Of Sea and Men (Part 3)

Lying silently on the couch and staring at a non-existent spot on the ceiling, the young man tried to organize his thoughts, after all he had seen, heard and, of course, read. Despite the stillness of the night, his mind was working boisterously, like the teeth of dry and rusty gears, grinding against each other, in a fertile field of conflicting ideas. It was quite late, but he could not sleep, try as he might.

According to what was written in the police report, a witness had seen him being assaulted and thrown into the back seat of a car, which took off at high speed, many hundreds of kilometres away from that place. What happened after then was still unknown.

He was trying hard to remember something, once that Police Report and the information contained in it did not ring any bell in his tired head. In fact, it all seemed very surreal to be true. Despite having the thoughts so uneasy and restless, he kept on trying to rescue anything that he could from his long-term memory. All he could do, however, was to imagine alternative possibilities of what had happened, but without any real basis. The thin, fragile thread of memory was inexplicably broken at some point and he could not find the parts to tie them together again.

In fact, he did not even know who he was. He could be either good or bad. He could have been a victim or he could have had a very bad luck and been on the wrong place at the wrong time. He could have clashed with someone stronger than him. He could have been really assaulted by robbers. Or he could not be any of that, as bizarre as it might be...

The fatigue and fruitless effort made him finally fall asleep and dream...

***

In the only room of the small and modest house, built on the beachfront, the fisherman rolled from one side to the other in its simple, old dark and tough wooden bed, unable to fall asleep. His mind was also distressed, especially after the more informal conversation they had with the doctor. The investigation continued, based on the report issued by the police, but he had a feeling that something was not right. By default, he did not use to trust his intuition, but that time he felt something very strong and could not help but hear that voice in his head telling him to sift through the facts more thoroughly and not rely firmly on all he had read so far.

Of course a possible witness was better than nothing, but he preferred to rely on what his guest could remember in his own time, to make sure they were not mistaken. That situation was increasingly harrowing.

He had developed a wholehearted affection for the boy and find out the truth and regaining his memory, once and for all, become his priorities. He felt that the most likely to happen, once it was recovered, was that the young man would go back to his own life and leave the island, perhaps forever, and that almost certainty also afflicted him.

But he had to think with his reason and not with his heart. As silly as it seemed, however, assess the heart was exactly what he had been doing lately, every time he was alone with his own thoughts. From an elusive fisherman with only the almost imperceptible company of his old silent feline friend, he now had a welcome partner, either to chat with or to help him at work and it seemed fun to both. Although he liked the boy's assistance, he could not be selfish and think about what he liked or wanted for himself only. He felt he would lose his buddy, sooner or later, as soon as things would go back to normal. But he could not help wishing they would keep the friendship, at least for a while.

Like everything else in life, the distance would invariably cool that relationship down and ward off gradually until their contacts disappear for once and for good. He admitted he would really miss the guy, who would probably go back to his previous life, as soon as he recovered his memory. Perhaps he had a girlfriend, a family and possibly a dog or two.

He, on the other hand, had only his hut, his cat and his old fishing boat... and absolutely no other life to go back to. He decided his fate and was living with it. He had learned to survive with very little and did not need more, living just one day after another, without thinking of a very distant future.

He, however, was no longer so sure if that simple and dull life was enough for him anymore. He knew only that before knowing the tenant who was fast asleep on the sofa, he had given up many ambitions and did not crave more than what he presently owned.

But now he wanted to know more about the other man, maybe see him succeed in life, witness his success and perhaps meet his girlfriend, witness his getting married and having children with funny and unruly hair like their father. Perhaps he could even be a dear and welcome friend to that new family...

What a stupid nonsense! He was just an old and thick fisherman with almost nothing to do with the boy’s life. What would be the use of deceiving himself and thinking he could be, in the future, part of his life?

Had he changed so much in those last days? An incident like that should not tinker that much with his routine and his life. He had better face the harsh reality: he would soon go back to his lonely, sullen and distant man’s life with almost no expectations regarding his own future.

The man mocked himself. He was getting old and corny. That withered and hardened heart should not have softened so much, in just a few weeks. He had been so used to his old solitude that he had forgotten the pleasures of a good company. Now, he felt - or rather resented – he would have to go back to being alone when the other's presence, although so recent in his routine, brought more colour to his existence...

He suddenly felt sad. He was tired of thinking. Actually, he was tired of so many things... He closed his eyes, which were getting, for what he considered a silly reason, as damp as the delicate petals of the flowers, which become moist with dew in the autumn mornings. He fell asleep... and soon began to dream...

***

- The water is so good and fresh... Come swim to me.

- You’re crazy! It is too cold!

- It is not cold at all. It is good... Come to me.

The boy was calmly swimming around the boat, challenging his girlfriend to dive and swim with him in that immense and quiet ocean. Although the sun was high, he knew that the water temperature was too cool for her. For him, however, it was perfect. She did not believe him, anyway. She just waved, threw him an inflatable mattress and his sunglasses and lay on a towel on the deck, to sunbathe. He took the mattress and lay down on it, floating serenely between the intensity of the almost cobalt blue sky and the emerald-green ocean, letting himself be pleasantly rocked by the waves and with his thoughts wandering far away. He felt drowsy and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.

Suddenly, that comfy swaying of his sleep seemed to change to a more agitated and violent state. The boy turned involuntarily around, lost his balance and fell overboard. The clash with the water made him fully awake and in a complete state of confusion. He felt he was sinking in the cold, salty waters and that his breath escaped him quickly. He tried to swim, but the movement of the waves was very violent. He swallowed water and felt weak. A pain in the back of his head caused him some discomfort and when he ran his fingers over it, he saw that he was bleeding. He tried to stay on the surface, but the effort was too much. He knew that if he stayed with his face in the water he would drown, so he tried to float on his back. The cold water would help ease the pain in the head. He closed his eyes and let himself go for a few minutes, struggling to swim, but the waves were cruel. One of them splashed over him and, swallowing water, he felt he was sinking. He struggled, but it seemed to be in vain. His lungs were flooded and he felt he was too tired to hold on. He felt his forces were waning. He had finally accepted his fate and let himself sink slowly...

He thought, as he sank, he was too young to die... The air failed him. It was death encircling him in a cold embrace, with more affection than he expected. The boy still thought before fainting, that the idea he had of death was of a much harder agony than that...

A flash of light lit up above him, in a sudden and his only thought was that the popular legend that there was a very bright light when passing from life to death, was true. That light, so intense and very strong, hit his eyes in full. At that moment he felt an unexpected peace and a comfortable warmth...

He opened his eyes and saw, through the sun rays coming through the living room window, the familiar silhouette of the tabby, sitting quietly on the faded moss-green window frame. The cat looked out, enjoying the morning sun that was rising above the horizon, on a very clean and intense blue, as only the winter sky could be. That would be a beautiful day after all... and also quite cold.

The young man realized that he had had only a very vivid and detailed dream after all. He smiled, got up, dressed quickly and went to the kitchen, followed by the cat, who rubbed into his legs, almost making him lose his balance and trying to get some cuddling or food.

***

The man got up as usual and passing through the room, he did not see the boy lying on the couch. Surprised and intrigued that the balcony door was unlocked, he put on a coat and went out. The boy was walking slowly, a few meters from the shore, more and more into the ocean. He watched, for a moment, to see what would happen. Despite the temperature of the water, he went on as if it were high summer. He never looked back or hesitate. He seemed intent on something that the other man did not notice at first. He went as far as the water hit him over his chest, took a few more steps and submerged in silence.

A bad feeling went through the fisherman's spine. His instinct shouted, louder than his reason. He got rid of his jacket, took off his shirt and shoes and ran into the icy sea waters. The adrenaline that ran intensely through his body did not allow to feel the cold tensing his muscles. Unable to spot the boy, he dipped into the freezing waters of the ocean. He saw a shadow ahead, looking like the body sinking slowly and swam in that direction, emerging for breath and diving again in order to rescue his protégé.

The man did not think at all. He just acted, moved by despair and the fear of losing his friend to an enemy whose weapons he was unable to fight against. He approached and tried to reach the other's arms, which were stretched upward, already unresponsive. He clutched his fingers around the other's wrists and pulled him up with energy, so that the body would emerge and enable the rescue and also to allow some air get into his lungs. He pushed the boy upwards so he reached the water's surface.

Emerging himself, he put his arm around the unconscious young man's chest, keeping his mouth and nose above the water line. He straightened up and began to swim, taking his friend along back to the beach, almost without difficulty. He laid the man on his back and started the cardiopulmonary resuscitation, immediately, in a desperate attempt to bring him back to life.

- Why did you do that? Where were you thinking?

The man did not understand the reason for such mindless action... And now he could not bring him back to life. He held his nose, opened his mouth and blew some air into, going back to massage the boy’s chest.

- Come on! Come on! Wake up, man. Don’t you die on me! Please!

He repeated the procedure, this time blowing harder in. By pushing his chest with both hands, he noticed a sort of convulsion and the boy coughed, expelling the water he had swallowed. The man shook him and saw that he opened his eyes, confused, as if unsure of what had just happened.

The fisherman raised him, hugging him and, without saying anything, just cried, feeling a mixture of relief and joy. Just below the breast line, a strange twinge of pain indicated that something was wrong.

He closed his eyes and loosened his embrace, feeling a kind of a faint. The effort could have been perhaps too much for him to bear. The twinge became more piercing and seemed to move with a pressure up his chest.

A cold sensation on his nose and a slight and continuous snoring, made him open his eyes and notice the deep green eyes of the cat staring at his eyes and pressing a nail at his chest. He laughed and stood up, realizing he had just had an absolutely unusual dream.

***

 - I had a very strange and detailed dream.

- Is that the reason why you are up so early?

- It's not so early. It's almost time to get out to sea. I have made some coffee...

- I also had an unusual dream. I think we were impressed by the report that the doctor brought us...

- Most likely…

- Do you want to talk about it?

- No, not yet...

***

When they came back from the morning chores at the sea, on a sunny Thursday, a few weeks later, they noticed a different movement on the pier routine. There was a greater buzz than in normal days. The matron was coming by with heavy steps on the wooden pier. Her flushed rosy face, severely hit by the sun and wind of winter, showed evident signs of anxiety. As she approached the two, she said, half breathless:

- I'm glad you came. The doctor wants to see you both immediately.

- What happened?

- The doctor told me to bring you two urgently. Do not ask me more than I know...

But they knew her well and realized that she avoided looking at them directly. She was hiding something, for sure, but she had been instructed not to tell them anything other than the absolutely necessary. The two men nodded at each other and quickened their pace behind the panting woman toward the office in the small health centre of the island.

When they arrived, they were received by the doctor, who was accompanied by an unknown man, dressed in a very formal way for the island routine. The visitor greeted them with a handshake and by turning his attention to the boy, asked him:

- Do you know who I am?

- Nope. I do NOT know you. Should I?

The man smiled, in a weird way. The boy and the fisherman tried to hide the concern that had passed down their faces, when they looked at each other.

The stranger cleared his throat and spoke up...

***

Other Studies in Red and Blue - Part 1

- You come here every day, always at the same time. I don’t know why ... yet ... but I wonder if there is a particular reason...

He was right. It had been some time since she did the same thing every morning on her way to work and in the evening, on her way back home: stopping at that particular Cafe at the corner.

After a very few times, she realized the waiter who used to serve her was always the same - a young man of big, melancholy blue eyes, strategically misaligned light-brown hair, with a very pleasant face to look at. He seemed to be younger than her - at least ten years. He was tall and rather stout, a bit far from the purely athletic shaped body, although he was not even close to being fat. That young man was actually quite attractive to the eyes – at least to her eyes.

He invariably saluted her with a broad smile when she walked in and headed to the same table by the window. As soon as she sat, he hastened to serve her the strong plain 'espresso' she used to order and which was freshly prepared as soon as she walked in.

The same routine was repeated every day for weeks and it was the first time she was addressed by the young man for anything else than the coffee she used to order. Maybe the little contact they have had on their hands when he put the cup on the table caused that unusual reaction.

She looked at him with some curiosity, on what would look like a boldness act from an employee to a regular customer.

In a fraction of seconds she realized the reason she kept on attending the same place every day.

How could she tell him that among so many choices of Cafes, that specific one was where she felt most alive, for the simple pleasure of looking momentarily to those magnetizing blue eyes, which never seemed to smile?

The statement, almost a question, however, left her uncomfortable as a teenager caught peeking at a prohibited man.

Why don’t you say what you think? He gave the line for you to grab and you just let it go. What are you waiting for?

She did not know how to react. That little demon installed in his brain was asking the question she did not know or would not ever answer.

And how could she say that the simple fact of looking at those big, sad and brilliant sapphires, made her days brighter and less dull?

Although she did not answer him with more than an awkward smile, that question had given her food for thought. She needed to do something, she knew... and the sooner the better... or she would lose the opportunity he opened with that simple question.

She opened her mouth to speak, but something stronger - perhaps a survival instinct - prevented her from doing so.

She merely stood up, left the money to pay the bill on the table and left the place without looking back. As she passed outside the window, she still saw the boy with an embarrassed expression and a slight flushing on the cheeks, still collecting the scattered coins from the top of the white table cloth.

***

- Why don’t you invite me in? How long will we keep this conversation here on the outside? I feel a little cold and my little break will be over in a short time...

The woman looked at that young man with a mixture of affection and respect and invited him, then, to enter the corner Cafe near her home, where she used to go every day for a strong and sugarless 'espresso' in the morning and a 'cappuccino' late in the afternoon.

After a certain incident a few weeks before, she had decided to reconsider what she regarded initially as a defiant approach. After some thinking and reconsidering, it then turned out to be a kind of seduction with words...

She came back the following morning, but it was not the same young man who brought her the daily espresso. She noticed he stayed at a corner, just pretending not to watch her, while the other man served her coffee.

Somewhat worried, even more than disappointed, the woman asked the waiter to ask his colleague to bring her a cream pastry, which always goes well with strong and dense coffee, in spite of her not being used to eating sweet things that time in the morning.

He came and placed the dish on the table without looking at her directly. Knowing that she had hurt the pride of the young man, the woman said:

- I’m sorry.

- Lady, I am a servant here, nothing else. Please forgive my impudence of yesterday. I am so sorry and I promise I will not repeat this inappropriate behaviour anymore.

He spoke with studied formal speech, which he passed in his head many times that morning before she came in the premises. Fearing that she noticed how nervous he was, he put both hands in the pockets of his work apron.

She detected his uneasiness and said:

- I'd rather we were at least friends...

- OK, he told her, still without looking up, but she realized he blushed and smiled a shy and somewhat weird smile. He said a polite 'excuse me', turned around and left.

Only the other day, when she returned to the Cafe, like on a normal day, she was greeted with a smile, although still a bit shy. She sighed with relief. The strain had apparently dissipated between the two of them.

***

He was not dressed for a date. He wore an already-worn leather jacket over a blue sweater. Faded blue jeans and brown heavy boots completed the attractively casual look, which suited him so well... at least to her eyes. Without the apron over the ordinary clothes, he would pass by a regular customer of the Cafe.

She still had her work clothes - a quilted coat and a cashmere scarf with stripes in various tones of gray - simple but comfortable. It was not exactly the outfit for a meeting either. Despite working for the police, it was not in an area where uniforms were ever to be used, for obvious reasons. She often had to go through her working days, like an ordinary person - not a police officer in uniform - to investigate and get information.

A pause for an "espresso" or "cappuccino"... that was the only thing they had agreed to. The cool late winter evening was perfect for a hot large cup of cappuccino - and that was what she ordered. He chose an espresso – strong and with no sugar at all.

They sat facing each other, like two long-time acquaintances. In fact, they were only analyzing each other. They needed time to assess how far they could get. She knew she had to have patience. They both needed a bit of security and confidence to be able to feel more comfortable in the presence of each other...

As he spoke, she listened to him in silence, trying to understand his reasons, expectations and concerns. It was the first time they chatted that long. When they parted, however, she felt a pang of disappointment. Just a handshake and a 'see you later' broke her expectations in small portions, like a crystal 'bibelot' falling down on a hard, polished and cold granite floor.

Minutes later, when she got home, she decided it was too late for anything but to prepare herself for bed. She was already on her way the bedroom when she heard the characteristic "beep" of the phone indicating an income message. She turned around and went back to the table where she left the phone and picked it up. She read the message and gave a loud laugh. Well, all was not lost, after all...

***

The small break meetings every day turned out to be more and more common as time went by. She was getting fascinated by slowly discovering things about that character so different from her.

One day, in an outburst of alleged boldness, he decided to invite her to dinner. That would be the first time they would be in a real date. A week had passed since she had told him the cause of always stopping at the Café twice a day. He was flattered, but blushed slightly when heard her reason being finally expressed out. It was his cue to leave shyness behind and be, once again, daring.

The woman had played her best cards, knowing she might lose the game, but unlike her fears, the boy told her he had to take an audacious action, especially from the absence of response the other day. His apparent insecurity made his shy smile even more appealing and utterly charming. She comforted him, saying that she also felt insecure, but was willing to give it a try.

- You’re such a seductive woman... I'd love to see you dressed in a more feminine way, out of the context before and after work, with these usual work clothes. They give you a very... uhm... serious look...

He had been well educated and polite. That hesitation made her think that he might have meant that the work clothes made her manly... too masculine. She laughed at his proposal, anticipating her discomfort in dressing like a 'lady', after a long time, but accepting the challenge. It could be a fun experience, at least.

- Your body is so attractive... you should show it a little more... more times, maybe...

He was beginning to cross the line... She decided it was best to stop the conversation immediately ... before she would lose her composure ... and kiss him right there in front of everyone...

She got up and left, quite hastily, when he laughed at the blush that suddenly appeared decorating her pale face...

***

Lost or hidden in a forgotten corner of her wardrobe she found a 'basic black dress', as it used to be called, in her past days. Her only decent dress, wore but a few times, was a single piece of knitted cotton with Lycra, which clung to the body in a way that left little to the imagination. Two very thin shoulder straps made her feel almost naked - which was not exactly the truth - but it made her feel like that anyway. On top of the bare shoulders, she wore a short black laced bolero intended to disguise the sensation of being extremely uncomfortable.

In front of the mirror, she carefully analyzed herself from head to toe. She felt like she was inside the body of a person who was not really her – someone else, in fact. She thought it was not a good idea, after all, to accept that challenge. She should call it off...

False modesty?

That voice in her head again... She laughed at the irony.

Although very little used to makeup, she put a bit of a transparent lip ‘gloss’ on and with a dark pencil she outlined a very subtle touch around her hazel eyes. She could not go beyond that and did not want to show what she was not.

Still having the sensation she was not at ease in a dress like that, she saw the boy's eyes smiled for the first time, even before his lips, as soon as he set his sight on her. Her doubts immediately dissipated. After so long, she was feeling attractive... and what a devious sensation it was...

- Today we will cook together.

His voice was low and serious, but not too serious.

- I know who will have to wash the dirty dishes, she said, smiling.

He winked, mischievously, and laughed loudly. She immediately fell in love with his laughter - so loose and spontaneous - as if he was that young man who had nothing to fear and nothing to lose... full of life and hope in the future... or at least that was the impression he passed on to her at that very moment.

He led her to the kitchen. While chopping some vegetables for a soup he was preparing, as a starter, he talked animatedly about music and the life he lived, before they met, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Fascinated by his conversation, the woman carefully came closer to the young man and touched his hand slightly. He stopped doing the task and, with studied spontaneity, joined the chopped vegetables with his two cupped hands and placed them in the water which was already boiling in a pot. He seasoned the soup with a cube of vegetable broth, stirred it well and tasted it. He, then, turned to face her.

That man looked at her in a way that no one else had ever done before. He had not only his eyes fixed on her, but his interest went far beyond his simply observing... it was as if he could see through her... and she thought that thing was eerily sexy.

He stepped forward and took her bolero off, placing it carefully on the back of a chair. He kissed her one shoulder, then the other, as he slowly pushed the delicate dress straps to the sides with his fingers. As he opened the zipper down, he continued slowly kissing her back from her neck downwards. When he released the black fabric of her pale body, he uncovered a large tattoo printed on her left side, which extended up to a spot close to her groin. He asked her if there was any special meaning to it.

- 'Victory' - she said.

He kissed the image - painted in black only - an elongated Japanese dragon, indelibly stamped on her skin. He stopped there for a while and then went back to caressing her body, tasting it with his lips.

His attention to every detail of her body caused her chills, in spite of the gentle warmth that came from his mouth. She closed her eyes and let herself be carried away by his touch... so warm and so welcome. When his mouth was close to her breasts, she held his face firmly and tenderly with both hands and brought it to the height of her face, looking at him deeply in those amazing blue eyes.

She kissed him fondly... slightly... carefully. He closed his eyes and gave himself in to the woman as a true lover.

They played right there in the kitchen while the soup was boiling up in the stove behind them. He lifted her off the ground with a big hug, as he kissed her with a passion which she was not used to and sat her on the counter. He kissed her neck, her breasts and her stomach and went down. She closed her eyes when he touched the most sensitive spot of her body and moaned softly.

That boy had become an experienced and fully grown up man and lover and made her the most special woman she ever had been. His body was all she needed. His touch, everything she wanted - even without having a firm awareness of it.

She seethed around him, like a volcano in full activity, blasting repeatedly, by the heat emanating from all the recesses of her body.

When they had passed the fire to lower flame, he looked into her eyes and said softly:

-The moments spent with you are, for me, the most beautiful ones.

The woman, who was asleep inside her for so long, felt that inside that man there was a great strength and a unique sweetness, albeit in a very innocent and spontaneous way.

He added:

- I like your 'tattoo'... and I love your body. It is so perfect...

The woman asked him why he said that and he told her he felt he had to express what he was feeling at that moment. He, who had always cautiously studied the terrain on which he ventured to tread, become brave enough to face his own fears, based on what had happened between them, a few minutes before.

It was only when he asked her how she felt when she saw him that she said... not only everything she felt, but also everything she thought of. He realized that she was not afraid to expose herself.

He opened a half bashful and refreshingly provocative boyish smile, putting a song to play on, right then. He used to change the subject when felt uncomfortable or intimidated to answer something he did not want to.

"I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, I think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away ..." (R. Kelly)
 

He took that moment to say something without talking. For a brief moment, she had the feeling those melancholy blue eyes smiled at her again, but that impression faded away very quickly.

The words sung messed up with her reactions, making her look at him with a unique affection, but he looked away, blushing a little, almost shyly. Amazing how, in just a matter of minutes, he had completely changed, from a daring and experienced lover who knew how to explore all her senses, to that shy little boy again. The image she visualized immediately was of an animal that hid inside its protective shell.

He decided to choose another song, as if that one was not expressing whatever he wanted to.

He pretended to be busy and hid his beautifully blue eyes from her, when the hoarse voice of Bryan Adams began: "Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me... and continued: Everything I do, I do it for you"...

She wrote those words on a piece of paper and showed it to him, who smiled, amused, looking down and away again.

She walked towards him and kissed him, lightly, on a specific spot of his neck in the area behind the ear... Her whole body shuddered when she saw the goose bumps growing up his skin, as if a load of electricity had switched a reaction on in her lover’s body.

He turned around and kissed her again... starting by the eyes and going down, while listening to the moaning of the woman, who already felt a volcano about to enter into a new eruption, exploding in all shades of red inside her.

Those eyes, of the most stunning shade of sapphire blue, flashed when they reconnected with hers.

Tightly clinched to his body, like a castaway who clasps to a lifeline never to let it go away ever again, she let herself lose control one more time... and another one... and another one...