newcomer and greeted him. The man smiled and leaning forward, grabbed the discus from the ground and handed it in to the blond man.

- Mind if I join in the game?

- Not at all. Be welcome.

- (That smile again… What does it mean?)

***

- What do you mean by “back”?

- Back… like here and again.

- I thought that was over.

- Me too, but it seems it’s not.

- Are you sure about it?

- Pretty sure, yes.

- What will you do, then?

- I don’t know yet… but I must do something… and quick!

- You better!

- I know. It’s not the perfect timing… and I thought that was… I mean, there are so many things still to sort out and now this!

- Be brave! You’ll need more than that to face it!

- I know…

For some reason his mind went back in time, when it all started…

- Oh! God!

***