Auto-retrato em P&B (Black & White Self-Portrait)

 

The Son of a Sea God

 

There was a mild breeze blowing through the large sliding door that connected the balcony to the living-room. All the windows had been opened since early in the morning, on that warm and clear day. There was not a single cloud in the bright blue sky.

After a light breakfast, we decided we should spend most of the day by the sea. It would be just a short drive to the nearest beach, where we could refresh and relax together. What are summer holidays for, anyway?

- I was born on the island, you know. The ocean has been part of my existence ever since I came to this life.

-You’re the son of one of those sea-gods! I’m sure.

He said that and smiled. That enigmatic smile; that adorable broad smile that makes the sadness in my eyes disappear for a while, as if it had not been there ever before.

- My ‘father’, then, is very calm today. Even the waves are just even and steady at the moment. He probably feels me around…

- I’ve thought the ocean was somehow different from this. I know the Mediterranean Sea. I’ve been there a few times, but it’s not like this. This looks so more powerful and the water is really cold!

- We better stay just a short time out in the sun, as we are not used to it and our skins are too pale to be exposed like this to the sweltering rays.

- I, sometimes, doubt you were really born on the island…

- I got a serious sunburn when I was young and I’m really afraid of going that road again.

- Ah! I know what you mean…. very well. I made the same mistake when I was in high school. Would you help me with the sunscreen, then, please?

- Of course! Just turn around.

***

The wind was blowing fiercely. There was a storm coming. Waves were crashing at the shore and the rocks. No boats were out. The heavy cloudy sky was darker than normally at that time of the day. Some brave seabirds were waiting at the beach, as if counting the minutes to go in and fish, but the wind would not let them get closer to the waters.

I was alone, sitting quietly and without any solid thoughts in mind. I liked being there, looking at the waves, as if emptying my soul from all the troubles. I had buried those bad feelings I had from my past. It was incredible how I had changed in the last few months.

I heard the thunder in the distance and got up, ready to leave the beach, before the rain would reach me and fall down cold and heavy on the unprepared me.

Something in my mind told me to wait. It was a strange feeling, as if someone was calling me. I looked around. The wind was blowing harder and harder and the ocean seemed wilder.

A dog was running along the sea line and a young boy of about five years old or so was coming behind him, worried about the animal and unaware of any danger.  The dog ran after some of the seagulls which were sitting on the sand by the rocks. The boy came after his pet.

The expected rain fell upon all of the unattended us. The two did not seem to care.

The dog climbed the rocks, but missed the birds, when the wave crashed heavily on the rocks. I saw it coming, so I ran to them, but I was not quick enough.

The boy stepped on the wet surface and slipped down. His grip was too weak to hold on to anything and he was embraced by the next wild wave. The poor dog was totally lost, trying to do something, running around and yelping in despair.

Before I reached them, the dog jumped in the ocean behind the young lad, who was not at sight at all.

I shouted, but it was too late. They disappeared in seconds, swallowed by the cold and harsh waters.

I did not think much. I just acted instinctively.

***

- What have you done?

I turned my head.

- What do you think I have done?

- How did that happen?

I avoided the question.

- He is alive. Both are. That’s all that matters, in fact…

- Yes, but…

I looked at him. He held my arms. He tried to speak slowly and calmly.

- There was a storm and the ocean was too rough. How could you get them back from the waters like that? How could the storm simply stop and the sea become so placid?

I avoided his eyes.

- I don’t know. How would I know?

- What are you hiding?

I closed my eyes and the memories came rushing into my mind. When I opened them back, his eyes were locked in mine. I decided I could not avoid the facts and the truth, so I talked.

***

- Father... Help me!

I jumped into the ocean. I felt like the time stopped. The waters suddenly calmed down and the waves almost disappeared.

I saw the boy and the dog very close. The animal was dragging his owner by his shirt, as if knowing I was there to bring them off the danger they were in. Both had swallowed a good amount of water and the boy was almost unconscious.

He was trying to breath. I pulled him back to the beach and massaged his chest, keeping his face turned to one side. He was still barely conscious, but as soon as he expelled some water, he coughed and that brought some colour to his face.

The dog leapt around us, yelping and sniffing his friend.

I heard someone shouting. Two men were coming from different directions. One of them I knew very well.

The man approached the boy and held him close to his chest. Apparently he saw me saving his son…

The other man’s friendly face was gazing at me with his inquisitive blue-greenish eyes wide open.

I looked at the sea and it was back to its normal state. The storm was gone. In the distance the white foam from the new waves drew funny figures on the water. One specific wave seemed to be higher than the others. It suddenly melted away and left the surface almost untouched…

I smiled to myself and turned to my best friend, who was standing by my side.

He was staring at me with his bright eyes.

***  

(More Than) Five Senses

 

Touch me.

Let me feel your fingertips

Run along my skin,

As if they were trying

To explore the ins and outs

Off the topography map

My body has turned out to be,

Just for you

To delve into

This sea of pleasure.

Taste me.

Let me feel your lips

And the tip of your tongue

Relishing me,

Taking delight

From the potion

You savour in my mouth,

And that inebriates

And confuses your senses,

Making you lose control

Of your own will.

Smell me.

Feel the scent

Of my bare skin,

My hair

And all those secret places

You know so well

And keep them printed

In your mind,

So you will never forget  

You’re familiarly

Home in my body.

Talk to me.

Let me hear your voice,

Like the sweet sound

Of thunder

In the distance,

As you whisper in my ears

How much you like being here,

Fully

And with me.

Look at me.

See how I really am

Beyond the masks

We have to wear

In the everyday

Life.

Look into my eyes,

See yourself

Reflected in there

And read me:

It’s so much easier

Now you know I belong

Right there

In the depths of you.

Hug me.

Let me feel your arms

And your legs

All around my body.

Shelter me

In your chest,

Holding me close

And tight,

As if you were trying

To make me be

A part of yourself,

As if you never wanted me

To go free

From your everlasting

And protective embrace.

Feel me…

Completely.

I’m so much more

Than just five senses,

That fit into ordinary

Normality.

Trust my heart

And believe my emotions

Are pure and genuine.

There’s nothing more intense,

Decisive,

Or powerful,

Than what I,

Now,

Feel for you. 

Dance

... E, no dançar, 

Como no viver,

Uma entrega total...

(...And when dancing, 

As in living,

Is a complete surrender...)
 

Thomas - Sete Anos de Amor Incondicional (Seven Years of Unconditional Love)

Hoje eu venho homenagear meu amiguinho, que completou sete anos de uma convivência sem igual, comigo, esta semana.

Quando ele veio, quieto e assustado, não tinha ideia de como Thomas iria transformar a minha vida, mas posso garantir que foi amor à primeira vista.

Ele quase não mia e, quando o faz, é muito baixinho. Sua forma de comunicar está mais nos grandes olhos verdes, naquele jeito de me olhar... e como se aproxima, quando quer algo.

Não quero fazer um texto longo, porque não há necessidade de muitas palavras para transmitir o quanto ele é importante para mim. Basta uma imagem… uma imagem que diz muito.

Na foto, a tranquilidade e alegria dele, quando trouxe o tapete favorito da lavandaria. 

***

(Today I come to honor my little friend, who completed seven years of an unparalleled coexistence, with me, this week.

When he came, quiet and scared, I had no idea how Thomas was going to transform my life, but I can guarantee it was love at first sight.

He hardly meows, and when he does, he does it very low. His way of communicating is more with those big green eyes, in that way of looking at me... and how he comes closer to me, when he wants something.

I don't want to write a long text, because there is no need for many words to convey how important he is to me. Just an image is enough... an image that says a lot.

In the photo, his tranquility and joy, when I brought his favorite rug from the laundry.)