The Big Rocks (Part 3)

- Beware of what you believe. The human mind is very powerful.

- She was very generous.

- Was she? Those two are completely deranged. Be careful…

She laughed, but I realized that there was something behind that smile. Perhaps it was only concern or even doubt, but a shadow crossed my heart, disturbing my peace.

***

The south wind blew mercilessly into the bay, stirring the waters and staining the tranquil blue-green with agitated tones of ochre and natural sienna.

As much as I listened people swearing against it, I always loved the windy afternoons. I used to have fun. Maybe I had fond memories of those afternoons when going to school was almost an adventure, and the wind that was blowing wildly through the streets leading to the sea tangled my once long hair.

I went out onto the porch and closed the door behind me. It was cool, not necessarily cold, but I did not want the doors slamming or things messed up inside.

I watched people walk, arched against the wind, along the shoreline. The rough sea carried my thoughts, free, beyond the waves and far beyond the island in front of me. There were several memories, some deeper than others, but did not stay long enough in my mind to have me worried.

I was born on the island. I have always had the sea as the background, from childhood, to my mental journeys. I learned to forecast weather, reading the indications of the sea and the sky. That wind was a harbinger of bad weather. The lead-coloured clouds were already coming down over the Cambirela peak, bringing rain and lower temperatures.

The fishing boats and canoes had been put in safekeeping boathouses and the nets rolled up. It was bad weather for fishing. The group of fishermen finished the task of collecting the vessels and containers, and walked up along the beach toward me.

- We’re gonna have heavy rain tonight.

The announcement, in the simple wisdom of the sea-men, was only a confirmation of what I had already foreseen.

- Certainly. Tomorrow must be calmer.

- No way! This is bad weather for three days, at least. It comes without the thunderstorm. A thunderstorm would come and go fast, but not this...

- It is true. Well thought…

The man laughed. The skin on his face was creased and tanned in a natural way. The smile was open and spontaneous. He was glad that he had said something I had not thought of. It made him feel superior. He adjusted his old hat and continued on his way along with the others.

I looked up at the sky. The clouds were approaching fast, bringing dense precipitation with them. Even before nightfall we would have the weather worsening.

- The rain is going to fall sooner than later.

I turned around without saying anything. She was standing behind me, but not smiling, which was unusual, when she drew attention to some fact, out of nowhere, catching me by surprise. With that wind, I had not heard the sound of the door opening.

- No doubt. There is going to be a lot of rain. Are you OK?

She took two steps closer. The wind intertwined her hair.

- I am... I think...

I looked at that face, which I knew well, and I was not convinced.

- Did anything happen?

- I don’t know. I feel a strange anguish in my chest.

At that moment a gust of wind blew against us and, opening the door, violently, messed up the carpet and the other things in the living room, slamming doors and causing overall uproar.

- What the hell! Let's go inside!

The rain fell down soon after, rushing us inside the house. I went in and held the door, waiting for her to come into the house.

- I’m glad we were on the porch, not the street or the beach.

A shadow crossed the threshold of the door, as fast as the south wind, while I was still holding the door.

- What was that?

The livid face was looking at me with wide open eyes, as if she had seen a ghost.

- I don’t know!

I searched in the kitchen and in the laundry area. I did not find anything. When I was on my way to the living room, a noise made me stop and go back. I took a flashlight because the light was sparse and I checked carefully behind the washing machine.

The large green eyes reflected the lantern light. A cat, as black as a moonless night, had come in, probably frightened by the rain and wind, through the first open door he saw... and that was mine.

- Come here, but carefully, without making a fuss about this.

- What's it?

- He's scared. Be careful. I don’t want him to attack you. See if we still have some tuna, to try to calm the little moggy down with some food. He will only come out when he feels safe. Or he'll try to run away, if he is too scared to stay in.

We still had, fortunately, some cans of tuna. I put some on a saucer and, speaking very calmly, I pushed the food close to where it was. A little farther, I left a little bowl with clean fresh water.

I turned off the light and got out. We sat in the living room, hoping that the best would happen... even if it were best for the pet to walk away through the open window of the laundry room.

- I left the open window in case he wants to leave. I do not want him to feel trapped or scared.

- He gave me a big fright! I thought it was something else.

I laughed.

- You did not think it was a ghost, did you?

She opened her mouth to say something, but said nothing. She passed her hand over her chest and stroked the small amulet, hanging from her neck. I pretended not to see it.

We were still there, without saying anything else, when a very low noise made us look at the kitchen. The cat had come from behind the washing machine and was walking, still half suspicious, towards us. Without ceremony and without looking at me, as if I were not there, he jumped from the rug to the lap of my daughter, who was surprised by his attitude. He leaned on her legs and rubbed his head against her hands, as if to beg for a cuddle. She looked at me and, seeing that I was smiling, opened her hand, so that the cat would know he was welcome. He offered his head and then the back to be stroked in a gesture of extreme confidence. Then he snuggled into her lap and looked at me, his eyes half closed, but serene.

- I think you got a new friend.

- It does not look like a stray mistreated cat, nor badly fed. He is so adorable. But he’s probably someone’s pet.

- We'll look for the owner tomorrow, then.

- When the rain is over…

I nodded. The cat closed his eyes and dozed right there on her lap. He was comfortable.

I was not surprised. 'Amazing how animals soon realize who is trustworthy,' I thought to myself.

***

Rain and wind whipped the place mercilessly for three whole days. The cat was always close to her. In those few days, they seemed inseparable.

- If we do not find the owner, I already have two names for him.

- Do not get too attached, otherwise you will suffer. And what names did you think?

- Either Mr. Crowley or Mephisto.

I laughed.

- Both very seductive names, for sure.

- They both fit well.

- Then why don't we call him Mr. Mephisto Crowley? That way you will not have to choose.

- All right then. That’s better.

The cat, as if aware that we were talking about him, lifted his head and jumped to her lap, where he offered the body for a snuggle.

- Hi, Mr. Mephisto Crowley. You're a good boy, aren’t you?

He blinked, slowly, as if answering ‘you’re right. I like you’.

We searched the neighbourhood as soon as the rain stopped, including at the local veterinary clinic, to find out if someone had complained, but no one seemed to have reported any lost animals.

After a few days, we decided that Mr. Crowley would stay with us for the rest of his seven lives. Properly dewormed, vaccinated and tagged with a chip and a red leather collar, the puss used to spend his days dozing on the living room sofa or at his favourite spot in her bed. He paid little attention to me except when he wanted to be fed.

When we were going to walk on the beach, however, he followed us, with his tail upright, all proud and full of himself. He was fearless and curious, but always remained close to us, as if he were worried about not losing sight of us or willing to protect us. The fishermen were amused to see a cat behaving like that, and sometimes they offered him some fish, which he gladly accepted, though he preferred cooked food. It was almost as if he knew that he should keep the network of contacts very active and available.

Late Sunday afternoon we were on the balcony enjoying some of the spring air, with the cat lying on the last patch of sun still shinning on the wooden floor, when he suddenly stood up and looked in the direction of where the big rocks were. His ears were like two small radars searching for some sound, which only he had detected, with his sensitive eardrums.

We saw nothing but the huge boulders on the beach. Mr. Mephisto Crowley jumped up and ran across the sands by the sea, to where the rock most resembling a huge person sat undisturbed.

- Mephisto! Come back!

He did not turn around, nor did he pay attention to the girl, who was running, followed by me, through the sun-drenched sand.

- Mephisto!

The cat was standing on one of the rocks, staring behind one of them. The tide was calm but suddenly a strong wind began to blow. The cat stayed there, until we got closer. He jumped from the rock and waited for us.

- He's a very special animal!

- What?

The man, who came out from behind the rock, squatted down and held out his hand, as if he wanted to touch the cat, but the feline stepped back, with the hair on his spine standing up. He hissed and puffed up his tail, preparing the attack. The man, all dressed in black, smiled in a strange way.

- So, Mephos, don’t you know me anymore?

The cat hid behind us.

- His name is Mephisto!

- Of course. Coincidentally, it was a very well-chosen name, if we take into account his past!

***

Stares (Part 2)

By the time I got to work the next day, I was almost too late, because it took me way too long to fall back asleep. It was Thursday, and to confirm my displeasure for the worst day of the week, I was called up for a meeting that lasted all morning long and did not allow me any time to think of anything else but the decisions I had to make during the meeting.

When I left for lunch, it was way past my normal time and I had to go to a restaurant near the office, along with some of my colleagues who attended the same meeting.

I ordered a grilled fish with rice and salad, which was better than I expected, for the meal it was. I was distracted by the informal conversation when the waiter brought a glass of red wine and placed in front of me. As I had not ordered wine to drink, because it was a normal work day, I declined the offer, but he pointed at a table on the opposite end of the large room and said:

- It's a courtesy from that client...

I looked in that direction and saw a man dressed in dark clothes lifting his glass of wine and moving his lips in what seemed to me he was saying 'cheerio'.

For some reason, I felt a pinch in my stomach and did not want to drink it, but I thought better and decided that it was more convenient to force myself and take it in spite of the apprehension I felt. My colleagues finished their meal before I did and got up, but I said it would take me a while longer, still.

When I was alone, I looked in the direction where my beneficiary had once sat, but I did not see him anymore. I got up and walked on to the cashier. The young man on duty told me that the bill was already paid, which I found it odd, once we did not usually pay each other's bills on a work day.

- The customer who paid the bill asked me to give you this...

It was only then that I realized that it had not been any of my colleagues who had paid off my small debt for that simple meal. He handed me a folded paper with a little sign scribbled in black on the outside of the message.

I unfolded the paper and looked around, but I no longer saw the man. I was intrigued as I remembered what he had told me on the phone.

I should have suspected that the offer of a glass of wine was not exactly what I should call a conversation, as he had clearly indicated, when he called me at that hour of the night at home. Since I did not go to lunch alone, he decided to postpone the conference for another occasion, which left me somewhat relieved. But having my meal paid for by a stranger, made me feel rather uncomfortable.

Anyway, I did not know if I was ready for a conversation with that character... yet...

I had no way of knowing what he wanted from me and I found that story very strange. In fact, he gave me more time to prepare for when the time came. Postponing such a meeting was the best thing one could do.

As I prepared to cross the street, I felt a strain on my arm and turned around, surprised and frightened.

A well-dressed woman in a dark grey suit and hair tied behind her head in a well-fitted bun had pulled me back, milliseconds before a black car passed at high speed, very close to the curb where we were.

- Careful! He crossed a red light!

I felt completely stupid.

- Thank you. My mind was elsewhere...

- It's not a good strategy being that distracted when you cross the street.

- True... I'll be more careful. Thank you so much.

She smiled condescendingly, crossing the pedestrian lane and disappearing among the passers-by who were walking in and out the busy sidewalk. A cold sweat ran down my body, although it was a pleasant and warm day.

'Careless fool! And to make matters worse, as if I needed it, this happens on the day of the week I hate most! Fucking odd Thursday!'

***

By mid-afternoon I was so immersed in an assignment that I did not notice the phone ringing insistently. A colleague called my attention and I picked it up immediately. The hoarse, familiar voice on the other end said:

- You must be more careful when crossing the streets. Careless people might get hurt...

- Yes. I know…

- Was the wine any good? I think it tasted a bit too fruity to match the fish.

- It was a full-bodied one, I agree. But that's how I like it. It was very good. Thanks for the offer.

- Great. You’re welcome.

Before I said anything else, I heard the line go off and I stayed there, with the phone still in my ear, as if I thought the conversation was yet not finished. It was getting bored and a little disturbed, to say the truth.

Someone called me to attend another unscheduled meeting and there I was busy for the rest of the afternoon and a little bit of the evening after the normal closing of the day, once again.

When I left the office, it was already past eight o'clock and I was visibly tired. I thought it would be a good idea buying something in a take-away on the way, instead of preparing any food, so I had less work and could eat as soon as I got home. Then I could finally rest from the long day. I could not even think very clearly. I just wanted to get home, eat something and lie down immediately afterwards.

The BBQ chicken was still hot when I started eating and the chips were crunchy and tasty. I pondered on how good it was to be simple. The cat got his small portion of chopped chicken breast and he was still happy savouring it when I finished my dinner. After having the dishes placed in the washing machine, I checked the cat’s bowl of water just to make sure I was not going to miss anything and prepared to rest.

I fell asleep in no time.

In the middle of the night, I woke up with the impression that there was someone else in the apartment. I looked around and noticed that the cat, my reference, was awake and staring out of the room. I got up and switched all the lights on, went to the kitchen, then to the living room but I did not see anyone else.

I also checked the entrance door to certify it was well locked from inside.

‘I must have dreamed of something I can’t remember... or I am starting to go somewhat deranged...’

When I turned around to go back to my bedroom, I realized the living room window was open, to my complete astonishment. That was unacceptable, as I used to keep all windows shut so the cat would not go out without my knowing. I did not remember having opened it at all. I would never be that careless… or would I?

‘I have to stop this nonsense! I'm going to end up in a padded cell!’

***

The next day I was so busy that I did not have time to think about any other thing but work. Fortunately, it was the last day of the week and thus I could rest for the next two days. I was looking forward to it.

I got home so tired that even the cat was surprised he did not get enough attention, but he lay down beside me on the couch and fell asleep with me, as if he understood that I needed his support too.

The phone rang just a few minutes before midnight.

The same hoarse voice, quiet and monotonous, showed an affinity that he did not really possess.

- You should not sleep on the couch. You will get up with a sore back and neck.

- And how do you know I'm on the couch?

- You're still not convinced, are you? What do you believe, anyway?

- I'm a man with a totally rational mind. I do not believe in anything I cannot prove scientifically.

- There are many baffling mysteries in this world. You should be more open to the experiences you cannot support with your logic. Who guarantees that there are no other dimensions beyond this one?

- Other dimensions? You must be kidding me...

The man did not argue. I could hear his heavy breathing on the other side of the line. I did not know what was coming next. To my surprise, before I said anything else, he hung up.

‘What does he want from me? Other dimensions? What the hell was that? I only know three dimensions... and sometimes I’m not even sure of those!

***

- You must be open to perception. It is not enough to believe. You must accept it.

- But this can only be an illusion... I cannot believe it!

- Open your mind. There is nothing impossible, as you can well see.

I shut up. I was being preposterous. If that was not enough to believe, then what would it be?

He showed me the way, letting me go though and then began to walk beside me. I did not even know what to think. There was nothing minimally appropriate to say. When looking around, it all seemed to be like a souvenir shop, with many galleries opening, like the sewer tunnels underneath the city... with the exception we were not under the city and the galleries were not empty or dark. The various entrances and exits led to many strategic points, as if they were access portals to that place. They changed places, constantly, as if designed to prevent them from being detected, which made a certain sense.

- This side serves as a balance to the other, but now it's totally chaotic, because of the mercilessness that are continuously happening on that side. Things have gotten out of control and the balance is getting harder and harder to reach.

- And why am I here?

The man stopped and looked at me with a strange face, as if he could not believe my naivety.

- Someone on this side has sent me to show you what's going on and ask for your help.

- Help? Who could need my help?

He just looked over my shoulder.

- Me.

I turned around quickly to see who had spoken. My legs shook and I almost choked. I tried to sound normal, but my voice betrayed me completely.

- I should have known better...

Demon (Part 3 of 3)

I spent the day thinking about the possible meaning of that little message. My concentration got fuzzy from time to time and I could only have some flashes of memory about the previous night. Fortunately the daily tasks at work were enough to keep me busy without stopping me, however, of thinking from time to time on what could have happened.

I tried to organize, methodically, the little information that was hidden in my mind, as if trying to confuse me even more. I decided I had to make a careful trip in my memory and take some notes, so to organize the facts, but I ended up forgetting that I had taken that decision.

On my way home, I stopped at the take-away at the corner and bought myself some food. I did not want to cook. Moreover, I so much needed a good rest.

I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed the dark circles that surrounded my eyes. They seemed deeper than usual. Perhaps the exhaustion had caused me more than a simple change in my physical appearance. I thought it would be best to lie down and try to get some sleep, hoping maybe a good sleep would improve my memory and my appearance.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I had to try to remember how it all started. I fell asleep before even thinking of anything else.

***

I took the wrong direction, when turning around the corner in one of the corridors of the University campus. It was a mistake I used to make, so I decided to continue through the back corridors to get somewhere anyhow. My sense of direction had always been very poor. Apparently, my ability to choose lovers, too. I met many people: students, professors and general staff personnel, who did not pay much attention to me, because they were too busy with their own problems. I passed over the library and the bar, then took the direction of the restrooms, climbing a flight of few steps and going through a dark iron gate. I could only find the changing rooms with showers and went back to the hall, to try and find the loo. I went back down the same stairs and took a left and then a right exit. There was an entrance to a clearing, leading to the shady woods.

An old woman walked to me. She had dishevelled hair and walked half bent. She offered me something that I refused, but she laughed and told me that I should accept it. Then she gave me a small gift, placing it carefully in the palm of my hand.  I saw that there were some roots of very old trees, hanging down from the dark walls behind her. The sunlight came through a slot on the left, falling on her head, making her hair look whiter and her teeth darker. A worn and almost colourless woollen shawl, was wrapped around her shoulders. 

The woman smiled. She was not scary, in spite of that strange aspect she had. When she explained the reason of wanting to give me the little artefact, I felt a kind of relief.

- It is for protection. So you will never need to fear no evil. it will be useful... soon...

I thanked the woman, put the small gift in my coat pocket and left. She kept on watching me until I disappeared through one of the passageways that led me back to the classrooms. I completely forgot I needed to go to the bathroom. An insistent bell ringing in the distance caught my attention when I walked over a less sunny area in the complex of buildings of the university. 

I looked back to see if I was safe. Something in my subconscious was telling me to be careful. I put my hand in my pocket and realized I had not examined the small object with the attention I should.

The bell rang again, that time closer to me. When I turned around, I bumped into a person coming out of one of the rooms. If it was not for the arms that held me firmly, I would have crashed against his body with some violence, but the man had a quick reaction. Those green eyes then were fixed on mine and I felt a kind of unsettling dizziness. I was face to face with a man whose eyes disturbed me more than I expected. He grinned. The bell rang again. He released my arms and I felt I completely lost my balance and started to fall...

The sensation of falling, for a time longer than the expected caused me a strange discomfort in the stomach. I thought I was fainting. I tried to prevent myself from falling, using my hands, but could not. I felt my vision darken suddenly.

***

I screamed. I jumped out of the bed, in a state of complete distress, trying to protect me from the inevitable. I cursed the darkness when I realized what was happening.

- Damn! It was only a dream!

My body was sweaty and sore. The palm of my hand was sore too, probably because of the pressure of my own nails. My head was still uneasy. The alarm went on and on. I recognized that as the sound of the damn bell in my dream...

Then, as if a door had been opened, I remembered...

***

When we got to the hotel, my sobriety was still fully active. We stayed in silence almost all the time, roughly looking at each other in the elevator that looked too big for the two of us. I remember we called the reception and ordered a bottle of wine, as soon as we got in the room.

The phone rang then, and I found that sound rather unusual, but interesting at the same time. He told me it was his favourite song and sang some verses of it.

“Если хочешь идти, иди; если хочешь забыть, забудь

  Только знай, что в конце пути никогда уже не вернуть”…

(Yesli khochesh' idti, idi; yesli khochesh' zabyt', zabud'

Tol'ko znay, chto v kontse puti nikogda uzhe ne vernut...')*

He switched it off without answering it and turned all his attention to me. One thing that caused me a good impression about him, from the beginning, was that when he paid his attention, he definitely did it fully and completely. His green eyes scrutinize me from head to toe, before he touched me, making me feel as if he was undressing both my body and my soul... and it was a very strange feeling, I must confess, though not exactly uncomfortable. No one had ever been as considerate to me as he was at that moment in time.

The wine, which was delivered by the room service, was delicately dry and aromatically palatable. It quickly rose to my head, because I had an empty stomach. I could not even remember the last time I had had some meal that day. I've always had been very aware of how to control the level of alcohol in my blood, so I felt I should go easy on the booze. He noticed it and slowed down too, politely. Being drunk would definitely spoil the purpose of that meeting and we knew it.

***

My phone rang, making my concentration dissipate instantly and immediately. I got carried away by those memories and forgot completely I had a meeting at work very early in the morning.  I was already late and people got worried because I had never been late for a meeting before. I had to run. At least, things were getting clearer, though not completely... yet... in my memory...

***

The meeting went on smoothly, in spite of my delay, for which I had to apologize a million times, feeling guilty for my lack of responsibility to the commitments assumed. I must have shown a very sickly face, because it was soon pushed aside and the meeting continued to its end without further mishaps.

Early in the afternoon, when I left for lunch and needed my wallet, I came again across the little message, written with the strange and familiar handwriting, that had me intrigued so much. I had to unveil that madness, for once and for all, before I lost my already unsettled mind.

Blessed internet that offers us possibilities to research everything and to translate what we do not know, even being in a completely unknown idiom. I found a language tool and tried to reproduce the Cyrillic characters the best I could, with the ones that closer resembled those written in the little message laying on my desk. I changed it to another research tool and found out, after a few attempts, that it was part of a song, which had been very successful a few years before. Then I translated the short message, recognizing it, immediately. My curiosity sometimes goes to extremes.

The words danced in front of my eyes and then the pieces fell into their right places in my head.

"Если хочешь идти, иди; если забыть хочешь, забудь

  Только знай, что в конце пути никогда уже не вернуть... "*

("If you want go, go; if you want to forget, forget

  But be aware that, at the end of the road, there is no turning back... ")

***

When he undressed me the other night, the lights in the hotel room were still on. I let him explore my body, with the same attention he had shown in the car, a few minutes before. He was an expert and I gave myself in, without fear, to his touch.

He was still wearing a white cotton tank top, quite tight to his athletic body, while we were in the preliminaries. I lifted the garment and started exploring his pale torso, which was not excessively toned, but it was beautiful nonetheless. He turned the main light off and left only one of the lamps lit by the bedside. In the dim light, I stripped him of the last piece of clothing and kissed him in the chest, neck and mouth. My hands caressed his back and I had the feeling of having touched something I did not expect.

I ran my fingers, very gently, on what seemed to me to be two scars. I felt his muscles tensed. I turned his body to the side so I could see better. He tried to stop me from exploring that, using some tricks, but I insisted, forcing him to turn around and he finally gave up.

There were two scars, maybe the size of a hand, one on each side of his back, just below the shoulder height. From each of them, very detailed wings were tattooed.

The seriousness with which I looked at them, in the poorly lit room, made him react immediately.

- I did not want you to panic when seeing them...

- Should I be afraid?

- No. Do not be. This is now part of my past only....  Do not ask anything else, please...

He turned out the light and held me, kissing me with a passion that seemed to border some despair. I let myself go for it, this time, completely.

Inside, I had the feeling that a fire ignited and burned all my body up, for all time, that very night... until I fell asleep in complete exhaustion.

I had the vague impression to have seen him leaving the room, still the middle of the night, but I was not really sure.

"Если хочешь идти, иди; если забыть хочешь, забудь...

  (If you want to go, go; if you want to forget, forget)... *

***

After remembering and understanding what had happened, I tried to contact him by telephone, for days, but without success. I always ended up in the message box, but I hung up without saying anything. I did not want to leave him messages. I wanted to talk to him; to hear his voice. Maybe he was trying to avoid me or needed some time and space. Maybe I had crossed the barrier of curiosity, when I insisted on seeing the scars on his back... I would never know...

In his absence, missing him and thinking a lot about him, many times a day, I heard that song over and over and over again, feeling extremely touched every time I heard those chords.

That young demon, with pale skin and light eyes, had led me to temptation and won not only my body but also my soul, which then began to burn with passion for him. I had not much that was mine, really... besides the soul that was corrupted by some deadly sins and uncontrolled weakness...

In essence, he was not really a demon: he was just a fallen angel, devoid of his wings, but not disallowed from flying. And I must confess that I missed him... I missed him a lot, to be honest...

***

He'd gone over a week since we had our last meeting. I had received no sign of him since then whatsoever. With a little sadness filling my heart, I decided to give up trying to re-contact him.

On Friday night I was reading in the bedroom, when the doorbell rang.

- Who can it be, this time of the night?

I got up almost automatically and without thinking and walked to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw that there was a man standing, with his bald head slightly lowered. I opened the door and came across my fallen angel standing in front of me.

- It was not easy to find this address...

I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I simply pulled him inside and closed the door. He hugged me, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks and a funny smile.

- Why this smile and this blush?

- I've missed you...

- Oh, have you?

He smiled again, awkwardly. I laughed at the way he looked and acted like a shy boy, perhaps by pretending, perhaps by charm, or even feeling really gauche. I pressed his body against mine, with extreme tenderness. I whispered my mind and heart:

- You have no idea how much I missed you too...

He held me tighter, then ran his hand on my neck and kissed me. His fingers played with the metallic texture hanging around my neck.

- What is this?

He was referring to the hanging pendant on a silver chain, which was not there the first time we were together. The strange little silver cross, which I had found on the bedside table, remarkably, was the same the old woman had given me in the dream and I had no idea how it ended up in my room.

I had a delicate and very fine silver chain, which had been given to me, as a child, by my mother and that I kept in a box, with great care, in a drawer. I decided to use it to match with the small talisman. I did not want to reveal the true meaning of wearing a Russian Orthodox cross, hanging around my neck, so I lied both by fear and to make sure I was in no danger, being with him. I felt I should protect myself, anyway, for good or for bad.

- I think it is beautiful. It is silver.

- Yes, it's beautiful...very beautiful...

He touched the little artefact and kissed me again. I breathed relieved, being sure, then, that my apprehension was totally unfounded.

- I missed  you so much. I think I fell in love with you.

- You think? But you should not fall in love so inadvertently with a complete stranger...

- Among what I should, what I want, what I feel and what I like, there is a distance of many thousand kilometres ...

- I thought a lot before coming after you. I tried to avoid it. I also fought my own demons and insecurities, but I realized that one cannot avoid the inevitable.

- Well... If it is inevitable...

In my mind, a song repeated, endlessly, the refrain that had confused my head for days and that seemed to make much sense at that moment.

No, I neither wanted to go nor did I ever want to forget... anything... again...

"Если хочешь идти, иди; если забыть хочешь, забудь

   Только знай, что в конце пути никогда уже не вернуть ...”

("If you want to go, go; if you want to forget, forget it;

 Just know that, at the end of the road, there is no turning back... ") *

***

* From:  Филипп Киркоров - Снег 

                (Phillip Kirkorov - Sneg)