Mostrar mensagens com a etiqueta blurry memories. Mostrar todas as mensagens
Mostrar mensagens com a etiqueta blurry memories. Mostrar todas as mensagens

domingo, 12 de julho de 2015

Of Sea and Men (Part 1)


The man was standing by the window holding a mug of a hot and strong black coffee in his hard, thick hands, watching the annoying cold drizzle falling down over the island. The weather had been like that for various days... It had not changed for far too many days, in fact. He thought his work could not be left aside for any longer. It was a matter of survival… Simple like that…

He put his winter coat on, although it was still early autumn, finished his coffee and came out to face the early morning chilly air. The wind and rain hit his worn out aged skin with fierceness, making him walk a bit hunched and with his head turned slightly down. He headed to the waterfront toward the small pier. He knew he had to face the sea. His subsistence depended only on that work and he knew very well that kind of life was not easy at all.

He did not curse either the weather or the rain, however. He did not complain at all. He was used to that routine and to the solitude and simplicity of his seemingly uncomplicated but very hard life. Yet, he had no real reason to complain whatsoever... and was not used to do so... not anymore…

The old boat, his every day companion, swayed up and down in the small pier, as if being rocked by the invisible hands of the waves. He sighed and walked resolutely along the corridor of heavy, tattered dark wood. He looked at the other boats, all firmly tied to the dock, straightened the jacket hood around his head and jumped into his boat.

His old fellow squeaked when he stepped onto the deck, as if welcoming him with a good morning greeting. A few minutes later, the noise of the hoary diesel engine was nothing more than just a murmur fading away into the distance, while the silhouette of the small fishing boat disappeared in the morning mist and rain, lonesome and incognito, like his stiff owner.

***

One night, about a week later, the weather changed... for worse.

The storm hit the island sturdily and mercilessly. The sound of thunder, that followed the lightning, streaking the pitch-black sky, was similar to the ruthless hammering of drum sticks against the head of the timpani of an orchestra, playing a crazed symphony. He smiled while he watched the sky light up every then and again as if they were fireworks. He was fond of those thunderstorms and knew they were, almost always, a sign of weather change.

The following morning, although still cloudy, the meteorological conditions were visibly better. He left his home very early, as usual, to collect the fishing net, which was placed in the middle of the sea. Instead of walking down the paved sidewalk to get to the pier, he decided to walk along the beach.

The water's edge was covered with a laced blanket of dead seaweed, spread all over the white wet sand, as it was common after the heavy storms.

He enjoyed walking along the beach, which was, for him, both a physical and a mental exercise. He liked the soft, clean sand; the iodized smell of the sea; the sound of the waves, going back-and-forth continuously; the waters trying to wet his feet every time he seemed to be distracted by his thoughts; the sight of the seagulls entertaining themselves with their whiten flight against the blue-grey sky and with their dramatic dives into the emerald-green ocean...

At that hour in the morning, while the village was still asleep, away from the ordinary day-to-day noises, out of the sight of passers-by, when the murmur of the sea mixed with the harrowing cries of the sea birds, he felt as if he were part of that peaceful landscape.

A gust of wind made him shiver slightly and straighten the coat around his body. He pondered if the winter would be cold. The fall had just begun and he was already feeling the effects of the cold and humidity, disturbing the more sensitive nerves.

But he relished the cold weather and the wind. He liked the sea and the loneliness of his profession. Sometimes he had the impression he was losing the ability to communicate and to state the truth, it really mattered very little to him. He was now a man of the sea, not a lecturer. Nor was he, either, a man of many words.

In fact, at that stage of his life, he would rather prefer the animals to men. Those were much more true and pure, without hidden intentions behind their actions. Their instincts and affections were direct and without false pretences. They were transparent, as he had been once... a long time before...

The wind blew against him, as if embracing his no longer so young body, but still tough enough. He knew he still had enough strength and would probably live long, but he did not miss the past times. From what he could remember, they were times that deserved neither any missing nor his memories to be relived anyway.

He could not remember whether he had been happy... Maybe he deceptively thought he was, for a very brief period of his life; the same life that used to play its sadistic games with him, over and over again... 

He tried to keep those recollections away from his mind, as long as he could, but they insisted on recurring as vivid as recycled films, loaded with mixed emotions, which insisted on remaining alive in his memory. Those occasions had already brought their loads of pain, leaving their deep scars, which were constantly touched, relentlessly cherished, but never erased.

He quickened his pace. He could not let the past anguish interfere with his dull present. He shook his head as if trying to get rid of those inconvenient thoughts and covered it with the hood of the worn old jacket. He knew he had to fetch the fishing net up...

His thoughts were interrupted by a somewhat unexpected movement, just a few meters ahead. A group of seabirds seemed entertained in uproar, with something that stood out in the middle of a pile of deep green and red-brown seaweed. At first he thought to be a dead animal or just the remains of fishes, which would not be surprising, but as he approached, he saw it was something much bigger than just food for marine birds. He hastened to ward the gulls off, who insisted in staying close by, like curious passers-by witnessing an unfortunate accident.

A very pale body lay on the sandy beach, motionless and partially covered by the coloured seaweed. The sea lapped at his feet and legs, insistently. The fisherman knelt down to examine the body. He turned it over, in order to see if the man could be recognized whatsoever.

He expected to see the whole face destroyed by the fish or crabs and birds, but instead it was in perfect conditions as well as the rest of the body. Touching the skin, he did not feel the 'rigor mortis', nor the temperature of a corpse. On the contrary, the temperature was only slightly below normal, which could be expected from a person who had been exposed to the cold temperatures of the wind and the sea waters, in a state of complete nudity. He bent closer to the face, to try and perceive whether the unconscious man was still breathing or detect, somehow, a minimally visible movement in his body.

The young man’s weak breathing was hardly noticed. His chest moved slightly so to allow some air flow into the feeble lungs. The man was surely alive, although totally blacked out.

He covered the frail cold body with his coat, lifted him in his arms and took him away. The collection of the fishing net had to wait a little longer.

***

The island had only a small village, which had a single Medical Centre, visited by a doctor once a week. The nearest hospital, more than three hundred kilometres away, was located in the continent. There was an infirmary with basic medicines and first aid material, controlled by a moody but good-hearted matron, a retired nurse herself. By knowing that the doctor would come the very next day, he took the boy to his house.

He lived almost alone, except for a fat grey and white tabby cat, who kept him good company. He had time to look at the patient until at least the doctor would examine him, a few hours later, when he arrived with the early morning ferry.

At home, he washed the body of the unconscious young man and looked for signs of injury. There was a fairly large laceration on the back of his head that, although no longer bleeding, should have shed enough blood when cut. Either he had been the victim of an assault or an unfortunate accident. For what reason he was naked, it was still a mystery. He reached for a sweatshirt and a pair of pants from the dark timber wardrobe, dressed his guest and covered him with a blanket and a quilt.  Going back to close the doors of the closet, his eyes were drawn by an old leather suitcase, left on purpose, behind the heavier and longer coats. He reached the buckskin bag and pulled it out.

The heart of the young man was beating normally, but his blood pressure was very low still. It was a long time since he last used his old medical instruments. He sutured the cut and put a bandage on the boy's head in order to protect and keep it closed, at least until he would be examined by the doctor the next morning. His hands had no longer the dexterity of before and the calluses and change to the skin texture did not help much the task but he worked like a true professional of health.

The boy needed to be hydrated. He had to find a way to get some fluid and minister immediately into his veins. Just thinking about having to go to the clinic, he felt a discomfort in the stomach. But he could not think of himself... not then, anyway...

***

The following day, with the presence of the physician, he felt a lot more comfortable. He had not had much difficulty in getting the liquid and the matron herself offered to go to his house, in order to insert the intravenous hydration fluid line. It was more out of curiosity than of efficiency, but he accepted the offer, so he would not have to give many explanations.

Besides the wound, which had already been cared for, there was nothing much to do, but to continue hydrating and hope that the body would react. There was a danger of a concussion, so the doctor decided he should move the boy to the hospital on the mainland. He needed someone to take responsibility over the young man, in case he woke up. And the police had to be reported urgently...

***

He did not feel at ease in the city. Less still in a hospital. The police had been called and initiated a thorough investigation. They found nothing in the missing people list. They checked his fingerprints and tried face recognition but failed to reach anything that could lead to the identity of the young man in the dark state of coma. They sent a picture taken of him to several police stations in the country, to try, through the distribution of it, find out who the injured man was. He had no criminal records either. The identity of the boy was completely unknown.

***

- His vital signs are normal, but something prevents him from waking up... We ought to be patient...

A week had slowly passed without major changes in the clinical state. Even though his physical condition had improved, the boy had not awakened from the coma. The older man then decided to return to the island. He told the doctor and the hospital staff that he would go to the hostel where he was staying and the next morning he would take the boat back to his fisherman's life. From then on, the case was only under the police’s responsibility.

Before leaving, however, he decided to go once again in the room, to "say goodbye" to the one who stirred his dull life routine for a few days, but who he did not even know who was, in the end.

The boy still lay unconscious, very pale and serene, as if only sleeping. His health condition was stable but still cataleptic. The fisherman came closer to the bedside and touched the other man’s hand, with a tender fatherly affection.

- Our lives separate here, my boy. Too bad we did not have the chance to be introduced to each other. I would like to have heard your interesting life story.

The boy seemed to only sleep soundly. The fisherman turned around and left the room. As he passed the reception, he greeted the nurse and said goodbye.

When he was crossing the threshold of the exit door, he heard an alarm bell rang.

In a few seconds, the place was like being on fire, like a beehive that had been hit by a hard stick. There was such a great uproar within the premises that he did not know if he should run away or hide himself until the chaos was over. The nurse told him, amid a flurry he did not realize at first:

- You'd better not go just yet… The alarm ringing comes from the room you just left.

He stopped incredulous and turned around, hurrying his pace to get back to the room, along with the noisy hospital staff.

***

domingo, 25 de janeiro de 2015

Demon (Part 3 of 3)



I spent the day thinking about the possible meaning of that little message. My concentration got fuzzy from time to time and I could only have some flashes of memory about the previous night. Fortunately the daily tasks at work were enough to keep me busy without stopping me, however, of thinking from time to time on what could have happened.

I tried to organize, methodically, the little information that was hidden in my mind, as if trying to confuse me even more. I decided I had to make a careful trip in my memory and take some notes, so to organize the facts, but I ended up forgetting that I had taken that decision.

On my way home, I stopped at the take-away at the corner and bought myself some food. I did not want to cook. Moreover, I so much needed a good rest.

I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed the dark circles that surrounded my eyes. They seemed deeper than usual. Perhaps the exhaustion had caused me more than a simple change in my physical appearance. I thought it would be best to lie down and try to get some sleep, hoping maybe a good sleep would improve my memory and my appearance.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I had to try to remember how it all started. I fell asleep before even thinking of anything else.

***

I took the wrong direction, when turning around the corner in one of the corridors of the University campus. It was a mistake I used to make, so I decided to continue through the back corridors to get somewhere anyhow. My sense of direction had always been very poor. Apparently, my ability to choose lovers, too. I met many people: students, professors and general staff personnel, who did not pay much attention to me, because they were too busy with their own problems. I passed over the library and the bar, then took the direction of the restrooms, climbing a flight of few steps and going through a dark iron gate. I could only find the changing rooms with showers and went back to the hall, to try and find the loo. I went back down the same stairs and took a left and then a right exit. There was an entrance to a clearing, leading to the shady woods.

An old woman walked to me. She had dishevelled hair and walked half bent. She offered me something that I refused, but she laughed and told me that I should accept it. Then she gave me a small gift, placing it carefully in the palm of my hand.  I saw that there were some roots of very old trees, hanging down from the dark walls behind her. The sunlight came through a slot on the left, falling on her head, making her hair look whiter and her teeth darker. A worn and almost colourless woollen shawl, was wrapped around her shoulders. 

The woman smiled. She was not scary, in spite of that strange aspect she had. When she explained the reason of wanting to give me the little artefact, I felt a kind of relief.

- It is for protection. So you will never need to fear no evil. it will be useful... soon...

I thanked the woman, put the small gift in my coat pocket and left. She kept on watching me until I disappeared through one of the passageways that led me back to the classrooms. I completely forgot I needed to go to the bathroom. An insistent bell ringing in the distance caught my attention when I walked over a less sunny area in the complex of buildings of the university. 

I looked back to see if I was safe. Something in my subconscious was telling me to be careful. I put my hand in my pocket and realized I had not examined the small object with the attention I should.

The bell rang again, that time closer to me. When I turned around, I bumped into a person coming out of one of the rooms. If it was not for the arms that held me firmly, I would have crashed against his body with some violence, but the man had a quick reaction. Those green eyes then were fixed on mine and I felt a kind of unsettling dizziness. I was face to face with a man whose eyes disturbed me more than I expected. He grinned. The bell rang again. He released my arms and I felt I completely lost my balance and started to fall...

The sensation of falling, for a time longer than the expected caused me a strange discomfort in the stomach. I thought I was fainting. I tried to prevent myself from falling, using my hands, but could not. I felt my vision darken suddenly.

***

I screamed. I jumped out of the bed, in a state of complete distress, trying to protect me from the inevitable. I cursed the darkness when I realized what was happening.

- Damn! It was only a dream!

My body was sweaty and sore. The palm of my hand was sore too, probably because of the pressure of my own nails. My head was still uneasy. The alarm went on and on. I recognized that as the sound of the damn bell in my dream...

Then, as if a door had been opened, I remembered...

***

When we got to the hotel, my sobriety was still fully active. We stayed in silence almost all the time, roughly looking at each other in the elevator that looked too big for the two of us. I remember we called the reception and ordered a bottle of wine, as soon as we got in the room.

The phone rang then, and I found that sound rather unusual, but interesting at the same time. He told me it was his favourite song and sang some verses of it.


Если хочешь идти, иди; если хочешь забыть, забудь

  Только знай, что в конце пути никогда уже не вернуть”…


(Yesli khochesh' idti, idi; yesli khochesh' zabyt', zabud'

Tol'ko znay, chto v kontse puti nikogda uzhe ne vernut...')*

He switched it off without answering it and turned all his attention to me. One thing that caused me a good impression about him, from the beginning, was that when he paid his attention, he definitely did it fully and completely. His green eyes scrutinize me from head to toe, before he touched me, making me feel as if he was undressing both my body and my soul... and it was a very strange feeling, I must confess, though not exactly uncomfortable. No one had ever been as considerate to me as he was at that moment in time.

The wine, which was delivered by the room service, was delicately dry and aromatically palatable. It quickly rose to my head, because I had an empty stomach. I could not even remember the last time I had had some meal that day. I've always had been very aware of how to control the level of alcohol in my blood, so I felt I should go easy on the booze. He noticed it and slowed down too, politely. Being drunk would definitely spoil the purpose of that meeting and we knew it.

***

My phone rang, making my concentration dissipate instantly and immediately. I got carried away by those memories and forgot completely I had a meeting at work very early in the morning.  I was already late and people got worried because I had never been late for a meeting before. I had to run. At least, things were getting clearer, though not completely... yet... in my memory...

***

The meeting went on smoothly, in spite of my delay, for which I had to apologize a million times, feeling guilty for my lack of responsibility to the commitments assumed. I must have shown a very sickly face, because it was soon pushed aside and the meeting continued to its end without further mishaps.

Early in the afternoon, when I left for lunch and needed my wallet, I came again across the little message, written with the strange and familiar handwriting, that had me intrigued so much. I had to unveil that madness, for once and for all, before I lost my already unsettled mind.

Blessed internet that offers us possibilities to research everything and to translate what we do not know, even being in a completely unknown idiom. I found a language tool and tried to reproduce the Cyrillic characters the best I could, with the ones that closer resembled those written in the little message laying on my desk. I changed it to another research tool and found out, after a few attempts, that it was part of a song, which had been very successful a few years before. Then I translated the short message, recognizing it, immediately. My curiosity sometimes goes to extremes.

The words danced in front of my eyes and then the pieces fell into their right places in my head.

"Если хочешь идти, иди; если забыть хочешь, забудь
  Только знай, что в конце пути никогда уже не вернуть... "*

("If you want go, go; if you want to forget, forget
  But be aware that, at the end of the road, there is no turning back... ")

***

When he undressed me the other night, the lights in the hotel room were still on. I let him explore my body, with the same attention he had shown in the car, a few minutes before. He was an expert and I gave myself in, without fear, to his touch.

He was still wearing a white cotton tank top, quite tight to his athletic body, while we were in the preliminaries. I lifted the garment and started exploring his pale torso, which was not excessively toned, but it was beautiful nonetheless. He turned the main light off and left only one of the lamps lit by the bedside. In the dim light, I stripped him of the last piece of clothing and kissed him in the chest, neck and mouth. My hands caressed his back and I had the feeling of having touched something I did not expect.

I ran my fingers, very gently, on what seemed to me to be two scars. I felt his muscles tensed. I turned his body to the side so I could see better. He tried to stop me from exploring that, using some tricks, but I insisted, forcing him to turn around and he finally gave up.

There were two scars, maybe the size of a hand, one on each side of his back, just below the shoulder height. From each of them, very detailed wings were tattooed.

The seriousness with which I looked at them, in the poorly lit room, made him react immediately.

- I did not want you to panic when seeing them...

- Should I be afraid?

- No. Do not be. This is now part of my past only....  Do not ask anything else, please...

He turned out the light and held me, kissing me with a passion that seemed to border some despair. I let myself go for it, this time, completely.

Inside, I had the feeling that a fire ignited and burned all my body up, for all time, that very night... until I fell asleep in complete exhaustion.

I had the vague impression to have seen him leaving the room, still the middle of the night, but I was not really sure.

"Если хочешь идти, иди; если забыть хочешь, забудь...
  (If you want to go, go; if you want to forget, forget)... *

***

After remembering and understanding what had happened, I tried to contact him by telephone, for days, but without success. I always ended up in the message box, but I hung up without saying anything. I did not want to leave him messages. I wanted to talk to him; to hear his voice. Maybe he was trying to avoid me or needed some time and space. Maybe I had crossed the barrier of curiosity, when I insisted on seeing the scars on his back... I would never know...

In his absence, missing him and thinking a lot about him, many times a day, I heard that song over and over and over again, feeling extremely touched every time I heard those chords.

That young demon, with pale skin and light eyes, had led me to temptation and won not only my body but also my soul, which then began to burn with passion for him. I had not much that was mine, really... besides the soul that was corrupted by some deadly sins and uncontrolled weakness...

In essence, he was not really a demon: he was just a fallen angel, devoid of his wings, but not disallowed from flying. And I must confess that I missed him... I missed him a lot, to be honest...

***

He'd gone over a week since we had our last meeting. I had received no sign of him since then whatsoever. With a little sadness filling my heart, I decided to give up trying to re-contact him.

On Friday night I was reading in the bedroom, when the doorbell rang.

- Who can it be, this time of the night?

I got up almost automatically and without thinking and walked to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw that there was a man standing, with his bald head slightly lowered. I opened the door and came across my fallen angel standing in front of me.

- It was not easy to find this address...

I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I simply pulled him inside and closed the door. He hugged me, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks and a funny smile.

- Why this smile and this blush?

- I've missed you...

- Oh, have you?

He smiled again, awkwardly. I laughed at the way he looked and acted like a shy boy, perhaps by pretending, perhaps by charm, or even feeling really gauche. I pressed his body against mine, with extreme tenderness. I whispered my mind and heart:

- You have no idea how much I missed you too...

He held me tighter, then ran his hand on my neck and kissed me. His fingers played with the metallic texture hanging around my neck.

- What is this?

He was referring to the hanging pendant on a silver chain, which was not there the first time we were together. The strange little silver cross, which I had found on the bedside table, remarkably, was the same the old woman had given me in the dream and I had no idea how it ended up in my room.

I had a delicate and very fine silver chain, which had been given to me, as a child, by my mother and that I kept in a box, with great care, in a drawer. I decided to use it to match with the small talisman. I did not want to reveal the true meaning of wearing a Russian Orthodox cross, hanging around my neck, so I lied both by fear and to make sure I was in no danger, being with him. I felt I should protect myself, anyway, for good or for bad.

- I think it is beautiful. It is silver.

- Yes, it's beautiful...very beautiful...

He touched the little artefact and kissed me again. I breathed relieved, being sure, then, that my apprehension was totally unfounded.

- I missed  you so much. I think I fell in love with you.

- You think? But you should not fall in love so inadvertently with a complete stranger...

- Among what I should, what I want, what I feel and what I like, there is a distance of many thousand kilometres ...

- I thought a lot before coming after you. I tried to avoid it. I also fought my own demons and insecurities, but I realized that one cannot avoid the inevitable.

- Well... If it is inevitable...

In my mind, a song repeated, endlessly, the refrain that had confused my head for days and that seemed to make much sense at that moment.

No, I neither wanted to go nor did I ever want to forget... anything... again...

"Если хочешь идти, иди; если забыть хочешь, забудь
   Только знай, что в конце пути никогда уже не вернуть ...”

("If you want to go, go; if you want to forget, forget it;
 Just know that, at the end of the road, there is no turning back... ") *


***
* From:  Филипп Киркоров - Снег 
                (Phillip Kirkorov - Sneg)

sábado, 10 de janeiro de 2015

Demon (Part 2 of 3)


- Are you afraid?

- I am.

- Of what? Of me?

- I will not answer that. It's not very fair...

He looked at me with an almost irresistible pleading expression. I felt I had to tell him what was going on in my mind...

- Sometimes I'm afraid of my own demons ... I must not be doomed for that, however, must I?

- There’s no need for fear. Relax and let yourself go. I have no intention of causing you any harm.

- I wish it was that easy...

He chuckled. It was not sarcasm, however. It seemed to be more for complacency than anything else. Maybe he wanted me to feel more comfortable anyway. I knew, however, how hard it was to make myself at ease.

- Close your eyes.

- No way...

- Do not be afraid. I will not hurt you. I just want you to relax a bit. Come on.

I obeyed, in spite of the apprehension I felt. He touched my face, very lightly. I opened my eyes. He touched my eyelids very softly and made me close them again.

- Shh... Calm down. Do not think of anything bad. I will not do anything you do not want.

(‘That was the problem. What if I wanted it all? What if I wanted nothing at all? What if I lose control? Oh, God!’)

He touched my cheeks, then rubbed his warm fingertips on my earlobes, up my neck, and with the fingers through my hair, he slowly massaged my scalp. Then he pulled my head a little backwards. I felt the heat of his soft lips on my forehead, my eyes, my face and finally on the corner of my mouth, brushing my lips, very lightly. I moaned. He kissed me very softly, almost not touching my lips, which moved to respond to his touch.

- Shh... just let me kiss you.. Do not do anything... yet...

His voice was a whisper and I hardly discerned the words, but understood the intention behind them. He kissed my chin, neck and chest, then unbuttoned my shirt and pulled the fabric slightly to the side. Goose bumps covered all the extension of my skin. He sought one of the most sensitive parts of my body, which was already waiting for the heat of his mouth and, not surprisingly, the tip of his tongue. He played there for a short while. He then opened a few more buttons and kissed me a bit further down, turned a little in the exploration and kissed me above and below the navel, moving down slowly, rubbing my skin with his soft beard and causing me some strange sensations. Every inch of my body was on alert, waiting for him to come further down, but instead, he started do come up, kissing me through an imaginary line drawn to the centre of my body, all the way up to my mouth, in what seemed to me a time lag so hard to know whether it had been too long or too short.

His mouth was warm and his extremely soft lips were pressing onto mine and, that time, allowing me to respond to their tepid contact. He did not force more than that superficial touch and then he moved his mouth up to my ear, whispering the words I already knew I was going to hear.

- Are you still afraid?

- I am...

He embraced me tenderly, allowing me to feel the warmth of his body and waited until I wrapped my arms around his body and relaxed. He then spoke again, very kindly.

- Do not be...

He looked me in the eyes as his hands buttoned back the shirt he had opened a few minutes before. He kissed my eyes and then my hands.

- Shall we go?

- Yes, please.

He turned the engine on and drove in silence along the seaside avenue. The ocean was like a huge black cloak, shouting at me in a language I did not understand, words I could not tell whether they were of alertness or of incentive. My mind was a complete mess, in a whirlwind of feelings, doubts and questions. He said no more than a few words all the way. Me neither.

When he left the avenue and took the direction of a region that was not where we started, initially, I did not question anything, did not make any comment, nor protested whatsoever. I pressed my hands against each other in a kind of discomfort and looked out.

He put his hand over mine and smiled, saying nothing. I tried to smile. Fortunately there was just a little light in the car except when we passed by the street lighting, which would gradually and constantly, give flashes of the strange faint expression, still stamped on my face.

***

A ray of sunlight coming in through a gap between the drapes hit hard my face and eyes. I tried to concentrate on what was around me. My head was spinning and I was not really sure where I was. Although my head hurt, I tried to focus my eyes on the surroundings. It was then that I realized where I was and could recognize the room and the bed in which I was.

A knock on the door woke me up completely and at once. I got up hastily and went to the door, opening it widely straightaway. The maid looked at me with a funny expression, trying to look away from my naked body.

- May I arrange the room?

- Um... Sure... Come in.

I hurried into the first door and locked it. I urgently needed a shower. I still could not think of last night's details. I opened the tap and went into the warm water, trying to rescue pieces of myself while soaping my body with energy.

('Good God,' I thought. 'What have I done?')

- Will you need more towels?

- Huh? No, thank you. I'm already leaving.

When I opened the door I had the towel wrapped around my body. I hurried into the bedroom, while the maid entered the bathroom to finish her chores. I hastened to dress and leave, before having another meeting with the cleaning woman, who was whispering a song while she changed towels, toiletries and mopped the floor. I slammed the door behind me and went to the reception. The bill was already paid. The breakfast was still being served, on the side of the reception hall, but I decided to leave without eating.

My stomach was not well and my head still hurt quite a lot. At the door, I called a taxi to take me back home, trying to concentrate in recovering the very fuzzy details in my memory, despite having passed only a few hours since we had come to that place.

(‘Concentrate! What have you done?’)

I closed my eyes. I needed to remember. I could not recall having had any kind of blackout like that ever before in my life.

What was preventing me to remember?’ I asked myself over and over, but could not find any answer.

We arrived at my destination, without my noticing the way we had come through. The taxi driver told me the fare and I rushed to reach the wallet from my pocket to pay him. Along with the few notes in the front compartment, I noticed there was a folded piece of paper with the hotel's letterhead, which I was absolutely sure not to have placed it there. I paid the man and crossed the wide sidewalk.

My hand was tucked in my coat pocket, holding firmly the folded parchment. My anxiety was preventing me to think logically. The damn elevator was probably stuck in some floor and took forever to come down, as if to make fun of my despair and confusion. I tried hard not to show any apprehension to the other people standing in front of the metallic sliding doors.

When I finally entered the apartment, I urged to take my hand out of the pocket and unfold the paper. There was a small message written in a calligraphy that I already knew. My eyes fell on the letters and the words, which did not seem to make much sense at first glance.

- What the hell...!?