domingo, 9 de março de 2014

Ζει με τις αναμνήσεις μου (Zei me tis anamní̱seis mou) - Living with my memories (P.2)





The briny and fresh air blew against my face and body while I ran closer to the man lying motionlessly on the cold beach sand. I knew I had to do something quickly, so my first reaction was to kneel by him and immediately start blowing into his mouth, with my lips pressed against his every couple of seconds, in a desperate attempt to bring him back to life. My heart was beating so fast and so loud I thought it was going to explode. I was not only scared; I was in such a real panic I did not notice he was already breathing in the middle of the procedure. He gasped lightly and slowly opened his eyes with a funny expression stamped on his face.

Instead of relief, I felt a strong impulse to beat him again for the fright he gave me, but I was still too apprehensive to do so. It was I who caused his pain and his passing out, anyway. I could still clearly hear the strong thumping of my heart pumping blood inside the veins in my head and mixing all my thoughts up. 

My face was so near, it was almost touching his and my mouth was so close to his I could feel his still uneasy breath warming my lips up. He did not push me away from him however. He just looked deep into my eyes. His pupils widened immensely almost covering the whole surface of his hazel iris. I felt a strangely uncontrollable longing growing deep inside of me.

I knew I would not find another better opportunity in a million years, so I moved on and kissed him affectionately. He did not make any effort to avoid it, to my surprise and, maybe, to his own. I held his body against mine and felt his arms clutching strongly around my back. For endless seconds I thought I would never let him go off of my clasp. The tension on his body was evident but no words were exchanged, not even when we finally relaxed the grasp from each other.

He made an effort to stand up and I helped him.  We walked silently to his home, which was the nearest private place there was to where we were. When we got into the small entrance hall, he let me in, turned around, closed the front door and stopped, with his hand still holding the cold knob, as if thinking about what had just happened.

My fear of losing him and my courage to move forward seemed to hold hands together, pushing me ahead and making me hold him from behind, with my arms wrapped around his body and my hands crossed on his chest. I smelled his scented hair and kissed the skin on the back of his neck, feeling the sweet perfume still fragrant on his body. He lifted his head, with his eyes shut down. I turned his face to mine and pressed my lips against his. He responded with a sweet kiss and we started fondling each other, while slowly unbuttoning one another’s clothes. He grabbed my hand snugly and led me to the bedroom. I followed him blindly without saying a single word.

(Well, not exactly or truly blindly, as my eyes were fixed on his wonderful lower back, for all that mattered…)

He did not turn the lights of the chamber on, however. He just stopped and held me in a tight embrace. I pushed our bodies onto the bed, still holding each other as if there was no future for us and that only that sweet moment really mattered. The present was then and there… intensely and as long as it could last… and as such ought to be seized… by then and there.

The dim light coming in from the hall was enough to endow me with sufficient luminosity to discretely appreciate his slim silhouette. He was, definitely, perfect to my eyes. His were the most wonderful pair of cheeks I have ever seen in a man before and, as I noticed immediately afterwards, his buttocks were covered with an almost invisible light brown fuzz which, for some reason, reminded me of a ripe peach. I felt the unexpected urge to bite them, but instead, kissed the soft, downy, pale and silky skin.

He moaned slightly and laughed at me. Then he turned around and I could not help but notice the evidence of the enjoyment he was having with my caressing attention. He was an untamed beast; a real stallion at his best.

I was so mesmerized I played with every inch of his fit body for long lasting delightful hours. He accepted all that attention with the appreciation of a gentleman and shared his gratitude by giving me all the consideration I had never had from a lover before. His body was a whole amusement park to me, where I played every ride with full enjoyment. Pleasure meant a new thing to me after that night... and it had a name... and also a surname.

- What have you done to me? I think you have poisoned me.

His face was concealed by the darkness in the bedroom, but I was sure he was smiling at me. I responded with a mix of delighted joy with a pinch of resentment.

- You, crazy man... you, fool. Why have you had me waiting for so long? We could have been enjoying ourselves for such a long time by now. So much time have been wasted...

He sealed my lips with a kiss. He must have dripped some kind of powerful poison in my mouth too - or was it a spell he cast on me? - for my thoughts got confusing and I felt a bit dizzy... I could not think clearly anymore while under his spell. I did not know how dangerous that situation was... until it was too late to go back...

- Forget about the past and the nonsense about wasted time. Life is here and now. Enjoy the moment.

- You're right. It's here and now. I know it is all about my insecurities and fears. I wanted to hate you for what you have done to me... to us... but I can´t... At least not after all that happened tonight.

The computer was playing a sequence of Modern Greek music. He was always listening to unusual music to my knowledge anyway. He hummed some strange sounding words. I asked what those lines meant and he sang, smiling:

- Μη μου λες να ζω μαναμνήσεις            (Mi̱ mou les na zo̱ me anamní̱seis
   δεν το αντέχω                                             Den to antécho̱
   Μου κρατάς τον κόσμο στα χέρια          Mou kratás ton kósmo sta chéria
   άστον να πέσει κι ας χαθώ (*)                As ton na pései ki as chathó̱) (*)

- But what does that mean, anyway?

He lowered the voice and then said:

- A free translation could be:  
  Do not tell me now to live with memories
  I cannot stand it
  You're holding my world in your hands
  So let me fall and let me go...

I looked at him. He was staring at me with a very serious and straight expression on his face, as if he was going to tell me some bad news...

***

The sliding doors opened and closed repeatedly and I did not see any signal of the dearly known face. My heart was heavily apprehensive and the seconds weighed on me like long dull hours. In my thoughts I wondered if he would still look the same after so many years.

‘Oh, God! You know how hard I tried to keep him away from my mind and my thoughts...and erase him forever from my memories’...

The doors opened again and again and again... then all the lighting suddenly disappeared in front of my eyes. It seemed to me he was the only human being walking out of the private area, with a large grin decorating his handsome face. His smile was still so attractively manly and good-looking, I had the impression he was the only light shimmering in that immense airport hall. It seemed to me I had completely forgotten how much that grin used to melt my fears away. Then I realized the reminiscences were all coming back to my mind and I wasn't able to discern what to think anymore. I had been poisoned once and could never recover. How I wished I was free from his enchantment after so long and act naturally, but alas... that was impossible...

We were separated only by the security line. He waved at me. I smiled back and made a sign with my head to have him meeting me at the end of that line. He followed from the other side. When we were finally face to face, I greeted him with my hand for a handshake… or so I tried...

He pulled me against him and gave me his whole body instead, in an embrace that made my entire body shake. With his face touching mine, he whispered in my ears.

- I missed you so much... so very much...

I had my eyes filled with uncontrolled tears and responded to his ears, still holding him firmly in my embrace:

- “Do not tell me (...) to live with memories” only.... ever again...you fool...


*** 


*From Giorgos Mazonakis - Μη μου λες να ζω μαναμνήσεις (Mi Mou Les Na Zw Me Anamniseis)

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